Life Lessons In Unlikely Places…

Coming home from a pleasant evening with friends tonight and on the drive home I decided to play my “Sexy” playlist on Spotify. Regardless of how unsexy I must have looked dancing and singing in my car on the way home, at least I felt a bit. Then, once home, I started flipping through channels in hopes that something would grab my attention. I stopped on HBO and caught the last 30 minutes of the Magic Mike 2 movie.

I’m going to defend myself here. These were both so so stupid movies. However, those dance scenes where hypnotic. It’s also become a joke with m BFF and I and I’ll tell you a bit of the back story to this now.

When she and I both turned eighteen, we decided to venture into LaBare. Which, for those of you that don’t know, is a strip club for women. We were initially shocked at how insane these women got when the men came out and shook their asses. First, back then, there was no “Magic Mike” dance scenes so it was mostly just gyrating groins on these tall, tan, muscular slick stallions but we were never impressed. While almost all the women would jump up and clamor toward the stage at the first three seconds of “Pour Some Sugar on Me”, we would just be sitting in our chairs and appreciating the music. We’d mostly make friends with the waiters which were almost always better looking so that we could drink before the law abiding age. Now, because we didn’t come off as these crazy females, we’d actually be pretty popular by the end of the night so we ended up making friends with the dancers and managers or whoever. Fast forward a few years and the business that I’m in made it very easy to be invited to a strip club, almost weekly whether it be a male or female one it never mattered.

During this time of frequent stops at these clubs it became such a common experience to show up around 1 am, drink a bit and end up hanging out with everyone till the sun came up. While doing this I soaked in the infinite stripper wisdom and let me tell you something, it was very worth while. Do you know how easy it became to have an actual conversation while sitting either on a man’s lap with only a “c–k sock” on or sitting next to a woman who was topless. After a while you become desensitized to someone actually trying to hit on you for the right reasons because the lessons I’ve learned from both Wall Street sales boys and strippers makes it very easy to just assume everyone is out to get something in their own best interest.

But, I can’t say that I didn’t use what I was taught. The first lesson was eye contact. This is so important for both men and women. But here’s what you do. There’s a point when you know the other person is looking at you, whiling staring at the floor you slowly raise your vision directly into theirs and don’t look away while having a tiny curl of your lip as if it was about to become a devious smile. Hold it as long as you can. I still do that when I’m flirting and it’s never failed.

The next lesson was the touching. All the magazines say you’re supposed to touch a man on his arm, or leg as much as possible to flirt with him or to let him know you’re interested but what they taught me was to take the ring finger on either hand and just lightly run it down a man’s arm, almost as soft as a whisper. That usually works too.

Lastly, was the whisper itself. Now, this goes for any man or woman and especially when someone does this to me. Oh Wow! I’ll go crazy. But you lean in, especially when your out at a club or bar and it’s loud, whisper something, anything, but make it so that your lips graze against their ear and they can feel your breath. Drives me crazy! Did I mention that?

There was a lot of other things they taught all by accident because it was really just me observing a lot but that would turn this post into a rate R so I’ll leave those for another night but I think being around that world and yes, it’s a world all on it’s own, got me so jaded about dating and sex and money. The things that would or should normally turn me on are not the things that do. I usually go for the opposite of what those strippers tried to do because they made it all so fake but humorous never-the-less.

Truth is though, lately, I’ve not really tried any of those tricks or any real type of romantic or sexual serenade. While I crave some sort of intimate human interaction and while it’s easy for me to pull a “booty call number” from my phone it’s all so immature and fake. Maybe I overdid it when I was younger but now i crave something different, something better.

I crave jazz on a Sunday afternoon and cuddling so good that it makes me not want to go to work the next morning. I want something more than a 20 minute bang and then I get up and leave. I want a man that makes me want to stay and makes me want to cook breakfast for him the next day.

