Making Myself Better Challenge… Day 3.

1. No complaining. Think of one good thing that happened.
2. No spending money on unnecessary things
3. Exercise, exercise, exercise. I’ve been so focused on every single day that I’ve changed it to five days a week.
4. Eat healthy five days a week
5. Follow a strict routine during the work week

Today’s outcome:

1. Complaint free – Check. Again a few goods things about today. We had a bit too much fun at work joking around and trying to take our minds off the workload that we all have right now. It worked.
2. No spending money – Half check. I was given some money by someone at work today so I used that to splurge on something so I’m half considering this as checked. After all, I didn’t spend my normal money on anything today except groceries.
3. Exercise – Check. I did 40 minutes today before I realized that I need to take a rest day in between these workouts or I won’t stick with them again. I realize that it’s a really good thing that no one else is with me while I’m working out because red-faced, sweaty and probably stinky is not a good look on anyone. But I’m not doing this for anyone else so it’s a moot point.
4. Eat healthy – Check. We even had a catered lunch and I ordered my favorite healthy dish. Plus I’d forgotten just how much I liked that restaurant that we ordered from. Probably one of my top five favorites of all time.
5. Follow my routine – Check. So far I’ve checked this too. It’s still early and I’m sure my friends are getting frustrated at me for declining on them all week but they will have to deal.

I don’t really have any thoughts for today. Not that I didn’t think but none of it was so awesome that I feel like I need to write about it. I’m in a good mood right now so I’m going to go take advantage of this. xx

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Inappropriate conversation day… with some randomness.

If you can think of the most inappropriate conversations you’ve ever had, multiply them by ten and that’s what’s happened today. Luckily, I’ve got some sick and twisted friends which are awesome. One of the most important things to me is that a friend be a bit off, have a sense of humor and be fun. Sure we can have serious talks but there is nothing better than the type of laughter that comes from the pit of your stomach and your cheeks hurt afterward. I have a bit of a twisted mind so anything goes. That’s the rule and there are no rules.

That’s probably another thing I should ad to my list for a man. If he can make me laugh, even just a little bit, he’s got me. I find it much easier to be the joke teller or the sarcastic responder than the one who someone can make laugh. It was always my goal at family gatherings to get my father or brother to laugh because that meant something was really funny.

Today was a nice break from my normal crapfest during tax season. It’s such a bland, boring yet important time of the year and I usually go a bit bat-shit crazy but not this year. I’m looking forward to so many things and focusing on those things instead of numbers, which is weird cause I’m a numbers gal. I’m looking forward to spending time with my friend tomorrow night. Looking forward to an evening at the spa on Friday night because I damn well deserve it. Then I’m looking forward to the weekend and not just because it’s Superbowl but because it should be a really fun time too.

The only problem I foresee is this. First, one of my app addiction is flipboard. It’s the only way I get my news nowadays. One of the article on there today was about how alcohol makes you horny… (such a stupid word). I suppose the adult version is “alcohol gets you excited”. This is such a bad thing. I’m already overly excited half the time (most of the time) now so with alcohol in me???? That’s just going to make it ever so hard. I’m attracted to my friend and he and I have gone down that path before so I might have to either not drink that much OR fib my way into disregarding my own personal safety and going home that night. He doesn’t want us there so I will not be the instigator.

The last thing I would want to do is make him feel awkward at this stage. He’s been great lately and while it wouldn’t change things for me, he might start to pull away after so there’s that. It’s only a small thing on my mind which I’ll file under “no need to worry about stuff that won’t happen” folder. However, it would be fun.

The one thing that I really need to focus on and soon is getting back into my fitness and healthy eating routine. Going out for a month long birthday celebrations has it’s drawbacks and I feel so unmotivated. It’s weird. I was doing so well toward the end of the year then people visiting and partying. I need to start going back to the gym immediately after work and preparing my meals ahead of time. For a while there, I wasn’t eating much, if anything, at all and had recently lost 12lbs by accident but I wasn’t complaining. If I could just do it the healthy way. This is why I need a personal trainer and chef. There was a time when I was almost at my goal and I felt great, looked good and realized that I really could do anything with the right motivation. Maybe I’ll pretend that I’ll be walking down the aisle in a few months and need to get into the most beautiful dress ever. I’ll have to put that one my vision board to see if that helps.

