Today has felt like one of the longest days ever, except nothing was accomplished. I feel like I say that a lot, out loud, lately. My coworker (ex) and I share a window between our offices and without looking up from my keyboard the other day I remember saying, “Do you ever feel as though you’ve done nothing but work but you’re not actually any further than you were at the start of the day?”. His reply was a mix of laughter, agreement and defeat. At least I’m not alone in that I guess.
Today has been one of those, coffee spilled, shoelace broke kind of days but instead of those things my coworker (ex) had to come to my place to pick up keys (which I hate), my toenail came off from dropping a glass bottle on it a few weeks ago and a few other things happened. I am supposed to look at everything with a fresh new perspective. This would go something like, “Well, at least we’re out of open toed shoe days and I can cover my toe with cute boots instead” or “I guess I’ll save money on a few pedicures for a while”. Except none of those things help. They feel like the final straws that are breaking my back.
Those are all the little things that compile and feel like bricks being thrown on me while already on the ground and I can’t breath. It’s times like this that I actually wished that I drank or was easily taken to bed. Yes, what I’m saying is that I need alcohol and sex right now to make me feel better but I, instead, will just finish my glass full of room temperature water and go to bed, alone tonight.
None of those things have to be done. I could easily accept an invitation to a bar tonight and end up waking up in some coyote ugly situation but since I don’t have the best luck right now I’d probably end up losing my keys and getting knocked up by some guy that I could barely stand being drunk. At least I’m smart enough to know when to throw in the towel and not to use others to make me feel better.
I thoughts rearranging things over the weekend would help with a new perspective but that hasn’t seemed to work yet. I also got new sheets as some say new sheets bring new options or something like that. Of course, I haven’t even bothered to use them yet and they’ve been sitting in the corner of my room mocking me for a couple weeks now.
I thought about doing an October challenge or a few of them. Exercise everyday, check so far. Drinking a gallon of water a day, uh no. Do you realize how hard it is to actually drink a gallon of water a day? My boss and I were supposed to do this a few months ago. We’d purchased these gallon jugs and they were left empty until this weekend. I filled it up Friday night and started to drink away come Saturday… It’s Monday night and I’m still finishing the first bottle which is crazy since all I drink is one cup of coffee in the morning and water the rest of the day. Plus, I don’t have that much time to be in the bathroom that much.
Lastly, I’m still not entirely over being sick so every once in a while I’m hacking up something that looked like slime from Ghostbusters and realizing just how nice is it to be home alone when things like that happen.
With all that said though, it supposed to be a busy week. Birthdays, concerts, appointments but what will I actually keep? I have a horrible habit of overbooking then canceling everything so as not to infect anyone else with my mood. Stoic and silent isn’t a bold look that I intend to portray but it’s my only look these days. Oh what I wouldn’t give for one fucking exciting thing in life right now!
What does exciting entail these days? Not much actually. I’d settle for just the right words spoken or the right kiss given or just something that was greatly unexpected. Have I mentioned how much I hate boring and predictable and yet that’s exactly what I’ve got. My life is not going well enough for me to write here even and I applaud you for reading.
I guess I just need to flip my mattress, change my sheets and look forward to the change into the fall season right? Well just have to see what tomorrow brings. If it’s more of the same I guess I’m staying in bed all day watching TV. I can at least be grateful for an entire month of scary movies on TV. I just want something unpredictably great right now. That’s my only request.