Romancing the Stoned…

I’ll share something that I rarely do. It’s a recipe. I’m a half-ass paleo. Yep, that’s me without the whole “In your face with it 24 hours a day” self. Tonight has been the first night in a long while that I decided to stay home and cook. While I’m actually a really good cook, I barely ever do. I have some sort of phobia of leftovers. It’s a thing, I swear. However, tonight, the spaghetti squash that I bought a while ago was giving me the saddest look so I decided to finally cook it and because it was awesome I’m going to give you my recipe at the end of this post, which was smashed together from about 5 different pins on pinterest.

Before my recipe I’ll let you about my day today. First, if I see one more heart shaped anything I’m going to stab it. I have never been a fan of a forced holiday even if it does promote love. Second, even when I was in a relationship with someone I’d usually choose to spend this day with friends that were single. It just made more sense. Do we really need a day to say, “Hey honey, I need to prove my love to you by buying you something expensive so in the hopes that you’ll reciprocate on steak and bj day?” I have no problem reciprocating but I also don’t need a day that tells me to do it. My boss was all excited about his steak and bj day and all I could think is, “Why does that only happen on one day of the year? That’s weird.”

I bring this up because an old FWB called the other day. He’d asked if I wanted to go to dinner. I couldn’t think of anything worse so I declined but he has been pretty pushy about it. He and I had LOTS of fun back in the day but we’d both gone our separate ways a long time ago. I finally just asked him what his deal was and his response was, “I’ve been dreaming about you lately. Nothing crazy but it made me miss you. You’ve been in my thoughts a lot lately.”

I understand the whole, “In your dreams” thing. Trust me but I’m not sure it always means that you need to see that person. Maybe it means that there’s unresolved issues or something. But what I do remember about him was that he was a romantic pothead. He was sweet but knowing we were just having fun he’d do these weirdly romantic things that I’d expect a boyfriend to do.

When I was telling someone about this today, it brought up the whole romantic or sexy conversation. I think he was trying to get pointers for his V-Day. I told him I was a bit weird but I write about what I think is sexy a lot. I guess I don’t really write about what is romantic to me. Sometimes they’re one in the same I guess. It’s been such a long time that I have no idea if any of these things would work on me anymore 😦 . That’s a sad thought. Also, I can’t even tell when someone is flirting anymore. I just assume they’re all being nice until they respond with some blatant outburst. That’s what I need, blatant outburst.

I just got of the phone with my friend from the northeast. He’d made the comment to me that I probably don’t want a “normal” life. I told him that the more and more I grow up the more I crave some sort of normalcy, some sort of routine. I do want that right now. The house, the 2.5 kids, the husband. I’m just not sure when or if that’s ever going to come. I know. I say that a lot. It’s just, when it was right in front of me, for the taking, I didn’t know I wanted it or wasn’t ready. So, I pray. I know what I want now. That should make things easier right?

Hope you’re all having a great week. I have no idea what my weekend has in store for me yet.

And below is the recipe if you’re interested.

1 spaghetti squash – (because I’m lazy) cook in the microwave for about 20 minutes. After 10 minutes stab it about 20 times but don’t stab yourself. It WILL be effing HOT so use a mitt or something. Then put it back in to cook for the remainder on the opposite side. Let it sit in the microwave for another few minutes. Put a pan on the stove. Put on low heat and add garlic, butter and lemon juice (a crap load). While that’s all merging together, cut the squash in two. It’s best to use a serrated knife or you might run the risk of it sliding and dropping on your foot which would suck because it’s hot and heavy. So you’d have a broken burnt foot. Then, with a fork scrape the crap out of the inside and dump in the pan. Turn the heat up a bit and since there will be so much squash, more than you’ll ever need, put more butter. I put some basil in there too and lemon salt. Cook for about another 10 minutes. Next, dump a crap load of parmesan cheese and turn off the heat. Now go do something for about 5 minutes, whatever. Now eat it and love it because you’ll be eating it for days. I’m not kidding. There’s a shitload of extra. Anyway enjoy that.


Inappropriate conversation day… with some randomness.

If you can think of the most inappropriate conversations you’ve ever had, multiply them by ten and that’s what’s happened today. Luckily, I’ve got some sick and twisted friends which are awesome. One of the most important things to me is that a friend be a bit off, have a sense of humor and be fun. Sure we can have serious talks but there is nothing better than the type of laughter that comes from the pit of your stomach and your cheeks hurt afterward. I have a bit of a twisted mind so anything goes. That’s the rule and there are no rules.

That’s probably another thing I should ad to my list for a man. If he can make me laugh, even just a little bit, he’s got me. I find it much easier to be the joke teller or the sarcastic responder than the one who someone can make laugh. It was always my goal at family gatherings to get my father or brother to laugh because that meant something was really funny.

Today was a nice break from my normal crapfest during tax season. It’s such a bland, boring yet important time of the year and I usually go a bit bat-shit crazy but not this year. I’m looking forward to so many things and focusing on those things instead of numbers, which is weird cause I’m a numbers gal. I’m looking forward to spending time with my friend tomorrow night. Looking forward to an evening at the spa on Friday night because I damn well deserve it. Then I’m looking forward to the weekend and not just because it’s Superbowl but because it should be a really fun time too.

The only problem I foresee is this. First, one of my app addiction is flipboard. It’s the only way I get my news nowadays. One of the article on there today was about how alcohol makes you horny… (such a stupid word). I suppose the adult version is “alcohol gets you excited”. This is such a bad thing. I’m already overly excited half the time (most of the time) now so with alcohol in me???? That’s just going to make it ever so hard. I’m attracted to my friend and he and I have gone down that path before so I might have to either not drink that much OR fib my way into disregarding my own personal safety and going home that night. He doesn’t want us there so I will not be the instigator.