Well, that’s my random rambling tonight and now it’s back to numbers for a few hours. Hope you’re having a great week. More rambling to come, I’m sure.

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New Beginnings and The standard New Years post…

New Years Eve was a blast. There was alcohol, friends and new goals put in place. It was a great night that was salted with the abundance of friends, family and loved ones texting throughout the night wishing blessing upon blessing of good luck, health and happiness in the new year. There were many toasts and many things to be happy for and about.

We also observed many traditions, some where new and some I’ve been doing for years. The first one is to write about all the things that basically sucked about the year. This is to be done before midnight and we burned the list. Forgiveness and letting go is the basic mentality. Then, at midnight, we rush to eat 12 grapes symbolizing 12 months of good luck. Do you know how hard it is to shove 12 grapes in your mouth by 12:01. I’ve got a small mouth, which was confirmed by my dentist not my friends. Then we toasted with champagne, ate round fruit, kissed whatever we could find all while wearing new, red and pink polka dotted undies. The final tradition is to eat the “Good Luck” soup recipe that I concocted several years ago from several different recipes. While we do this, we’re writing our goals for the new year. It was quite a bit to do, in the span of just a few moments but it’s all done to ensure that the luck, prosperity and love will find us in the new year.

At the end of the day, I realize that we make up our own luck. It’s not about black eyed peas, grapes or new panties. It’s about how we choose to feel, how we choose to act and the things we choose to focus on through the year. And while it doesn’t erase everything that you actually want it to it still sets the ground work for a new year. That’s my whole processes this year, to make myself the best me I can be and not for anyone else. I need to do this because I don’t like to fail. I’m a control freak and things got out of control last year. I focused a lot on what I’d lost or things that I didn’t have any control over instead of focusing on the one thing that I can control and that’s me.

This isn’t about an entire overhaul because, truth is, I like myself and if the onslaught of texts at midnight was any indication of anything, many others have me in their hearts as well. This warms my slightly chilly heart. This makes me realize that one person, not wanting me in his life right now doesn’t matter because there’s way too many others that do. It also made me realize that if he ever wants to come back into my life then there’s absolutely room because I was sad to not have heard from him at midnight. So, he’ll never know this but he was thought of and fondly. There’s no negative emotions left because I left them in the last year.

I’m spending less of this year focus on the “dreams” that others suggested and shoved in my head. The dreams that I wanted but knew, deep down, would never come to fruition. I’m letting whatever happen, happen and I’m going to be “in the moment” more than ever. Being in the moment is something that I’ve always had problems with and sometimes it was because I was trying to distract myself from the moment that I was in but mostly it’s because I got bored easily. I’ve not gotten on to social media for months and that will continue. I’m not going to be distracted by texts, emails or calls while I’m spending time with others and I’m going to give myself a break when things do go as I expected them too.

I’m also not going to expect things or have any expectations. There’s no point in setting anything up for failure but rather I’d be surprised if a situation turns into something that was unexpectedly awesome. This leads me to another tradition that was started this year. One of the things that we had to write down was our favorite memories from last year and I realized that I had a hard time remembering anything. I couldn’t think of LOL moments, great times or my happiest memories. So, the Jar challenged was born. And when I say “born” I mean that it was stolen from pinterest or borrowed.

Basically we received large mason jars and in each one were tiny post it notes and a pen. The rules are these: Each time you receive a surprise gift, accomplish a goal, find the beauty in nature, have an actual LOL moment, a memory that you want to remember, a blessing or anything that made you smile you write it down on the post it and put it in a jar and you read them back next New Years Eve instead of focusing on the bad. I like this idea because it will remind me that my life isn’t as negative as I think it is or that good things happen to whether they are far between or not.

So, all in all, it was a great way to spend the end of an old year and the beginning of a new year. Now, my living room is full of clothes to go through. My wunderlist is full of to-do’s and my heart is full of love. I’m a big ball of fuzzy love today, which is actually the 2nd right now. I figure, you’ve got one day to recover from the year before and the 2nd is where it all starts.

