There’s a grocery store that I frequent that makes you insert a quarter in to a cart to use it but you get it back when you return the cart. Smart right? Except for those of us that never have quarters. Today I went to get the usual steak, eggs, yogurt, raspberries and coffee and there was already a cart there that someone didn’t get their quarter back. I used the cart but instead of getting the quarter back I decided to just leave it for the next person. Except, the guy next to me who returned his cart and got his quarter back looked at mine and got that quarter too.
There’s a reason I just delved into that boring segment of my life. That instance shows you someone character. He didn’t say, “Excuse me ma’am you left your quarter.” He basically just did that and lowered my impression of him without even knowing him for only the price of a quarter. Watch people long enough and without a word you can tell by their actions who they are.
This leads me to my Friday night. A few weeks ago my GBF had scheduled a beach day for a few of us. We were all going to take off work and just go “beach it” for the day but something came up and we ended up not going. Then another friend of mine asked if I wanted to drive with him to the beach for some errand. I said sure. That fell through. Then at the last minute my crazy friend decides to ask if I wanted to run an errand with her… at the beach. Well, guest what else was at the beach that I thought I wouldn’t be going to… Yep, the drummer had a gig. It has been too long since I’d seen him and thought I’d have to miss this show too but some weird mind fuckery made it possible for me to go and see my obsession for the evening.
My crazy friend and I hadn’t really spoken in a while which made it all that more weird. We went and did the errand and then arrived at the venue just after 10… Damn he looked good. He’d apparently given me this huge smile when he saw me. After we’d been there a few minutes we got a table at the front next to these two guys. My crazy friend started talking to the less attractive one (in my opinion) which in turn meant that the other friend had to come talk to me.
As far as I was concerned I never go to bars to pick up men. I wasn’t an asshole to him but my body language never showed any interest in this guy. It didn’t seem to matter. However, the first thing this guy asked me was, “Is he your husband”. I shit you not. I think I looked at him like he was crazy but HE also said, “I just thought he was because I saw him when you walked in”. Seriously though, he does have the cutest smile when he looks at me but no where in that smile does it say, “She’s my wife”.
Towards the middle of the evening the friend (pink hat guy) kept trying to fix my vape pen which stopped working the moment we got there. At one point he’d left and I thought he was just in the bathroom but had traveled to two different convenience stores to try to replace it. Just a little too much. When I’d gotten up at one point and this guy (pink hat guy) was almost following me the drummer went on a break and got right between us and asked me to grab his ass cause it was soaked with sweat. I think that’s the point where pink hat guy just sat in a chair and pouted.
Fast forward just a bit and here comes mint shirt guy. Now, this guy was interesting. First, he’d come over and offered to buy me a drink which I declined because it was a long drive home. I then introduced him to my crazy friend and said she likes to drink and asked if he’d purchase her one which he did. He then turned back to me and starts saying the dumbest shit. The guy was only 25 and I made him show me his license to prove it. He kept saying things about “cougers” and that he always wanted someone with “experience”. He was slightly entertaining but I was mainly just talking to him because then I didn’t have to look at pink hat guy who I actually felt bad for. At some point the drummer came over and said, “Come on, lets go outside”. Then mint shirt guy decided that I was “taken” as well.
So, just to count that’s two down and I really didn’t have to do anything. There was slutty dancing girl who felt me up like a table dancer at one point and blue shirt guy who was just drunk and fun and who came and danced with me but the night was fun. I was pleasantly surprised that when I finally went to bed at almost 6 in the morning that I had a really good time with the drummer, my crazy friend and even the weirdo’s who frequent that bar.
I’m afraid to tell him the stories from Friday night in case they freak him out because he doesn’t want to appear to be anything but single. But it kind of freaks me out too because I didn’t think our chemistry was THAT strong. Well, actually I did but didn’t truly believe it till now.
The one part that bothers me the most though is that I was technically the “single one” and I declined 2 numbers and a facebook add. My crazy friend just gave her number and facebook to whoever asked for it. Seriously? Yes, this is my married friend. We did have a long talk when we got to my place where we talked about the fact that she can’t have a husband, a boyfriend and several Misters… It’s just not right. If I can reject all the ones I did why can’t she?
We also talked a bit about the drummer because my crazy friend got to witness our chemistry first hand and so could, apparently, all the other guys. I’m not even mad about this. I don’t really know what about that evening that I liked so much but maybe it’s because I liked the idea of feeling like I was his, as far as these other guys saw. I liked that. I wasn’t a fan of the “husband” comment but still liked that pink hat guy knew I wasn’t “available”. But that night must have been close to the full moon because I didn’t particularly look great. It was hot and humid and my hair looked like a cat hairball. My clothes were just basic and drenched in sweat. I thought my lipstick was too dark and my eyes were too black. Somewhere I was getting hit on like crazy but I was only there for one thing and for one guy. He’s all that mattered to me.
These are the nights when I’m kicking myself because these are the nights I want to be with someone I’m actually dating. Those feelings, those conversations that always seem like there’s more to say but we don’t have time. Those smiles… OMG… Those smiles. There’s a few videos where I’ve caught him smiling at me and it’s just the cutest thing in the world. When he’s up on stage doing his thing I’m just so super happy and proud that we know each other. In those moments I am privileged, blessed and happy.
These are the moments that, as much as I want to live in the moment, I have to realize that we are not THAT couple. We are not even a couple at all. I just know that one of his shows one of his other women will show up and it’ll just get weird after that. My crazy friend said that being around us together you can just feel that energy between us. That’s some strong fucking energy… Life really is unfair sometimes. It’s unfair because those are the moments that I actually want to be a couple. I left there that night with a sense of pride, excitement and just of having a great time without complications or drama. I really did love it and while the drummer and I didn’t get to do anything nasty, when we’re together doing nothing it still feels like we’ve done something if that makes sense. I will also say that my crazy friend said the look on his face when I said we were leaving that she could tell he was actually really sad to see me leave. But then again she’s also my “crazy” friend.
It’s probably good that I don’t see him more because as you can already tell I’d be in trouble. I’d be in so much trouble. This way, the time we spend apart actually decreases that “obsessive” part, almost reboots it so it doesn’t keep intensifying. It’s just so hard that we get along so well, have such a great time and there’s nothing he does or says that I don’t like or don’t get. There will soon be more parts of him than anyone else in my intention setting jar.
If I rub the bottle three times and he comes out of it then this universe has some really funny, mind fuckery going on. Life does have a sad sense of humor to put someone in front of me that is kind of perfect for me and yet someone who isn’t looking for the same things I am.
The bits in between seem so minimal compared to Friday and I really don’t want to like this so much but I’m trying to live in the moment. So I enjoy all while still being realistic because nothing lasts forever. I’m going to leave you with a song that he keeps playing or wanting me to play or it happens to come on in a bar we’re in. I could girl brain this to death except he’s already admitted that all the nice shit he says is bull so chances are that he’s played that song for other girls too but it’s a great song. Nite xXx