My ex (that I work with) and I would do this thing where we’d go to bars and see who could get the most phone numbers from suitors. It was a joke to us. We’d do a lot of stupid shit which would probably make other partners jealous but to us it was fun. But there was this one night, after a strip club, that a guy I’d known had come to the table. I guess my ex got a bit jealous and out of no where he told the guy that we were married. Which we weren’t even close to but it was the first time that I’d seen jealousy in his eyes and it kinda turned me on a lot. There was this guy who was totally secure in almost every way and he was so unsure of himself that he felt like he needed to take ownership of property at that very moment. That was probably one of the best nights of sex for us.

But those are the weird things that turn me on. I don’t want obvious “this is on page 3 of my playbook” moves. Tell me something honest, true, cry about something real, blue, wear the color blue I don’t know why. Bare feet with jeans is so sexy, laughing, looking into my eyes but without the pretense of “hey lets f*ck”. Whisper something to me. Give me a hug that you mean, not a half ass, side hug. Music, music, music. Order for me at a restaurant. Take me somewhere that I’ve never been and surprise me. Give me something of yourself even just for a moment.

My life has certainly made it hard to trust and to date especially when I’m not looking for a “right now” It’s tough. So maybe strippers never really taught me anything but maybe they jaded and ruined me. They did help me read people which I’m pretty good at. They help me understand that attaining perfection is a lie and that appearances don’t matter as much. Do I want the 6ft 3in, dark and handsome guy who sold his soul a long time ago and can’t muster the car note he’s got on his souped up Jaguar even though he makes well over six figures a year? If I wanted that, I’d have had that a long time ago and I can promise you that I would have left that by now. I’d give up the numbers to all those guys for the right guy now who didn’t posses any of that. I’m just not sure I’ve even met him yet.

So long ago were the nights spent with exotic dancers till the sun rose and even though it was fun back then and there’s an occasional fun night out at a club these days where I get to practice my skills I have no desire to go back into that realm. Wow, that felt like a different life ago, a different body ago and just a much different time. I’m not sure if this is growing up or growing old. Man, the stories I could tell.

So that’s my story tonight about a life lived long ago. Hope you’re all having a great weekend. I’m doing nothing for the rest of this weekend, or that’s my plan of no plans.


Inappropriate conversation day… with some randomness.

If you can think of the most inappropriate conversations you’ve ever had, multiply them by ten and that’s what’s happened today. Luckily, I’ve got some sick and twisted friends which are awesome. One of the most important things to me is that a friend be a bit off, have a sense of humor and be fun. Sure we can have serious talks but there is nothing better than the type of laughter that comes from the pit of your stomach and your cheeks hurt afterward. I have a bit of a twisted mind so anything goes. That’s the rule and there are no rules.

That’s probably another thing I should ad to my list for a man. If he can make me laugh, even just a little bit, he’s got me. I find it much easier to be the joke teller or the sarcastic responder than the one who someone can make laugh. It was always my goal at family gatherings to get my father or brother to laugh because that meant something was really funny.

Today was a nice break from my normal crapfest during tax season. It’s such a bland, boring yet important time of the year and I usually go a bit bat-shit crazy but not this year. I’m looking forward to so many things and focusing on those things instead of numbers, which is weird cause I’m a numbers gal. I’m looking forward to spending time with my friend tomorrow night. Looking forward to an evening at the spa on Friday night because I damn well deserve it. Then I’m looking forward to the weekend and not just because it’s Superbowl but because it should be a really fun time too.

The only problem I foresee is this. First, one of my app addiction is flipboard. It’s the only way I get my news nowadays. One of the article on there today was about how alcohol makes you horny… (such a stupid word). I suppose the adult version is “alcohol gets you excited”. This is such a bad thing. I’m already overly excited half the time (most of the time) now so with alcohol in me???? That’s just going to make it ever so hard. I’m attracted to my friend and he and I have gone down that path before so I might have to either not drink that much OR fib my way into disregarding my own personal safety and going home that night. He doesn’t want us there so I will not be the instigator.

The last thing I would want to do is make him feel awkward at this stage. He’s been great lately and while it wouldn’t change things for me, he might start to pull away after so there’s that. It’s only a small thing on my mind which I’ll file under “no need to worry about stuff that won’t happen” folder. However, it would be fun.

