Song of the day: Chasing Cars By: Snow Patrol

This song is really hitting something today… a nerve or a memory or something but it’s got me feeling things I shouldn’t be feeling. I hate missing someone and it’s always the same damn person. Blah.

Aside from this song today I had a great weekend. Yesterday I traveled to see my family and got to see my niece after far too long. She’s 10 but she’s also like 30… It’s crazy. We exchanged Christmas gifts and I got a guitar which now I just need to find one of these men of mine to teach me how to play. I’m very excited for that. Years ago I taught myself how to play the piano and got pretty good at it. I had a nice and unfortunately expensive keyboard that I used which got lost in the hurricane a few years back now. So now I’m going to learn the guitar instead.

One of the best parts of the trip was the drive. It was about and hour and 45 minutes and was beautiful. Traffic wasn’t too bad and the weather was perfect. It was a nice trip on a Sunday where we celebrated Christmas and my birthday because we weren’t able to during Christmas. Now, I am back at work and tired. So tired but have so much to do. Which makes the day go by fast so I’m ok with that.

I am sitting at my desk, working wrapped in a heated blanket because my body can’t handle cold at all. Not surprising as a lot of women that I know can’t. I hope to have a very interesting week and maybe I’ll tell you all about it but I’m in a good mood and enjoying life today. Hope you all are as well.

Song of the day: Plowed By: Sponge

Song of the day: Will He by: Joji

I have had a weird year already and we’re not quite at a week into it yet. I basically asked the universe for only the people in my world to have good intentions and all the rest can leave my space and I’ve had the one I wanted to hear from disappear yet again and one that I didn’t care if I heard from again show back up.

The one I wanted to hear from back who reached out a couple weeks ago… Poof he’s gone again and I won’t reach out to him because I’ve never not been unavailable to him when he’s asked. The one that reached out was the friend of his that was an almost FWB from early last year. The guy that ended up “saving me” from an uncomfortable situation at a bar. He and I hadn’t talked for several months and he tells me that he’s got a new job that’s close to where I live. I understood what he was suggesting but that’s not happening because he’s too close in the circle to the guy I have feelings for which won’t seem to fucking go away.

But after that interaction and a few others I realize that all these “FWB’s” keep coming back and that means that I’m doing something wrong. I mean, I’m doing something right but these are not the men I want in my life. I’m not looking for a quick bang and then move on. Maybe a few years ago that would have been ok but it’s not now. That part is my fault because I’m not clear with my intentions to the men in my life. That’s probably because I’m not even clear with myself what my own intentions or desires are.

Now, that’s changed. I want the best friend, partner experience with as much independence as possible but still feel like we belong to each other when we’re together. It’s tough because it’s hard to articulate. I can’t even articulate it here and I don’t even have to worry about making sense to anyone who actually knows me on here.

I’m in a weird mood and apparently emotional as it’s the full moon, everything’s in retrograde and I’m just not having an expected experience so far this year… Did that make sense? I’ve already ignored the date that I was supposed to go on this weekend because I’m certainly not feeling that right now. So this means I have no idea what I’m doing this weekend at all and maybe I’ll do nothing. All I do know is that this song is on my “Sexy Mix” and God help the next man that I actually do see on a date. 🙂

Song of the day: Say Your Name By: Plumb

Song of the day: Tumbleweed By: Puscifer

Song of the day: New Year’s Resolutions By: Otis Redding & Carla Thomas

It is almost 2 am on New Years day and I have just spent a nice evening with one of my oldest friends rehashing our best and worst hits of 2022. We do this almost every year. We have our traditions and discuss what we want to happen in the new year and what we’re changing. I cook a “lucky New Years soup” and we just enjoy a quiet evening. We’ve been doing this for years.

Another tradition is that I buy new shirts and panties for both of us in the color of what I feel like we both need. This is the first year that I made mine pink for romance and love. That is what I want more of this year. The sex… that’s easy. That’s the easy part and that’s why I chose to not wear red this year.

Along with my “resolutions” I’ve included that I will accept the dates that I ignored last year and that I’d give more chances to the guys that asked me out and I quickly dismissed them. To keep myself honest I already said yes to a date for next weekend and then another date after that. I realize that the “one” will only make his appearance in my life if I open myself up to some of the “maybe’s” that I’ve met. I understand that not everyone man will make me feel like THE one but THAT one has never and will never be mine and I need to find a new THE ONE.

You all already know how comfortable I am being single and I’m afraid I’ve made myself too comfortable. I need to take a chance on something new. I need to find a man who can make my brain think, my toes curl and give me happy surprises. I need to believe in love again. I think that is actually my biggest problem that I stopped believing in love. Wow, when I say that out loud it makes me sad because if any of my friends said that to me I’d do anything I could to not make them feel like that.

I’ve always like the idea of New Year’s Day because it’s new possibilities. It’s another year to help you achieve the goals you didn’t before and it’s a clean slate. So, it’s Sunday, the first of January of 2023 and it’s fresh and I have all new ideas and desires and opportunities. I like all of that.

I hope you have all had a safe and happy new year and will continue to. XXX