I woke up early but exhausted. I don’t know why. I didn’t go to bed late but it might have been the one drink. I told you I’m a lightweight. I threw on some clothes that were clean enough and painted my face, after throwing my hair into a messy tail. I knew I’d have to leave early enough to get a very large coffee that was overpriced because the Folgers just wasn’t going to cut it today.
I arrived at the office with large coffee and breakfast in hand, decided I’d actually open the blinds this morning to let in some semblance of sunshine even though the true light didn’t shine through till the afternoon. Then I sat in my comfy leather worker bee chair and commenced to work. After about an hour, I got a phone call from one of my bosses friends who also happens to be a millionaire investor. He’d asked if he could come by and get some stuff notarized and printed and faxed. He’s a much older gentleman who finds no need for the technology of present day until he does.
When he showed up about 1.5 minutes later (apparently assuming that I would already have been there when he called) he pulls up in this tiny little Honda. This is not a man that fits his car. He excitedly got out and walked over to me, already outside. He immediately started cracking jokes at his expense about Rogaine and Viagra. After his comedy hour had stopped I asked him why he drove such a modest car. Not that it matters but I’m a girl who likes cars and was just curious. He said he’d done the Rolls and the Jag and was just trying to live more simplistically. I can understand and respect that.
I think a lot of his money came from inheritance and from some work that he did in his prime but it’s nice to see that not all the “other half” or the “2%” of the world don’t all have an “in your face” attitude about their money. But we had a nice conversation about different things and then I asked if he was interested in getting into some non-profit type of thing. So, we have an appointment for lunch next week where we can discuss setting up a charity or something. I’m going to have to think about what it is that I want to do first. That’s my dream job.
Which brings me to my current job. I’ve been here for seventeen years and have known one of the owners for 20 years. He likes to say that I’m his sister and I like to say that he’s an asshole. He’s a middle-aged man who thinks he’s a rockstar. We have a very different relationship because I don’t sugarcoat things to him and he lets me get away with quite a bit. Is it equal? Absolutely not, but that’s something that he’ll never see because he’s a control freak, has A.D.D., and is a narcissist. Apparently, I attract a certain type of man in my life but however it’s explained we don’t have a normal Boss/Employee relationship.
He’s been at his worst lately, though. I knew something was wrong but it didn’t concern me so I just was my bitchy self to him and he barely showed up to work. He’d be too drunk from the night before to even answer an email, text or pick up the phone and it was just pissing me and the rest of his employees off. Today, though, we’d started talking about his cousin’s wedding. A wedding that I was supposed to attend but was not feeling well so I couldn’t. I’d asked if he brought his girlfriend and I could kind of see the story on his face already.
They met years ago, my boss and his girlfriend. They were both still married to others at the time with children. Obviously, this led to both of them getting divorces but only in the last few years did that happen. My boss is the type of guy that likes to have his cake and eat it too and being that he was a control freak, he wanted his marriage of convenience and his girl on this side. But that didn’t happen. He went through a huge bit of depression. He had to and still has to deal with his ex-wife’s anger towards him. But after a while he was ready to have the girlfriend move here. She lived in another city about four hours away.
She did move here but instead of the promised, readily available home he’d promised her he asked that she move in to an apartment until his kids had time to adjust. She’s a petite woman in her mid 40’s. She’s very attractive but I’m sure she doesn’t believe it. She doesn’t appear to be that self-aware. We’ve spoken on a few occasions and it left me with the impression that she’s a natural nurturer but that has the tendency to take a backseat to all others in her life. She’s a giver, giver, giver until she breaks. Well, I think she broke.
So, as we sat in my bosses office this morning, he explained that she was moving back to her previous home, didn’t want to talk to or see him anymore and was just over everything. This, I understand. I felt this instant sympathy pain for her because I both knew what she was dealing with as far as he’s concerned (I have know him for 20 years) but also because it reminded me so much of the friendship that THE friend and I have.
To give, give and give to someone who is so focused on themselves and all they can do it take, take, take. To give up so much control as to how things are. To never use the word “no” because it sounds like such an ugly four letter word to them. I understand what it’s like to give until you break. The only differences between her and I are that I’m a strong female who never broke. While it felt or feels as though I’m being ripped in half some days I’ve never fully broken. The second similarity is that I’ve been through this and know what I needed/need and can at the very least pass that knowledge on. So, I did.
I talked a lot about things he could do, say or show her that would help. I told him to write her an actual hand written letter, to get on his knees and be as emotionally vulnerably honest as he could be right in front of her. I explained to him that women don’t remember dates and times. We remember moments and actions.
For the next hour, my boss sat there and listened to me, only to get shh’ed each time he tried to interject anything. I told him that he was selfish, narcissistic, a control freak and he takes anger, sadness and frustration out on those closest to him because he assumes that they’ll always be there. I explained in detail that he is constantly taking people for granted and that to “on-lookers” it’s as though they become disposable in his eyes. I went on to explain that him trying to control everything was impossible and that he needed to take care of and focus on changing his entire life if he ever wanted to be happy.
After about 45 minutes of this, I could see that things were starting to hit him hard and for the first time in 20 years he looked like how he actually felt inside. With total honesty he looked at me and said he agreed with every single thing I was saying and that he is totally in love with her and scared to death of losing her. Then I saw it. The tear which then turned in to two tears and at the end of this unplanned “intervention” there was a broken, hurting, scared boy but for the first time in a long time he was human to me. His truth and his tears made me realize just how vulnerable he was and just how much I’d hit home with him.
My intent was never to make him cry or to make him hurt. My intention was to make him see and understand her side and how she feels and just how bad she must feel to just up and leave when she is truly and completely in love with him as well. My intent was to use what I have or what I go through as a lesson. If my pain or feeling like I’m being taken for granted or anything that I’ve gone through can help someone else then I’m ok with that. Or at least I can be better at being ok about it.
I don’t live in a world where I have normal relationships. It’s just that simple. I’m not sad about that or I’m just used to that. I don’t even know anymore. I know that my run after work and after grocery shopping was needed more than ever. And because feeling like you’re unappreciated is probably one of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt, I reached out to his girlfriend. I asked her to have dinner with me before she leaves and she said she would love to. I’ll see what I can do because I think those two are actually right for each other. They are ying and yang. I know what that feels like as well.
The other side of the token is this though. During my run, my meditation, I started thinking about his side of things because that’s the curse of being an empathetic person. You get to feel it from both sides… That sucks. But I texted him after and said that I wasn’t going to apologize for being truthful with him but that I was sorry he was hurting. That’s the truth. I also finished off the text with a nice, “But I’m doing this because I care. Stupid asshole”. His response was “Thank you, I love you like my own”. To which he will never see a reply because that shits just getting too real and too emotional now.
So now, after all of that and my BFF going into a multiple sclerosis relapse, I am just emotionally drained. Remember the other night, when I posted something about screaming, “SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF ME FOR ONCE!” Yeah, I think I’m silently screaming that now. I’m pretty sure I was also complaining about being bored too. When I do, remind me of days like today and tell me to shut the eff up… Okay?
So that is my life right now. Never normal. Never perfect. So, my tales of two men today: One who has the power to put me in the position to have my dream job and the second who gets to learn the error of his ways from his employee who gets to do it all while calling him an asshole. Now I’m off to soak in the tub, to read and to do yoga… Just kidding. I’m going to spot clean, watch crappy TV and fall asleep exhausted after watching some porn on my iPad.
I hope you all enjoy your evenings.