The one thing that I really need to focus on and soon is getting back into my fitness and healthy eating routine. Going out for a month long birthday celebrations has it’s drawbacks and I feel so unmotivated. It’s weird. I was doing so well toward the end of the year then people visiting and partying. I need to start going back to the gym immediately after work and preparing my meals ahead of time. For a while there, I wasn’t eating much, if anything, at all and had recently lost 12lbs by accident but I wasn’t complaining. If I could just do it the healthy way. This is why I need a personal trainer and chef. There was a time when I was almost at my goal and I felt great, looked good and realized that I really could do anything with the right motivation. Maybe I’ll pretend that I’ll be walking down the aisle in a few months and need to get into the most beautiful dress ever. I’ll have to put that one my vision board to see if that helps.

Well, that’s my random rambling tonight and now it’s back to numbers for a few hours. Hope you’re having a great week. More rambling to come, I’m sure.




Exes and Sexes…

I was going through a memory box the other day that I’d had hidden and found an envelope that my ex’s mother had sent me. He’s the one who past away last year. Inside were some of his CD’s of concerts that we’d gone to. There were also some notes or letters that he’d written me that I guess he’d never expected to send. I get that. I do that myself but his were all nice and loving.

Sometimes, I think that I could never have been with him entirely because I didn’t deserve to be loved, not that greatly. That wasn’t the truth though. The truth was that we were never that compatible. We never fought or argued. There wasn’t any passion. I wouldn’t ever let him touch me in public. I believe that couples should argue, it’s part of passion and the fact that he was Spanish, I always assumed that he was suffocating himself and his emotions. I was more of the man in that relationship because I was just numb and didn’t care.

In the looks department though, he was absolutely my type. I like tall men but the truth is just under 6 foot is perfect for me. I’m a tall girl and standing eye to eye with a man (in boots) is kinda sexy. He had dark hair. These kind eyes that I would stare into and wonder what the hell he was doing in this loveless relationship with me. He had a nice body but chest hair which I do not find sexy.

He never met my family. I’d met his. He’d never met my best friend. I’d met his. He was barely ever at my home. We were always at his. He was so proper and a gentleman which is great sometimes but I also want a guy who has a hair out of place, has clothes with holes that he wears to do shit around the house in. I want a guy that doesn’t always have to be perfect.

He never knew my history. He never knew my favorite flower, color or what I’m scared of. We never had intimate conversations with secrets being spilled because I felt so comfortable. He wasn’t spontaneous. He wasn’t adventurous. He wasn’t ever loved, by me. That sounds harsh and cold but that wasn’t a secret. I told him the truth about how I felt, or didn’t feel and it didn’t matter. He saw something he wanted and thought he could have it. He was wrong.

The last conversation we’d had was pleasant. There were no hurt feelings and it ended the way it should have and from what his mom had said, he was happy. I was angry after I’d found out about his death because I felt like he’d wasted his time on being in love with me when he should have been making someone else happy that deserved him but I’m at peace with everything now. I believe in the domino effect and that everything still happens for a reason.

There’s also a reason why I still work with the first guy I was ever in love with. He knows me enough to know when to have a conversation with me about something and he gives good advice all while still looking out for my best interests as well. He’s happily married and I really like his wife so there’s nothing there and hasn’t been for a very long time. I actually remember the day I fell out of love with him because he was never my forever. But regardless, we work well together.

Some boyfriends or dates might be jealous about that but it doesn’t matter who the first love of your life is. It only matters who the last one is. This goes the same for relationships and sex, to me. It doesn’t matter about all the others. It only matters about the one your with right now. That’s why I don’t really ask too many questions about previous relationships. After each on, the slate is wiped clean and you get to start over. While everyone still has their “patterns” on what they do with dates, it’s all about the new experience with that person.

Do they worry about the intricate details? Do they take time to plan something special? Do they take into account your needs, wants or desires? When they touch you, is it a soft graze, a playful slap or a rough passionate pull? Do they anticipate the things that they secretly know you like? Do they look you in the eyes when they speak to you? Do they pull out the information they’re looking for? Are they a gentleman when they need to be but take control where they should?

