One of the longest days…

Today has felt like one of the longest days ever, except nothing was accomplished. I feel like I say that a lot, out loud, lately. My coworker (ex) and I share a window between our offices and without looking up from my keyboard the other day I remember saying, “Do you ever feel as though you’ve done nothing but work but you’re not actually any further than you were at the start of the day?”. His reply was a mix of laughter, agreement and defeat. At least I’m not alone in that I guess.

Today has been one of those, coffee spilled, shoelace broke kind of days but instead of those things my coworker (ex) had to come to my place to pick up keys (which I hate), my toenail came off from dropping a glass bottle on it a few weeks ago and a few other things happened. I am supposed to look at everything with a fresh new perspective. This would go something like, “Well, at least we’re out of open toed shoe days and I can cover my toe with cute boots instead” or “I guess I’ll save money on a few pedicures for a while”. Except none of those things help. They feel like the final straws that are breaking my back.

Those are all the little things that compile and feel like bricks being thrown on me while already on the ground and I can’t breath. It’s times like this that I actually wished that I drank or was easily taken to bed. Yes, what I’m saying is that I need alcohol and sex right now to make me feel better but I, instead, will just finish my glass full of room temperature water and go to bed, alone tonight.

None of those things have to be done. I could easily accept an invitation to a bar tonight and end up waking up in some coyote ugly situation but since I don’t have the best luck right now I’d probably end up losing my keys and getting knocked up by some guy that I could barely stand being drunk. At least I’m smart enough to know when to throw in the towel and not to use others to make me feel better.

I thoughts rearranging things over the weekend would help with a new perspective but that hasn’t seemed to work yet. I also got new sheets as some say new sheets bring new options or something like that. Of course, I haven’t even bothered to use them yet and they’ve been sitting in the corner of my room mocking me for a couple weeks now.

I thought about doing an October challenge or a few of them. Exercise everyday, check so far. Drinking a gallon of water a day, uh no. Do you realize how hard it is to actually drink a gallon of water a day? My boss and I were supposed to do this a few months ago. We’d purchased these gallon jugs and they were left empty until this weekend. I filled it up Friday night and started to drink away come Saturday… It’s Monday night and I’m still finishing the first bottle which is crazy since all I drink is one cup of coffee in the morning and water the rest of the day. Plus, I don’t have that much time to be in the bathroom that much.

Lastly, I’m still not entirely over being sick so every once in a while I’m hacking up something that looked like slime from Ghostbusters and realizing just how nice is it to be home alone when things like that happen.

With all that said though, it supposed to be a busy week. Birthdays, concerts, appointments but what will I actually keep? I have a horrible habit of overbooking then canceling everything so as not to infect anyone else with my mood. Stoic and silent isn’t a bold look that I intend to portray but it’s my only look these days. Oh what I wouldn’t give for one fucking exciting thing in life right now!

What does exciting entail these days? Not much actually. I’d settle for just the right words spoken or the right kiss given or just something that was greatly unexpected. Have I mentioned how much I hate boring and predictable and yet that’s exactly what I’ve got. My life is not going well enough for me to write here even and I applaud you for reading.

I guess I just need to flip my mattress, change my sheets and look forward to the change into the fall season right? Well just have to see what tomorrow brings. If it’s more of the same I guess I’m staying in bed all day watching TV. I can at least be grateful for an entire month of scary movies on TV. I just want something unpredictably great right now. That’s my only request.

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Making Myself Better Challenge… Day 9

1. No complaining. Think of one good thing that happened.
2. No spending money on unnecessary things
3. Exercise, exercise, exercise. I’ve been so focused on every single day that I’ve changed it to five days a week.
4. Eat healthy five days a week
5. Follow a strict routine during the work week

Today’s Outcome:

1. No complaining – Does it count if you complain in your head while you fantasize about kicking some a-hole in the jewels? If it doesn’t then Check.
2. No spending money – Check.
3. Exercise – Check. I was still so exhausted when I got home I thought long and hard about taking a nap but instead threw my clothes on and did 55 minutes.
4. Eat healthy – Check.
5. Follow a strict routine – Check, so far. I still have a few hours before sleep so hopefully I’ll get all this done.

I’ve had this weird feeling all day. I’m not really sure where it’s coming from but the voices all around me are not helping. No, I don’t mean the voices in my head. This would be one of the downsides to living in an apartment complex. Apparently some neighbors are fighting about something. Other neighbors are stoned. It’s usually pretty quiet around here but not right now.

