The ups and downs of dating…

As ironic as this next statement will be for a blog about my “dating life” it’s true. I hate dating. I love meeting new people and getting to know them but when it comes to dating, I’m a mess. First, do you realize just how many “dates” I’ve been on and never even knew they were dates? Too many to count. Unless the guy is very specific and says, “Hey we’re going to go out on a date”. I just always assume it’s just dinner or drinks with a friend. At then end of the evening when the waiter asks if it’s on the same check I always say, “Uh, no mine is seperate.”

Most of this has to do with the fact that I hate innuendo. I need someone to be straight up and honest and say what he feels. I can read others when it has to do with others but the moment it has to do with me or my dating life I become completely stupid. I can’t really fault others for this because times have changed and people have changed and because I’m oblivious to things like feelings and emotions that someone else has for me, completely and totally oblivious. It’s a fault of mine I guess.

I remember one of the first real “dates” that I went on. I was 16 and he was a friend of my brothers and in college. I was in between high school boys so I thought I was the coolest. He had this night planned after he was going to pick me up at school. I was so nervous. I mean, I’d been with guys before but this was one of the first real actual dates with an older guy. This is also before I realized that having expectations was a dumb idea.

I’d gotten dressed up that morning in a great outfit. My makeup and hair were perfect (I thought) and I hadn’t eaten all day because I was so nervous. Then, after school I went to the front the wait for him and saw him driving up the wrong way in the pick up line and his car was smoking, like on fire. After he’d gotten the “fire” under control he took me to a very fancy restaurant where we had a decent conversation, where he kept ordering all this weird food and making me try a bite of everything.

After dinner he asked if we could go to one of his favorite spots. I said sure, I never had a curfew. At this point we just start driving… and driving… and driving. After what felt like forever we ended up at this tiny little house which sold antiques. It was weird but ok. We walked around this little store for a while then got back in the car and drove again forever. Then we end up at this overgrown field. He came to my side of the car, opened the door and took my hand. We started walking into this field and after walking about 10 minutes I looked at him and said, “Dude this is weird. If you’re going to kill me just get it over with.” He laughed except I’m not sure I was kidding.

When we were finally done walking we were at an abandoned airplane hangar. I was in very high heeled boots, a short suede skirt and a silk blouse and we were in an abandoned airplane hangar. WTF! Basically he’d taken me there to have wine in the middle of it and he told me the story as to why it meant so much to him and it was a sweet thought that he wanted me to go there with him. It was just a weird date to be one of my first.

After that there was a lot of older men that tried their hardest to do the normal dinner and a movie dates which I actually don’t like going to the movies. Then as I got older it was a lot of expensive restaurants, work dinners or charity galas. I’ve had some pretty amazing dates. But some of the most special ones are the outside of the box dates. I don’t like dinner and movie, I don’t even really like dinner that much. Going to a bar or a concert isn’t a great date, it’s a great hang but never a great date. It’s cheesy and shows no imagination.

I’m not even sure if I can remember the last actual date I’ve been on. I’m sure if I search this blog enough I’ll find it but I don’t like dating. I just want to find another human and be like, “Hey I can tolerate you for an extended period of time. Lets cohabitate a couple nights a week or every two weeks. Maybe every couple months take a weekend trip somewhere. Lets have fun and enjoy each other outside of this fucked up world we live in and not stress each other out. Lets have nights where we don’t even talk, but we listen to music or watch a movie at home with the lights out and just cuddle for a while. Let’s be each others escape for just a few hours a week.

We don’t have to announce it to anyone on face-snap-twit-gram so there’s no one to ruin our fun. Let’s just “be” with each other and embrace the time we spend together then go back to our own lives and if, after a couple years, we continue to not annoy each other maybe we can take it further. That’s what I want. I want easy, safe, fun, comfortable, blissful, no expectations, sexy, peaceful and enjoyable. It’s been so long since I’ve had that. I miss that. I do NOT look forward to being in the dating world at all. I’m not looking for someone to complete me but to compliment me. Is that so hard?

With all that being said and the fact that I’m feeling so stagnant in my world lately I’ve been looking for a new place to live. I still want to stay around Houston, I think but I went so far as to look for a small house on or close to the beach or a little closer to the city. I’m looking to be close enough to my clients to drive to them if needed but not close enough to get a text from my boss that says, “Put pants on, be there in five minutes”.

I looked into a small 2 or 3 bedroom house, townhome and condos. Haven’t really found anything I like yet but am actively looking or looking for something different anyway. I’m antsy. It might be the full moon or the retrograding planets or just the fact that I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin. I wonder if this feeling with ever go away?! I thought that writing again would help but it’s not, not really. I mean it’s making me remember things that I’d forgotten but sometimes it makes me lonely. It also could be that I just need sex. It’s times like this I wish that I was someone that could just jump into bed with anyone but that’s not me.

So now I’m officially just rambling. Hopefully I’ll be off to bed soon. Tomorrow is a day that I’ll be manifesting and setting my intentions for the full moon. Lets see if I can conjure up the man of my dreams. Hope you all had a great weekend. xXX

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