As you all know I’ve been feeling a bit out of place lately, uncomfortable in my own skin again. Last week, at the last minute, my crazy friend mentioned she wanted to go out of town. I’d had plans all weekend but canceled them and said sure. So she and I went off to Austin for the weekend. I’d called my brother and asked if it was ok. I specified that we ONLY wanted to relax and not be entertained or actually do anything. It happened to be the perfect weekend.
We were planning on just going up Saturday and coming back Sunday at first. Then she called me Friday and said, “Fuck it. Lets go now.” So we’d got on the road just after 4 and literally spent the entire weekend just relaxing. My friend, who’s usually a talker, spent most of the weekend quiet, contemplative. I spent most of the weekend hanging with my niece, jumping on the trampoline and relaxing in his backyard. The weather was perfect. By the end of the weekend I had no regrets of canceling on anyone and even less regrets about spending most of the weekend in my pajamas.
With everything that’s been going on with friends, men and work I didn’t realize how much I really needed to get away. It was cathartic. It was sad though that the moment I came back, to my home, I immediately felt disconnect and crazed again. It felt like the moment I got back home I went immediately in my own head which is where I tend to overthink. My friend has already asked me when we can go back because it was that relaxing there.
I don’t really know whats wrong again. Obviously inside my head way too much but it’s other things too. Missing people, realizing some people really weren’t worth my time and realizing just how hard it is to find solid soul connections in my life. On the drive to my brothers my friend tried to bring up a few things and I just said, “Nope. Don’t want to talk about that/him/them.” So we didn’t talk much about anything all weekend. We got a little too high Friday night but had a blast anyway. Didn’t drink at all and we both actually slept well. I got the room next to my niece with gerbils who are actually kind of cool pets. (Random thought there).
But now I’m back, what’s next? I was supposed to go to a lunch meeting on the other side of town close to the beach at one of my clients this afternoon but that got moved to tomorrow. That means that I got dressed up and out of my pajamas, unpacked my boots and jacket for nothing. Whatever, I looked cute. 🙂
So back to, “What do I do now?” I have no idea. I guess I’m giving up on the relationship front again. I’m stopping the dates and only hanging with friends till at least after the holidays are over. That’s one thing that I guess with stop me from being in my head. Another thing, I had a friend ask me if I wanted to book bands for him at a new bar he’s opening late next year. It would be an extra paying job, so much fun and I’ve done it before so I know what I’m doing. Plus knowing a crap load of musicians in town and bands would make it easy. I wouldn’t be doing anything till next year though which allows me time to do my regular 9-5 job, plus my private clients and then help him. It’s something else to take my mind off shit. I basically told him that if he allowed me to throw some charity events there also I’d totally do it. He said I could do whatever I wanted.
Something you don’t know about me, when I was about 14/15ish I’d written a business plan for a coffee shop during the day and a bar/club at night. It was so detailed and I even got the name registered at the county courthouse. I’d always wanted to own/run a bar/restaurant establishment. I think mostly it’s my love of music because I wanted to have acoustic nights, band nights and charity events back then. Never did anything further than that though which is stupid because I know so many people now that would invest in my ideas. I guess it’s good to know people that have too much money than they know what to do with sometimes.
I actually have a lot of work to do now that my lunch meeting has been rescheduled but didn’t feel like doing that so I’m getting my thoughts out here so I have less to think about… Actually that’s not even going to matter since it’s a full moon tonight which is auspicious for my Aquarius people. I’m starting to believe less and less of that shit though since none of the good stuff is happening or I’m feeling too much of the bad stuff. I don’t know what this “stage” in my life is about. What I do know is that I need some unexpected happy surprises soon or I’m moving far far away.
So that’s what’s in my head for now. Not feeling connection to anyone or anything right now sucks. I might write later or not for weeks. Depends on what’s going on with me. I hope you’re all having an amazing week! xXx