This was all fine when I was working out because I zone out but now I’m sitting trying to work and that’s not working. For a while I was getting bombarded by texts so I “airplane moded” my phone. I do that now. A lot. I guess that’s a bit of me trying to control my world. Which I still painstakingly still can’t do much. Plus my I didn’t sleep well last night. I was just tossing and turning for no real reason. I guess that weird feeling started last night.

My weekends trying to fill out again, so quickly with appointments but I’ve really started to appreciate the surprises, the last minute “hey lets do this right now” texts. Sounds bad to the ones that plan out an evening with prior notice but I need something new in my life right now. I even thought about turning my hair pink again just to see something different. Why do I crave different so much?

My BFF and I haven’t talked in a while. Granted, the last time we spoke was for seven hours total but we don’t really know what’s going on with each other except we’re both excruciatingly busy. She’ll randomly text me “Good morning sunshine. How are you?” I’ll response with “Good morning moonshine, tired and busy you?” and her reply is usually “same 😦 ) We usually spent Memorial Day weekend together and this year she’ll be coming here to see a show. So we’ll get to see each other at a loud, hot concert and with her family which stresses her out. This should be entertaining or at the least interesting.

My post is even boring tonight and I met a guy today. He was attractive but couldn’t regurgitate anything that he said because I wasn’t even listening. I’m going to rummage round my home a bit to see if anything exciting pops out. Hope you’re having an exciting week.

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Variety is the spice of life… and I am all out of spice.

My life is currently so routine that there is no spice left in it what-so-ever. We’ve all heard the phrase “Variety is the spice of life” right? I feel like the blandest dish, in the blandest restaurant, in the blandest town right now. Weekdays are as follows:
Wake up (hopefully)
Makeup/Dress
Grab breakfast
Work (fight with boss)
Home
Workout
Shower or bath
Chat
Write
Maybe dinner
Sleep

My weekends are the same bars, the same restaurants, the same clubs…. Just everything the same. I realize that my life gets chaotic when I don’t have some sort of routine but where is the spontaneity? Where is the surprise? Where is my spice? If I don’t do something new soon I’m going to run away so some far off land. This is getting ridiculous.

I was so bored working today that I decided to check out the process of getting “frozen popped” like my friend just did. I want a child anyway and if the right man isn’t going to just show up in my completely boring life then maybe my next step is to just make it happen. I checked out the cost, which (thankfully) wouldn’t be an issue. I checked out the process. Now, I realize that this decision wouldn’t be made out of boredom but rather the fact that this is a part of my life that I’m missing and I am at the point where I could make this possible.

So, as I’m thinking of all this today, I was thinking about the fact that I could just go to my ex and ask him to “donate” because he’d be more than willing to do this. He’s intelligent, very attractive and has good genes. Yes, he’s a bit crazy but in my opinion I think most people have a little crazy in them. The problem here is that while it would save me thousands of dollars, he’d want to be part of the child’s life. I can’t take that much of him so it wouldn’t be fair to ask him. I’ve said before that there’s not too many people that I can actually stand for long periods of time. That’s sad right?

Things in my life usually happen when they’re not expect and therefore me planning anything is just a waste of time. But I did finalize my thought about getting “frozen popped”. I’d decided that if I did get it from my ex and save that money then I’d go in with the boss’s millionaire friend and start a non-profit business. It all turned out perfect in my head until I realized that I didn’t actually want to have HIS kid. Wow, my brain goes crazy and wanders off in so many directions lately. Yet another by-product of being bored.

I did actually reach out to the ex the other day though. When we were dating he was mesmerized by Prince. He was his idol in some weird way. But a lot of my memories of us was sitting in the back of his car in the rain listening to Prince for hours. We’d make-out or he’d read to me or he’d just sit there with his head in my lap. We had such an age difference back then. Now, it doesn’t seem like anything but when you’re a kid it seemed like we should have been worlds apart but in those moments we were equal. I’ve said before that I was mesmerized by him as well. I never loved him but I was so intrigued by him. He looked like Johnny Depp from 21 Jumpstreet, had this long brown hair and was just a beautiful man. He was stunning to look at but I think I knew back then that my fascination with him would fade which it did.

