Black silk sheets and sleepless nights…

I often think about those of you that come here to read my diatribes of dating. All I know is where you’re from, I mean from what country and that’s all. That might have been what I was wondering at 4 this morning.

I went to sleep around 1 am and because I’d worked out like crazy yesterday I thought I’d go out like a light. However, that wasn’t the case. I woke just before 4 this morning and just lied there in my black silk sheets, starring at what I think was the outline of the fan and listening to a rainstorm on my phone that’s supposed to keep me asleep. It did not. I tried once to go right back to sleep but wasn’t able to. I seriously cannot shut my mind off. I’d finally gotten up and used the restroom came back and sat on my bed. Wasn’t even tired. At around five I decided to just get up and work out. See, it becomes my obsession when needed, my therapy if you will.

I finished working out, showered and texted my co-worker and told him I was going back to sleep at 7. This did not happen. I lied there again thinking all these weird things likes these:

  • Hmmm, I never did replace my sex toys. I’d really like to get a new whip and cuffs.
  • I’m pretty sure my crazy friend (co-workers wife) has an STD.
  • I wonder if I should buy that outfit now, the “new goal outfit”.
  • I totally forgot to call that person back, and that person, and text that guy back and my mom.
  • I wonder if my ex-boss who used to stalk me knows where I live now?
  • (Staring at my bedroom light) I should really replace that bulb.
  • (Stares at phone while it’s ringing) Uh, I don’t think so.
  • Man, I am super emotional right now. Where is this coming from? Full moon, retrograde, FUCK! I can’t tell if I want to punch something or cry or scream.
  • I really dislike people who post songs that they don’t know or appreciate the meaning of.
  • Oh they’re coming to town for a show. I should go see them.
  • I seriously can’t wait for it to get cool at night again.
  • I need a date to that stupid gala thing.
  • Why is my neighbors dog so mad right now?
  • I really shouldn’t have drank all that water during my 5 am workout. (Gets up to use the restroom).
  • OH MY GOD BRAIN SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
  • Okay, think about something happy and fall back asleep.
  • Oh fuck, really, car alarm… Wait is that mine? Nope nope it’s not.
  • Okay, this isn’t working.

At this point I sit up and start pinning erotic art on Pinterest but that’s making me depressed because I just kinda want someone to cuddle right now. So, I eventually get up having had 3/4 hours of sleep and start working after a huge cup of coffee.

So that was my morning. I’m usually never this detailed but I have no idea what was going on this morning. Then, later in the day I got a call from out of the blue from my Shaman friend. She and I haven’t spoken in a while and I knew she had something to tell me.

First, we caught up on each others lives and then she mentioned that she’d just seen my boss. Let me explain this. After his really bad breakup I’ve been teaching him crystals and meditation and as a last resort which I never thought he’d go to I gave him my friends number. Yes, she’s a seventh generation Shaman but she’s also a psychic. He was desperate for answers so he actually called her up and went to see her months ago.

Now, I did tell you all about a huge argument that he and I had not too long ago that we’ve never really made up from. So one of the things she said to me was that he was sitting in her office talking about how bad he feels about that fight and how he’d wished it’d never happened. My Shaman friend basically scolded him for his entire reaction during the fight and he was asking how he was supposed to make it better. I’m sure there’s some code that she might have broken telling me this but I know that he knows she and I are close so, maybe it was all manipulative. Who knows?

Then she asked how my ankle was. I keep saying, “How do you know this shit?” But, well, cause she’s a psychic. I have had my ankle taped for a few days now because I strained it. She has no way of knowing that because even my boss doesn’t know that. Then she went into some other things especially about how she knew that all the shit going on with energy is fucking me up right now and my romantic life and some friends that I haven’t seen for a while but will be seeing this weekend and next weekend. It’s crazy to hear her sometimes and hear the things she knows knowing that I don’t tell anyone anything. But maybe that’s why she and I met.

So now, it’s almost midnight and I’m afraid that I’m almost as tired as I was last night and am hoping that I get more sleep than before because as much as I love my new workout routine I am exhausted. Then THE friend asked if he could stay here for a couple nights while his home is being rented out of AirBnB. I said fine but am so exhausted I don’t really care one way or another.

I really am just rambling at this point but I do have some good news. I did more steps today on my Fitbit that I ever have which is pretty amazing. I have also lost some weight in my challenge for July and when I saw a friend the other night he said, “Wow, you look great but don’t get skinny okay?” Pretty sure I’ll never be skinny and that’s never my goal BUT I am doing this to get healthy and to look good in some really sexy outfits. I’m not gonna lie, that last piece is more of an incentive.

With all that said, whether or not it makes sense anymore I am officially going to try to wind down for the night and hopefully sleep. I’ll leave you with a song that I think is kinda sexy and tell me what you think is sexy… Nite xXx