Monthly Archives: September 2022

Song of the day: 1000x By: Jarryd James

Posted by orchidblueblog on

I am having the worst time sleeping lately and when I do I’m having these seriously weird and vivid dreams. I’m taken a sleeping pill, a sleepy drink and other things that should, by all accounts, have knocked me out. But here I am at 1:30 in the morning typing.

I thought that maybe I needed to write (or type) to get something out of my head. Maybe that would help. So here I am. I’m very aware of all the outside noises and all my thoughts as if they have been put on a projector screen.

I went and saw my Shaman friend who I haven’t seen in a while this weekend and she had some interesting things to say. I guess I’ve been sinking with those things for days now. Quietly, all by myself, thinking about those things.

It’s funny as I went to dinner with a good friend Saturday night and thought about what the guy I’d met a few nights before had said about me opening up and talking to someone but I realized I just can’t let people in like that right now. Not really sure why.

I think holding in my thoughts and fears is making me sick though. Like my body feels I’ve got secrets. It reminds me everyday of my stored trauma and I know how to fix it and how to let it out but I guess facing that, in reality alone, isn’t something that I feel strong enough to do right now.

I have a “thing” this weekend that’s not quite a date but I think he thinks that it might be. I’m not interested in him like that but I do value his friendship. Friday night will be boring but Saturday will be interesting. I’m hoping we can just quietly go listen to music but we’ll see.

That’s all for now. I’m going to try, again, to sleep. Xxx

Song of the day: Diplomacy By: Undertow

Posted by orchidblueblog on

I had such a great day yesterday. I’d decided to take the day off to do someone personal things and it was so nice and relaxing. I’d forgotten what it’s like to have a weekday be like that.

First, I handled some appointments I needed to go on and then I just kind of drove around and relaxed. It was really nice. Today, on the other hand, reminds me why I don’t take days off. It’s busy and crazy but that’s a typical day. Hope you’re all well and having a great week. xxx