For the longest time I never understood why he wanted to be with me. I was a kid but decades later he reveled that he thought I was the most mature, mysterious and fun person. He thought that I was smart and beautiful beyond my years and even though I was always ready to stand in the rain and get wet, even in a pretty gown he’d always thought I was a princess. Then he recalled our first kiss, which I didn’t remember until he shook my mind a bit.

He had dated my (at the time) best friends old sister. They hadn’t seen each other in years. My best friend, her sister and I were at a 24 cafe down the street from where we lived. He was there, sitting in the corner, reading. My instant reaction was that his looks almost took my breath away but then I was too ensconced into whatever silly thing we were doing at the time. The older sister and he started chatting and we had all decided to go back to her house. My best friend and I were chasing each other down the street at 2 am on a school night and he and the older sister were sitting on the porch watching us and smoking.

At around 4, I’d decided to venture back home. I started my walking route as it was just down the street but quietly behind me was his hatchback. When I stopped to ask him if he was lost he’d said no but he wanted to make sure that I got home safely and because I’d declined his offer to drive me home he was just going to follow me. This was way before the cell phone era and I wouldn’t have been able to send him a HS&S (home safe and sound) text, that I do to my friends now. I’d decided to just get in the car and let him drive me as it seemed less creepy that way. And so it started. We’d gotten to my house about 3 minutes later and just sat in the car and talked like I’d never talked with anyone before. Hours passed and I realized that my nemesis, the sun, would be up soon and I bid farewell to my new strange friend but just before I left the car he leaned in a kissed me like I’d never been kissed before.

I’d left the car that night with butterflies the size of large tigers in the pit of my stomach and that start a three year affair. For the next three years we saw each other every single day. He’d pick me up from work or school. He’d spend the night at my house. When the weekends came hours turned into days of being with each other and his strangeness just made me more intrigued by him. But then one day, on his birthday, he was sitting next to me in the back of our friends car and I looked at him looking at his own reflection in the car window and realized that I felt nothing. There was literally no emotion left. The next day became the first day that I would decline to spend time with him and days then turned to weeks which turned into years.

I’d thought about him in passing through the years but even with that beginning he never made the “love of my life” list because I never loved him and certainly was never in love with him. I feel weird to know that he still keeps a lock of my hair, still has all my cards and has written poetry about me over the years.

Love is a strange thing to me. It both pains and confuses me that we can’t choose who we fall in love with. This is also the view of someone who is completely self-diagnosed as an emotionally immature person. I have some great and wonderful spontaneous memories of our time together though and I get to cherish those. Unfortunately, for him, they will choose to stay memories and not a foreshadowing into a future which is why the better option is to fork out 10 grand on someone that I don’t knows “frozen matter” is the better decision. But who knows, maybe I’ll get drunk this weekend, go into the same bar or club or restaurant and go home with a one night stand that turns into an eighteen year commitment.

…and these are the thoughts of someone that can not get bored or they start to think weird and crazy things.

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25 Random Facts from my Rambling Brain…

1 – My hair has been every color of the rainbow and then some. It’s going back to some semblance of my original color, if I can remember what this is but I miss my blonde hair. It was empowering.

2 – I hate social media with a passion because it brings about insecurities in me that I don’t like. People choose to show you what they want to show you and not much is actual reality. I, however, am addicted to pinterest and flipboard yet knowingly pin and flip things that I know I’ll never do which in turn perpetuates the cycle of me not finishing things that I want to.

3 – My father owned a chain of video stores in the 80’s and 90’s and I have yet to see the majority of the classics because I was too into watching some weird avant garde movie.

4 – Most days, regardless of the fact that I like who I am, I feel disconnected in my own skin. I wake up feeling “unpretty” or worn out through life’s experiences. I wake unsure that this was the life that was planned out for me and often wonder if my Grandmother would be disappointed in my choices.

5 – I do business in two ways. I either flirt my way into getting something that I want or I become the strong woman that I know I am. Logically I know that the latter is better; however, the first is more fun. While doing the flirting I usually flirt myself exhausted and end up not giving a shit about flirting on date nights.

6 – I hate messes and disarray yet my home is a disaster. I’d like to become a minimalist but I like shoes, makeup and jewelry way too much. And I keep strange reminders of time. Napkins, matchbooks and movie ticket stubs fill my memory box so I can remember the moment not the movie later.