For me, it’s always gone beyond holding a door open for a lady, putting the toilet seat down or pulling a chair out for me to sit. It’s about those small little things that I notice. Do they say “God bless you” after a sneeze? Do they wipe that tiny little eye lash from under your eye? Do they slowly kiss your cheek right above your lip, then pause and kiss you ever so tenderly on the lips?

Hmmm, so it seems I’ve gone off on a tangent and I’m really not sure why. I guess traveling down memory lane but imagining an entirely different memory is what’s going on. This whole thing started to let go of my ex, for good, which is why I burned his letters. Seems cold right? It’s actually cathartic for me. It’s symbolizes the finality of all of it for me. I’m finally of clear mind. This will only assure the next real relationship doesn’t come with relationship baggage from my side. I’ve never really been into bringing past relationships into new ones anyway.

I’ll leave you with two of MY favorite songs from the CD’s in his box. He hated them both but I always liked them.

Hope you’re off to a great weekend.

Couple dancing tango

Couple dancing tango

27 Days of Music – The O’s… and some rated PG-13 talk.

I’ve had a nice relaxing Sunday (my faux Saturday) which means tomorrow, after a few appointments, I will relax before Tuesday. It’s possible the plight of getting older that you need to relax before you go back to work. I really do like my sleep these days. I’m sure that’s not good.

On a positive note though, my foot is doing a whole lot better and I was even able to wear something other than chucks for the first time in days, so obviously I didn’t break it. I will say this though, whatever happens do NOT try to catch a glass bottle with your bare foot. It never turns out well, for the foot.

Now, today, I’ve been trying to catch up on some TV watching and was thinking about starting over with Sons of Anarchy. I really like this show but there was one episode that I watched that made it hard for me to watch again. I think I’m good now and I’ll know which one to fast forward through. I was always an Opie fan though and it was never the same after he left. Sorry if that was a spoiler for you.

I got into a conversation today with someone and we were talking about our favorite movies and TV shows. I think my list changes a lot but what always stays on there is Goonies. That is such a fun film but I’m also a huge fan of anything Zalman King. I think the guy I was talking to was a bit surprised about that but I don’t care. I’m not going to filter my choices depending on the person but now I think he’s got the wrong idea about me.

This is about to turn into a sex talk. I’m a very open person, especially when it comes to sex. I like to talk about it. I know what I like in bed and I’ve seen a lot of porn or “research”. 🙂 But this doesn’t make me a whore, a slut or easy. I’m not, at all, easy and if I was to tell you my number you would be shocked, maybe. I think that the bedroom is always a place to experiment. I don’t like the idea of a date night for sex. I think people should have it all day, everyday. This brings up the what’s sexy to me question.

What’s sexy to me is this:
in jeans and white button down shirts, unbuttoned.

in their most honest form.

crying for something emotions, even a movie.

showing affection and forcing me to show affection.

asking questions and calling me on not offering the information that they are looking for.

a look a man gives me. You know the one where he wants to kiss you. Where he’s looking directly in your eyes and not looking away.

sharing their past.

being interested in something that I do, have, are or anything.

showing up, unannounced because they just had to see me.


reading something they want me to hear.

being in the moment, no cell phones, iPads or laptops.

Wearing or using something that I’ve gotten them.

watching a movie they don’t like because they know I do.

ordering my food for me at a restaurant.

giving me a hug from behind where I can lay my head back on their shoulder.

texting me random things, pictures or quotes that I like.

telling me about their dreams.

saying, “I want you, now!”

touching the skin on my lower back, under my shirt. Bare skin to skin.

trailing the outline of my lips with their finger.

singing, even if it’s bad.

learning something that I know because they want to impress me.

feeding me off their plate, with their fork.

I could probably go on and on. There’s lots of things that I like and think are sexy. Some are right on course with everyone else and some are quirky or different. But it also depends on who they guy is. Right now, it’s been such a long time since I’ve been intimate with a man that I feel I’d forget how to do everything anyway. I miss the kissing the most. I miss the “sitting on a couch making out” of dating. I need to get laid soon and that is what I’ll leave you with tonight before the music.