I also need to focus on the fact that I can’t control anything else, that instant gratification is for immaturity and that I’m allowed to not be perfect. The people around me are not perfect and I love them just the same. But I do love the idea of revamping everything around me that I can control.

So, that’s my New Years day post. My wish is that you had an amazing night and that you were safe yet had a blast as well and if not, even if you had a low key night or even spent the evening with you, it doesn’t mean that your year will be filled with the same. No matter how you spent your night I send you all a blessing of a great new year, great memories and may your Jar project be overflowing with some of the greatest memories of your lifetime. I have extra jars and extra good luck soup if you need it.

Have a great night!

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Feeling like a drunk monkey without the alcohol…

I’m sitting here and my A.D.D. has kicked into high speed. I’ve got the TV on, watching some crap I’m sure I’ve seen before, with my iPad in my lap doing stuff on there, my iPhone next to me replying to people in between phone conversations and typing my post for tonight. I guess you could say I’m trying to keep my mind busy.

I’ve had a weird week. I sit here, alone (yet not lonely) mid-week and the most exciting part of my week is after my workouts, after my dinners out, after parties, to just put on my Flashdance shirt and relax completely soberingly sober. I thought about having a glass of wine but decided against it. I’m not one to drink alone. Part of my weird week is because I’ve been asked out three times this week by all different guys and I have absolutely no interest in any of them. I’m so over this dating crap.

I’m much more interested in my workout challenge that’s going pretty well so far. What I have learned though is that I have the balance of a drunk monkey. I’d love to be someone who’s awesome at yoga but the truth is, I have no effing balance what-so-ever. I honestly don’t know how I became a cheerleader or how I was ever in dance. Somewhere along the way my equilibrium has gotten twisted or something. So, I’m doing these challenges and thanking the man upstairs that I’m doing them alone because otherwise I’d look like an idiot to any other human. I’m slightly embarrassed for myself. BUT I’m trying which is what they’re all about.

The challenge consists of 2 miles a day and it’s been three days but I’ve already almost done ten miles. I’m excited about that and the fact that I’ve still had a social life the whole time too. In years past, I’ve worked so late that it’s either a workout day or a go eff off day but never both. Now, I’ve decided that I’m not working for the man past five o’clock anymore. In fact, as of 5:01 it’s my time! By then there’s a me shaped hole in the front door cause I can’t leave fast enough. Then I’ve been coming home, changing, working out, then going out. Granted it’s only been three days but I’m happy about it so far.

My family has been really up my ass about going to visit them. They’re only 2/3 hours away but oh I hate that drive, especially alone. It’s so boring and by the time I leave work I’m so not in the mood for that but I do know that’s something I need to do sooner than later. I’d gotten tickets to the ACL festival there but that didn’t work out as planned 😦 so I’m going to have to sell them or find someone that can take off three days. There’s some really great bands there too and of course I miss my little niece. She’s such a tiny adult it’s so weird. I really should get or have one of those little tiny adults soon or a puppy. I’d much rather have a kid though.

I’m in a bit of a weird mood tonight as you can tell. My mind is everywhere and I have to keep checking to see if there’s a full moon out. Somethings happening up there in the stars. That’s all I do know. I’m not sure if it’s for the good or bad but somethings brewing. It’s it too late to think about taking my Friday afternoon nap? I feel like my thoughts are exhausting me right now. They’re jumping from one thing to another, from one person to another. I am obviously feeling much better after last weekend and the shitty shit I had to deal with. Still not quite 100 percent but getting there or as close to it as I’ve ever been. I’m pretty sure my sleeping pill is no where close to kicking in and even though it’s almost 11:00 I have a strange desire to go take a walk outside. Probably not the best idea but I seem to have some residual energy that needs to find it’s way out of me soon.

I’m still not entirely sure that I’m not bipolar or a bit crazy. I really am all over the place right now, like I’ve had too much coffee but I know that’s not it. Hell, I have no idea. I am just happy I’m not crying or in pain in this very moment. I am feeling quirky though. We’ll see where this mood leads me tonight… Good night 🙂

This will probably be one of those posts I read later and think “WTF!”. I promise you though I’m mind numbingly sober right now. Maybe I shouldn’t be. Maybe I’m just trying to keep my mind of other things or people.

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