7 – I hate authority figures and being told what to do. Yesterday, my boss yelled at me “in email form” for not doing something he’d asked me to do. So I yelled back at him, same form, because I thought his way was stupid and he apologized to me. I felt a sense of power and pride about that. I was never really “parented” when I was young so being told what to do now just feels strange.

8 – On the weekends I don’t charge my phone overnight. I let it die then watch as the texts or calls come in all in unison as I finally charge my phone sometime the next day. I got tired of hearing bad news or receiving “booty call” texts at 3 in the morning. There’s usually nothing good that comes from a text or phone call after midnight.

9 – I went to modeling school when I was an early teenager. I did one print ad for some long gone retailer when I was around 12. This was around the time I was a cheerleader. None of that was what I wanted to do. A friend of my parents wanted me to so I did. I still felt so uncomfortable in my own skin and it didn’t last longer, certainly not as long as the drugs. Regardless of how I feel in my own skin, I never want to be a stick figure. I’d strive for a Marilyn figure verse a Barbie figure any day.

10 – I was also in band, choir, Spanish, French, on the tennis team, on the volleyball team, in dance and theater when I was in school. My parents didn’t know any of that. They never saw a play, a game or concert I was in.

11 – I can’t roller skate or ice skate. I have horrible balance and it shocks me that I can wear the shoes I do sometimes without falling on my ass.

12 – My ex boyfriend made me a mix flash drive months ago but I won’t go get it because I’m afraid that I’ll just be so exhausted that I’ll say “yes” to him because I’m so tired of waiting or because I’m afraid that he’ll drug me and I’ll be his captor for years until I escape and end up 60 Minutes one day.

13 – My favorite part of me is my eyes. I love their color, green and I like what they’ve seen through the years. I also like that, with 99% of people, they can stare right into a persons soul.

14 – I drive, endlessly, some nights when I don’t want to be home alone. I take the same course and listen to music loudly. I ignore texts and calls so that I can be alone, on a dark road with my thoughts.

15 – I hate when people “infer” or “hint” at things. Come out and say what’s on your mind, what you want or what you need. There’s no harm in asking but be honest.

16 – I don’t have a real and true “in case of emergency person”. My best friend is my beneficiary but she’s 2.5 hours away. If something bad was to happen to me right now, I have no idea who I’d call.

17 – I hate that the art of letter writing is dead and that I have contributed to that. There’s nothing more special than a hand written note, card or even scrap of paper to show someone that you care.

18 – I am allergic to amoxicillin, a variety of pesticide that is used in Saudi Arabia and human emotions. I like to deflect feelings with sarcasm, humor and by going deaf for a short amount of time.

19 – I hate smoking but I do it anyway. It’s an escape from stressful situations, it gets me out of feeling uncomfortable and it’s a habit. If I woke up one day and never had the urge again, I’d be happy. It tastes disgusting, smells worse and of course there’s the unhealthy habit part also.

20 – My favorite time of day is around midnight especially when it’s raining during that time of year when it’s warm with a cool breeze during the day but cold at night.

21 – I don’t take near enough pictures as I should. I usually think I don’t look good enough to remember years from now and because I don’t always like to remember how I felt when the picture was taken. I’ll go to my grave with my memories not my photos.

22 – I’ve never met half my family. I found out when I was an early adult that I even had more family than I thought I’d had. I’ve never met my father’s father but have wanted to send him a strongly worded letter telling him he’s a piece of shit for years.

23 – I think people are way too dependent on instant gratification. We expect everything right now and our way. There’s a lost art of courting, romance and getting to know someone because social media has made it too easy to just “jump right on in there”. No one leaves anything to the imagination and it’s made true relationships a mess of passive aggressive, trivial, jealous bullshit.

24 – I yearn for a relationship based on trust, honesty, a bit of romance, thinking outside the box and of mutual respect. I want someone to come home to, to tell my day to. Someone that asks questions and waits for responses. A guy who can say “God bless you” after a sneeze, open a door and make you believe you’re pretty even when you feel like crap. A man that betters you, shows you that things will be ok and that wants to make plans with you for the future. A man with an old soul but a childlike self. Someone with the strength that you find wilted in yourself. Someone that can kiss your forehead with care, kiss your lips with passion and kiss your cheek with purpose.

25 – I secretly like to share all kinds of random things with all of you.

Hope you’re having a great weekend. Share some things of yourself.

