My day has been strange. It should have been strange though. Once I tell you why you’ll understand.
About a month ago, my GBF’s mom came to visit. I’d met her once before but only for a brief moment. This time I actually spent a lot of time with her. We had dinner at his house (my GBF), I’d gone to pickup her Great Granddaughter so she could spent time with her, then, the final day I saw my GBF’s mom a few of us took her out for her 77th birthday. There was six of us. My GBF, his sister, his mom, his friend and a co-worker. That co-worker and I have known each other for as long as I’ve known my GBF. In fact, we worked together 22 years ago.
While I wouldn’t say that this lady and I were close friends we were friends and she and I could talk each other’s ears off. In fact, that night, we were. Because we hadn’t seen each other for a few months she and I spoke a lot and we’d decided to help each other through our “keto-journey” since I had a bit more experience with it. I was excited because it meant that we’d get to spend some more time together. We’ll call this lady Y.
So, after the dinner we all went back to my GBF’s home and had cake (I know, not very keto) but while Y and I were eating she looked at me and said, “Girl, 2019 is my year. This is the year I lose weight. This is the year that I find love. This is the year I travel and do things for myself. I will never forget those words she said to me.
A couple days after that birthday dinner she and I had a phone conversation, several emails and some texts all about how we were going to be each others accountability partners and how excited we were. Fast forward a full week after that dinner and Y wasn’t feeling well so my GBF insisted that she go to the Dr. Everyone around her just joked that it was the “Keto-flu”. It seemed to coincide with all those symptoms. Life went on around her while she was attempting to feel better and we were planning our next great carb free recipe. Life was good.
A week ago today, Y passed away, to the shock of everyone around her. Today was her funeral.
Funerals are strange events. People are remembering memories and laughing, crying. There’s children that don’t understand what’s going on around them so they’re acting like children. People bust out in spontaneous cries. You’re meeting different people that you might never have met before and then there’s cake…
I am usually stone when it comes to emotions. Sometimes it’s because I’ve put on 50 coats of mascara and sometimes it’s because of the company that I’m keeping. Sometimes I choose to stay emotionless so that others can have their emotion moments and I can be there for some strength. But today I realized that there were only a couple moments that I’d cried by myself but I did feel this loss. It wasn’t really until we got to the repass after the service and I’d met up with my GBF that I really felt the need to cry. There he was, sitting in his car. I’d handed him the program from the service where he was mentioned and there was a great picture of him and Y in there and he just let go. He also reacted to having any “feelings” like I would have. He pulled his sunglasses down, rolled up his window and said he needed a moment.
THAT’S the part that choked me up. It’s seeing others in a type of pain that I can’t do anything about. His sister and I then walked away, letting him have his moment. To know my GBF is to know that he’s a gentle giant. He’s a large statured man with a heart of gold. He gives until he has nothing left to give and doesn’t receive near as much from those around him. Through all the things I’ve seen him go through he has grace that has surpassed anyone else that I know and I constantly ask him if he’ll teach me his grace and patience knowing those things were never “taught” to him.
I thanked him several times for bringing his mother here for her birthday because if it wasn’t for that event I wouldn’t have gotten to see my friend Y and I wouldn’t have those words that she spoke to me ringing to vibrantly in my head “2019’s my year, girl. Let’s do this.”
Don’t wait. YOU! Reading this right now! DON’T WAIT. Say the things you want and need to say. Do the things you want and need to do. Be the person that you’ve always said you wanted to be. I have learned that death is the anathema to life but with death there is always a lesson. We are all on borrowed time. We are never guaranteed anything. Be kind, be courageous, be the reason that someone smiles, laughs for feels safe. Within everything is a teaching moment. This is mine and I hope that, at least, one other person chooses to use this as a life lesson as well.
My gratitude for today, this week and this month is to have known my friend Y and that my life was, and is better for it. I asked that her family be comforted and that she watch over them. I ask that my GBF find a peace in this and a comfort that he was very special to her and her family.