The last thing I would want to do is make him feel awkward at this stage. He’s been great lately and while it wouldn’t change things for me, he might start to pull away after so there’s that. It’s only a small thing on my mind which I’ll file under “no need to worry about stuff that won’t happen” folder. However, it would be fun.

The one thing that I really need to focus on and soon is getting back into my fitness and healthy eating routine. Going out for a month long birthday celebrations has it’s drawbacks and I feel so unmotivated. It’s weird. I was doing so well toward the end of the year then people visiting and partying. I need to start going back to the gym immediately after work and preparing my meals ahead of time. For a while there, I wasn’t eating much, if anything, at all and had recently lost 12lbs by accident but I wasn’t complaining. If I could just do it the healthy way. This is why I need a personal trainer and chef. There was a time when I was almost at my goal and I felt great, looked good and realized that I really could do anything with the right motivation. Maybe I’ll pretend that I’ll be walking down the aisle in a few months and need to get into the most beautiful dress ever. I’ll have to put that one my vision board to see if that helps.

Well, that’s my random rambling tonight and now it’s back to numbers for a few hours. Hope you’re having a great week. More rambling to come, I’m sure.




Answered Prayers and Altered Realities…

Why is it that when I pray about or for someone else God seems to hear me but when I pray about myself, nothing seems to change? Now that I’ve asked that I’ll ask this. Who do you pray for and what do you pray about? This is a strange topic for me, being that I’m not religious but I’ll answer those latter questions that I’ve asked of you. I pray for world peace. Just kidding. Beauty contestants do that enough for all of us. I pray for my BFF, that she stay well, be happy and make the right decisions in her life. I pray for my niece, that she be healthy, happy and safe. I pray for my friend that seems to always be on the wrong path of life. I pray that he finds peace, happiness and that he finds acceptance with his state of mind and that he lives a great life. That being said, I prayed for a few different things for him last night and at least one of them appears to have come to fruition today. Not sure I had anything to do with it but still. I always wonder what they all pray for. It’s always seemed a bit strange that right before you go into bed, you kneel, clasp your hands together and talk to someone that you can only have faith is listening to you. I suppose it brings comfort and some sort of clarity once the words pass your lips but it’s still strange none-the-less.

Today has been strange in all parts. My ex was being a bit of a brat today. We watched John Wick over the weekend and there’s a scene in there with a puppy. If you’ve seen it then you know what I’m talking about but it had me crying like a broken water faucet. Here’s the thing, I don’t cry. Very few people have witnessed this and I didn’t think I would have but it came out and he’s not let me forget it since. Any normal human should have cried over that. But regardless, he’s annoyed me and we were supposed to watch the meteor shower Thursday but I told him I couldn’t because I had to work. That seems to be my “go-to” excuse these days when I’m just not feeling it. Instead, I’d still like to watch it but I’m in need of having something let me sleep a few hours, wake me at 3 in the morning so we can watch for a few hours then go back to sleep for a while and wake me back up with a lot of coffee. I need to be rich so I can afford to pay someone to do that. I don’t usually stay mad for long so he might get to take me out Sunday, to the movies, like we’d planned. We shall see.

Even before all that annoyance though I was woken up by my “brother from another mother” who lives in the east coast, DC, New York, I don’t even know anymore but he was asking when I was coming to visit him. He’s offered an expense paid vacation and I really need to go see him. It’s a business expense for him so that’s a bonus but I need to get the hell outta here for a while. Go somewhere. Do something new. This town and these people are boring me so much right now. I’m not looking forward to anything and that’s a problem. When that happens I tend to get antsy and start looking for homes and jobs in random cities. One day I’ll actually do it. I don’t think there’s anything left here for me. It would be different if some of the extremely vivid dreams I’ve been having would come true but they are not and my mind feels heavy. I feel the need to have someone perform a trepanation on me. As they say, this too shall pass, I hope.

After that this morning, I found out my ex FWB went to save a friend of his that was getting beaten her boyfriend and they got into this fight where he (the ex FWB) actually didn’t hit back. His daughter was in the room and he didn’t want her to see that side of him. He’s a tall, buff guy. Back in the day he used to be a fighter and could probably take on anyone but he’s grown up and realized that he never wanted his daughter to meet that side of him. I have much respect for him for so many things that happened last night and now the poor guy is staying in a hotel because he’s new third wife is insane and he’s probably going to get a divorce, again. What a weird set of events that occurred for him. He’s a really sweet guy, never was too terribly smart though but he seems to have grown up a lot from the guy I met years ago. Good for him.

There’s a bunch of other stuff that happened that brings the scale of weird way past where it should be but the truth is, I’m so tired tonight I don’t even want to rehash it all. I guess you could say that I’m in a weird mood tonight. I will say this though, after seeing the temperature earlier and the “feels like” at 115 it’s nice to hear the pitter-patter of the rain drops tonight. It’s a bit comforting. Apparently comfort is what I’ve been searching for lately as I’m not getting it anywhere. I’m not sure I’ve ever really had it much. I’ve also never really confided in anyone. Well, not the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Who actually wants one person to know that much about you though? It seems like such a weapon that you hand over, freely. Maybe that’s the wrong approach. I don’t know anymore. I told you I was in a weird mood today, tonight. This blog is my outlet and hopefully it won’t use any of my truth against me at a later time.

I’m going to, hopefully, go to sleep soon as my dreams are much better than my reality right now. Hope you all had a great day. Maybe I’ll bathe this mood off me. Good Night.

Sleep To Dream By: Fiona Apple