-marks

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Missing things and feeling like a kid…

My neighbors that just moved in next door are so cute. They argue like siblings but they are obviously completely in love with each other. Their relationship makes me miss that type of relationships. The one where you can argue, wrestle, scream and then laugh and hug and kiss. It’s been way too long since I’ve had a fun, bonding relationship like that. That makes me miss it way too much. They are enviably too cute. I can almost not remember the days when I had fun like that. Most of the men I’ve been around and dated just wouldn’t understand that type of “thing”. Obviously I’ve spent too much time with the wrong ones.

I’ve put myself on a sabbatical again to try to get away from the negative crap and that comes from others. The men and their need to dominate in all things and chase dreams of money and power is just something I’m not into and find so terribly unappealing. If I have to have another dinner with someone talking about their stocks and 3rd quarter earnings I’m going to just go throat punch them all. I’m also so tired of trying to have a discussion about good music and then they bring up something so mainstream you assume that the first song that plays on their music playlist is Adele’s Hello. It’s a great song but come on people there’s so much more music out there and if I hear that song one more time I’m going to just scream. When someone says they’re a “music lover” or their library must have something other than top 40, the Weeknd and Adele… Just staying an annoyance here. But moving on…

I’m not really sure what I’m going to replace that time with, since it was a lot of my free time but something healthy. Obviously travel is in the near future for the holidays but I really do want just one weekend to be free, a kid again and my craving for unpredictability is overwhelming. I’m a slave to routine but am needing to have something shock me. People don’t shock me, especially men. Sometimes, on these dates, I felt like I could have been one of those pull string toys that have about 10 preset responses. Pull my string and any one of my replies would be acceptable because NOTHING shocks me anymore.

That’s why it’s nice to have a carefree, feeling like a kid again weekend. Al though it seems like every time I’m around my family, which is a lot lately, I resort back to this teenager. I’m the youngest one there who’s still single and I feel like everyone has to check to make sure I’m eating properly, if my school work is getting done or if I need a few extra bucks allowance. I almost want to eat at the kids table during the holidays just so it feels right.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate it all but it’s a contrast of not having much of a childhood and now feeling like I’ve never left it. Strange place to be and even harder to explain. I’m pretty sure that if I’m not in some sort of a relationship where I don’t mind bringing my date to the family next year, I’m going to just take a two month cruise or trip somewhere else instead.

That’s a strange thought. I’ve never actually taken anyone to my holidays, not intentionally anyway. There’s only one guy I would have ever brought and I think I asked him once but other than that my family never usually gets to meet my dates. That’s not true, they usually get to meet them accidentally. That’s a whole other story but for another night.

I’ve actually completed my adult tasks for the day, dishes, work and I’ll be finishing up my exercise soon then it’s meditation and some sort of TV that will be on in the background as I play around on my computer not paying any attention to it what-so-ever. I don’t actually remember the last thing I watched and actually paid attention to.

It was an early post for me tonight in hopes of doing something predictably important later. Hope you’re all having a wonderful week.

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Saturday slump…

I’m continuing my boredom from yesterday, or relaxing. I haven’t figured out which yet. I did make it out of the home for a sweat class and made it to the doctor. Apparently, there’s something wrong with my spleen… What the hell does that do anyway? I wasn’t up to par today anyway because I fell asleep all wonky on the couch last night and then came home today and did it again.

I had a drunk visitor last night, a girl, who’s a bit deeply disturbed but she brought over this disgusting food. I will be throwing that out tomorrow. I still never made it to the grocery store which I should really do. As I said yesterday, I’m running out of sustainable food. For me, lately, that means a breakfast bar, a shake for lunch and some kind of decent dinner. I’m still in a funk, all around and for some reason my fridge won’t stop making this noise like a dying animal.

On to the other topic that I can’t seem to get off my mind. My friend, still haven’t seen him. It’s been two weeks. My fear is that since his parents will be down here soon for probably two months, I’ll never see him then either. I guess, in my current states it’s probably best that I don’t anyway. I’ve explained before that I really only seem to have all these issues come up when he’s not around, so when he’s here I don’t have much clarity. My thought process is, since there’s no future for us, maybe it’s best we don’t continue doing this dance. You can’t fall out of love with someone when they come around and be all cute and shit. He has been reaching out a lot more than I’m used to and I do like that. Although it all seems to be bad news but at least he’s communicating.