Hope you had a great weekend and a great week.

These are not my sex songs. I’ll have to do that on another night.




Frisky Friday…

It has been eerily quiet today, like somethings about to blow. Which is not matching my mood at all. I’m feeling a bit frisky and playful and have been all day. Text flirting a lot, I’m pretty good at it. It’s a turn on like dirty talk. Most girls that I know, that makes them uncomfortable but not me. This is all part of the conversation I was having the other night about what we like and don’t like in the sack. I’m not sure I want to actually write that here, now, while I’m at work but one day.

I’m very tired right now but have a workout class right after work so I see myself probably napping around 7 tonight which will mean I’ll be awake till 3 in the morning. That’s no fun, when you’re bored AND excited but it’s probably just hormonal. I’ll just have a drink and take care of it later.

I don’t actually have a structured plans this weekend. I’d like to organize my closet but if you saw if you’d understand why I might just use any detraction to get away from that. Work’s been stressful this week. I think I’ve had more conversations with attorney’s that ever before. I’ve had to recreate a human resource manual from scratch, finish tax prep on three companies and finish design work for graphics. See, I do everything.

I’m just taking a break from typing mediation documents right now to clear my head. I might just start drinking right now… That should make for an interesting mediation next week. Hope you’re having a great Friday.


Sundays thoughts…

Humans never cease to amaze me. Waiting for the closest parking spot, at the gym… The human capacity for contradiction and hypocritical thinking is astonishing sometimes. These were some of the things my friend and I talked about the other night. It was an hour and a half conversation and I’m not sure we discussed work at all, since he’s also a client. I like his honesty and for some reason, lately, he’s one person that I told a little secret too.

Back when my ex and I were dating, not that long ago, I’d had a moment of “Oh shit! I just might be pregnant.” I took the test and nope I wasn’t. As I’m telling my friend this story he interjects “You wouldn’t have cared come on… You don’t care about the guy but you wouldn’t have minded having a kid”. My reply to his honesty was this, “No, I wouldn’t have mind. In fact I was a bit sad when I wasn’t but realized that I really didn’t want to be tethered to this guy for 18 years. I never wanted him to be the father. Luckily, he won’t be. My friend and I discussed a lot of other things too. He likes to hear to gossip from down here. He’s a bit detached since he moved up north, (DC, Jersey, New York) wherever he is. I gave him some of the mutual “acquaintance” gossip but didn’t really divulge any our closer friends gossip because it’s not my place. I usually feel good after our discussions except he’s really trying to get me to come up and see him. I wish it was just that easy.

It might be just that easy if work wasn’t an insane mess lately. I do like to be busy but there’s this guy who started working there again. He gets on my nerves so much and I tell him he does. Although, he thinks I yell at him and call him names because it’s a form of affection and in some cases it is but not here. I literally told him the other day that he was the most annoying, dumbass I’ve ever know. He just laughed and said something about it being a sister type of affection. He’s really just pissing me off more.

After that particular day, I’d gone and had a few drinks with an old friend. It was fun and we were just bullshitting about nothing really but soon the conversation went on to sex and what we enjoyed and didn’t. Those conversations are fun. He’d asked what the one thing a man forgets about “in the middle of” my answer is usually the breasts… Men usually forget those are there sometimes but then we went into the discussion about so much other stuff. I might do another post about all that but I realized that there’s the other reason why I dislike the single life now, the sex is gone. It doesn’t have to be but I’m trying to be more of an adult where that’s concerned. Again, we’ll see how that works out.

I did start my day with the gym which was awesome but (if you wear a fitbit you’ll understand this) my battery died on my fitbit and even though I worked out for two hours I have no record of it… This is annoying to be but I’ll get over it. This week is already shaping up to be busy. I think the only downtime I have is Monday so far and at the rate I’m going with my sleep and dreams I’m not sure I’ll be well rested for all the hectic but bring it on anyway.

Hope you’re having a fun day.

lana-del-phone sex