Aside from a few outings and some purchases this weekend I have been an utterly useless human. Still kind of in a funk and not really sure why. I did realize that it’s been over a week of no contact from the ex ever since he dropped the “L word” and my reply was thank you. I’m pretty sure that if humans were supposed to go to a class and pass it about emotional intelligence I would have never received a diploma. But since I just really want to sleep in my bed for the first time in a few days I’ll make this a short one. And NO I don’t have any seductive dates that are the reason my bed has been empty. I’ve just been falling asleep on the couch a lot.
1. Exercise – Yes.
2. Water – yes.
3. Love Yourself Challenge – Hang a picture of myself that I love and why do you love it? This is a hard one. I’ve always hated taking pictures. You know there’s an old wives tale that says every picture taken of you steals your soul a bit more. I’m not saying that’s why. I’m just remembering it. I guess I’ll pick two. There’s a pic of my BFF and I leaning on the “speak, hear, see – no evil monkey’s”. That was a fun day. The other picture I’d pic is one that was taken by an ex co-worker. He took this black and white photo of me and THE friend at this really shitty dive bar. THE friend was grabbing me from behind but it looks like we’re hugging. That’s actually the photo that my friend, the photographer said I looked beautiful in because I looked happy. He and I both knew WHY I was that happy. It’s too bad THE friend and I don’t have those moments now.
4. 30 Days of Gratitude – What texture are you grateful for? Anything silk, satin or flannel. It’s sexy verses comfort for me, I guess.
5. 30 Day Challenge – Where have you traveled? Even though I was born in England and lived in Saudi for a moment I’ve not really traveled nearly as much as I’d like to. Nevada, Arizona, Tennessee, Hawaii, Louisiana, Oklahoma… I think that’s it.
It’s a bit funny, my shot glass collection was supposed to be all the places that I’d traveled but once people knew I collected them it became something that they’d always bring me back from their adventures. My boss has probably gotten me the most and now they’re all in boxes somewhere because I don’t really have a great place to display them.
So that’s my weekend, boring weekend, and my challenges today. I just realized that I’ve been keeping up with these challenges everyday and writing about them and then I realized that partly it’s because I’ve not seen THE friend in two weeks. We should have gotten together two weeks ago but I felt horrible and he was going to be here late, as usual and I didn’t want to get into a fight about it so I just told him we’d do it another night. Then he’d wanted to get together a couple days later but I had to work late.
I do realize that I miss his today and that makes me uncomfortable because it’s only been two weeks. I’m not sure he’s even noticed that it’s been that long, or cares and I’m certainly sure that he doesn’t share in the missed feelings. Ugh, I feel like such a girl right now. I’m wondering if he’s even kept a promise to NOT have watched our shows until we get together. He has even less patience than I do so he’d be more likely to and that would piss me off but none of any of it matters now.
When my boss and his (now) ex-wife were going through their divorce I would always tell him that as long as there’s anger or fights it means that there’s passion or love there. There really is a fine line between hate and love but I apply that to THE friend and my’s relationship. As long as I still get angry or sad or upset then it means that I still care and love him. So, I’m trying NOT to get angry, sad or upset. Seems silly but if I’m ever going to fall out of love I have to consciously do these things. I don’t actually WANT to be in an unrecipicated relationship with anyone. So, this weekend while he was off having dalliances with what ever women he met, I was trying to forget… It’s not that easy for me. Some days I wish it was and today is one of those days.
I’ll just consider my unproductive weekend rest for my week ahead and be ok with it. Hope you all had a nice weekend and here’s to a great week.