One complaint that I hear from every person in my life is my lack of reaching out. Boyfriends have always commented that if they didn’t call or text then they’d never see me. I am someone who believes in space. I believe that you should do whatever you want. I’ve never been a needy girl that has to hear from my bf’s every single day. I’m a huge advocate for “boy’s night” and I don’t even care if it’s at a strip club. If you trust someone then you trust them completely so what’s the point. But, the reason I bring this up is that I’ve had friends and bfs in the past ask me to communicate more. I’ve attempted and then gone back to my simple ways. But if the friend ever said that he wanted me to communicate more then I would. As it is right now, I never know where he is or what he’s doing, or who he’s with so I’d rather just not send a message that gets no reply for days, especially if I know your phone is right next to you the whole day. So I just don’t.

Blah, this has been a bad weekend. I hate being as bored as I am but don’t want to do anything that anyone else suggests. My GBF went to the beach this morning with a friends from out of town and he invited me to go. I love the beach and just didn’t feel it at all. I also got a text from an old friend today that he went to Vegas and had a quickie marriage and that’s another one who’s been lost to the wedding vows, oh how envious am I. Actually I’m not, I’m very happy for him. But I do wish that I didn’t have to continue checking the “single” box on everything. And yes, I know that I don’t HAVE to but I don’t WANT what was given to me by my ex. I’m very much done with him.

Another thing that “people” say you should do if you’re trying to get over someone is to write down all their bad flaws and faults. I tried that. It just made me sad because none of the flaws or faults make me not want to have my friend in my life. I’m such a contradiction lately, or forever. WHY DO I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF HIM SO MUCH? It’s perplexing to me.

My friend’s and my mutual friend sent me some working info the other day and signed it with “Behave”. I found that lately, this is the last thing I need to worry about, is behaving. I’m being the most boring, predictable, not social girl ever. Well, for me. My brothers been asking me to go see them for a while now. I really should. I don’t think I’ve actually seen my family since February or March I think. I really should go but each time I’ve gone there over the last few years my brother tries to convince me to sign up on match or some other dating site. Nope, I won’t do that again.

It’s way past my bedtime right now. I’m going to try not to fall asleep again on the couch while watching crap TV. Good Night.

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I’m a useless human tonight…

My intent was to go have a nice dinner and wine but my reality was that I fell asleep, straight through it all. I woke up unrested, frustrated and annoyed. Today has been yet another day that humans have disappointed me with their lack of good surprises. So it’s basically been a shitty week for me. When I finally got out of bed I decided to take a bath and meditate. I’ve been feeling really anxious too which is weird so I took a pill for that. Now, I’m bored, so bored and won’t be tired for a long time. Tomorrows plans got canceled so it’s quite possible I’m going to be binge watching something from now until Monday morning. Haven’t decided what yet.

I posted my resume just to see what else is out there, although I just had my 16 year anniversary at work. I tried to find an old friend and mentor from when I was about eighteen or so but didn’t have much luck. Then I tried looking for volunteer work, so I could start that again. I even started looking for homes to purchase. I really am ALL OVER THE PLACE right now. Sadly, I’m not sure I have any reason to stay here anymore, in this city. My love life is non-existent right now. The only guy I could see myself with long term is off ravishing women somewhere and since that’s unrequited that’s not a reason to stay. My BFF is probably my rock right now and we haven’t even had a real conversation since we went to Vegas at the end of May I think. Maybe I’ll go move into my brothers guess house, grow a garden and live off the earth while making candles or jewelry and selling them at markets. Or maybe I’ll take an extra pill, have a glass of wine and go drown myself in the bath… I HATE BEING BORED.

I’m kidding of course, about the drowning. I need something real, something exciting. Maybe I just need sex. I don’t even know anymore. I swear these posts make me sound bi-polar at times but I am not. I think I just woke up cranky and went to look for something and can’t find it. I’m almost out of sustainable food and toilet paper so I’ll have to venture out at some point and my stomach is still in pain from all my stress and worry which is useless because none of it matters to the party that it’s about.

I think I will take another pill and drink some wine, someone might want to check on me in the morning… Kidding again, kind of. Actually, I’d forgotten about my favorite of all time movie that I haven’t seen in a while. Stealing Beauty. I think I’ll watch that and try to find something fun to take up my time. Good Night.

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