27 Days of Music – The Y’s… and weird thoughts.

Today was a bad day, at work anyway. It astonishes me that there is so much drama that I’m willing to put up with. It’s a weird thought. I suppose some of it is the time of year. It’s tax time so it’s pretty stressful anyway but my tolerance for self-induced pain is outstanding. I’ve become a masochist, over time, through the years. That statement is funny since I have the lowest threshold for pain ever.

I had to act like a Boss today, which i hate. I also had to put on my mediator hat, therapist hat and my serious face all day. Gone are the days I get to just show up, work and leave it all there, not that that’s happened for a while.

As far as the other stuff goes? I have no idea. My heart and head are at odds again. I keep trying to drown my thoughts with exercise. It helps while I’m doing it but then, the first moment that I have time to think about shit I start to overthink things. The hardest part here is that I’ve never been like this before, or with anyone else. I guess I’ve never really acted like a girl. People tell me this is how girls are SUPPOSED TO act. If that’s the case, I like my old, don’t give a shit attitude way better.

I really wish the weekend was here already. I’m in need of a nap and late night doing something reserved for just then. I’m not even sure what I’m going to do yet anyway. People keep offering to take me out for steak. Who am I to turn down a good steak anyway? Sometimes, I can’t believe I didn’t eat red meat for five years but it proves that if I really want something then I can do it.

I hate a weird thought today. When I’m super stressed I drive. So, at lunch, I drove. Since I’m usually prone to the same path of non-resistance, I always pass this one homeless man. I’ve seen him for years. He’s never asked for money. He carries no sign and he can fit all of his belongings in a few bags which he carries everywhere. It reminded me of a Mardi Gras trip in New Orleans when we’d lost my brother. After several hours he was found but when we asked him where he was he’d said he was hanging out with the homeless people to see what it was like. Yes, he was drunk and my brother isn’t someone who’s existential but I was always intrigued with what made him really do that.

That particular trip had a lot of surprises but that always stood out. It’s always bothered me to know that a substantial amount of homeless people are there because of two things. One, they are war veterans and two because they have some sort of mental issue. I always had a fear that a few of my friends would end up that way. I’ve always been a very understanding person when it comes to mental issues because it’s so common these days. I’d rather be the person that spends the time to do the research and try to fix or understand an issue that to brush it aside.

I don’t really know why that’s on my mind right now aside from the fact that I’ve been reading a lot lately. I think I just need to focus on helping others and that is a great place to start. My three biggest causes to support, Multiple sclerosis, Breast cancer and veterans. Each touches me in a different way, through experiences in life. So, maybe, for my birthday I’ll go do some more volunteer work or something. It’s usually things that just randomly pop up in your mind that mean it’s something you need to think about.

Maybe if I focus on helping someone else my life won’t seem so, lost. According to my sign, the only true happiness is when I’m helping someone else. I tend to agree with that. At least that way I’d have something happy to write about.

I’ve officially forgotten to eat my days lately. The only thing I remember is to write here and post my songs but that’s only got two more days. This is why I need structure and routine even though I crave surprises and spontaneity. I’m confusing. Trust me. I know this. Maybe by the time the weekends over, I’ll have something substantial to write about, something happy. We shall see. None of this is the most important stuff in my head right now.

Hope you’re having a good week.


27 Days of Music – The R’s…


27 Days of Music – The O’s… and some rated PG-13 talk.

I’ve had a nice relaxing Sunday (my faux Saturday) which means tomorrow, after a few appointments, I will relax before Tuesday. It’s possible the plight of getting older that you need to relax before you go back to work. I really do like my sleep these days. I’m sure that’s not good.

On a positive note though, my foot is doing a whole lot better and I was even able to wear something other than chucks for the first time in days, so obviously I didn’t break it. I will say this though, whatever happens do NOT try to catch a glass bottle with your bare foot. It never turns out well, for the foot.

Now, today, I’ve been trying to catch up on some TV watching and was thinking about starting over with Sons of Anarchy. I really like this show but there was one episode that I watched that made it hard for me to watch again. I think I’m good now and I’ll know which one to fast forward through. I was always an Opie fan though and it was never the same after he left. Sorry if that was a spoiler for you.

I got into a conversation today with someone and we were talking about our favorite movies and TV shows. I think my list changes a lot but what always stays on there is Goonies. That is such a fun film but I’m also a huge fan of anything Zalman King. I think the guy I was talking to was a bit surprised about that but I don’t care. I’m not going to filter my choices depending on the person but now I think he’s got the wrong idea about me.

This is about to turn into a sex talk. I’m a very open person, especially when it comes to sex. I like to talk about it. I know what I like in bed and I’ve seen a lot of porn or “research”. 🙂 But this doesn’t make me a whore, a slut or easy. I’m not, at all, easy and if I was to tell you my number you would be shocked, maybe. I think that the bedroom is always a place to experiment. I don’t like the idea of a date night for sex. I think people should have it all day, everyday. This brings up the what’s sexy to me question.

What’s sexy to me is this:
in jeans and white button down shirts, unbuttoned.

in their most honest form.

crying for something emotions, even a movie.

showing affection and forcing me to show affection.

asking questions and calling me on not offering the information that they are looking for.

a look a man gives me. You know the one where he wants to kiss you. Where he’s looking directly in your eyes and not looking away.

sharing their past.

being interested in something that I do, have, are or anything.

showing up, unannounced because they just had to see me.


reading something they want me to hear.

being in the moment, no cell phones, iPads or laptops.

Wearing or using something that I’ve gotten them.

watching a movie they don’t like because they know I do.

ordering my food for me at a restaurant.

giving me a hug from behind where I can lay my head back on their shoulder.

texting me random things, pictures or quotes that I like.

telling me about their dreams.

saying, “I want you, now!”

touching the skin on my lower back, under my shirt. Bare skin to skin.

trailing the outline of my lips with their finger.

singing, even if it’s bad.

learning something that I know because they want to impress me.

feeding me off their plate, with their fork.

I could probably go on and on. There’s lots of things that I like and think are sexy. Some are right on course with everyone else and some are quirky or different. But it also depends on who they guy is. Right now, it’s been such a long time since I’ve been intimate with a man that I feel I’d forget how to do everything anyway. I miss the kissing the most. I miss the “sitting on a couch making out” of dating. I need to get laid soon and that is what I’ll leave you with tonight before the music.

Hope you had a great weekend and a great week.

These are not my sex songs. I’ll have to do that on another night.




27 Days of Music – The I’s…


Music Background With Different Genres and Types

Music Background With Different Genres and Types