One thing that I find myself doing, a lot, is seeking and searching for knowledge. My GBF’s sister jokes that if one of us doesn’t know something, “Just wait they’ll look it up”. I do this because I have a thirst for knowledge which is much different in this world than a thirst for gossip. The also do this because I would be an uneducated useless human if I didn’t.
So back in school, I was horrific. Let me explain. I loved school up until High School and once that hit I found modeling which led to drugs which led to musicians which led to so much fun. I am inherently smart. On my standardized testing I always scored in the top 5% of the country. My IQ is technically “genius” but that’s just a number. All that means is that I can retain what someone else has asked me to.
To me, being intelligent is about the ability to research and make your own conclusion about things, ideas and people that have not been ingrained from years of scholastic repetition. Intelligence is the ability to, not always agree with someone’s ideas but to, find some sort of reasoning as to why things MIGHT be different and at the very least to listen to someone else’s idea.
My first real test of this was religion. I was raised until I was five going to church with my Grandmother. My father is an agnostic and my brother is an atheist. My mother, I believe, believe’s in a higher being but doesn’t really think much about it. Basically, I grew up being the family that allowed “grace” to happen as a preamble of a meal and waited to politely say “amen” but mostly, uncomfortably, doing it out of respect.
Years ago, my real truth expedition began. I read a lot about all kinds of religion. I even read the bible. I had many conversations with people from the Christian Church, Buddhist, Muslims, Shamans, Wiccans all the way through atheists. I wanted to know where their belief system came from. The majority of people inherited their religion and never found a reason to question it. Then were the people that basically chose an entirely different path BECAUSE the one that they’d inherit didn’t fit their lifestyle.
Now, doing my research I started in the Church of England personally but not by choice. I was too young to decide. Years later, as a teenager I found some solic in the Wiccan religion because of the draw to nature and the female presence. Now, and for some time I’ve been feeling out the Buddhist religion. In all my searching and researching I discovered the one basis of most all religions which is kindness. Let that sink in for a bit. Almost ALL religion states that one must live a kind life and be kind to others. So that is my first commandment, if you will.
The other issue is that I found a lot of religions to cast out people that didn’t fit a certain mold. I have a lot of gay friends and just because I am not one doesn’t mean that it’s ok for me to abide by any scripture that states anyone should be cast out for loving someone different than what they decided the “normal” would be. In the same breath some scripture states to not judge anyone else except that’s exactly what is done by casting out one type of person.
At the end of the day though, I believe just like in relationships, that religion is not a cookie cut type of situation. Things, people, technology all evolves but the one thing that doesn’t seem to evolve is religion. Why not? It should be used as a buffet that allows you to learn about each culture, meaning and ritual that each religion has and address to your own life accordingly.
That’s why I say I am spiritual. I believe in the sun and the moon. I worship nature. I try to treat everyone kind and equal. Isn’t that what life’s about? It’s about learning, educating and accepting those things that are not breed in you or jaded unto you by your parents, surroundings, or even school.
While I understand why a lot of people have chosen to believe in the higher power as he is set in stone in their cookie cutter religion, I also believe that in this world that we’ve created we’ve made the most easily accessible society the most lonely. We are more connected today than we’ve ever been before yet more and more people feel alone and disconnected from themselves, their families and the world. We can order a steak dinner to be delivered in 30 minutes but we can’t seem to be able to pick up the phone and talk to someone.
In that world described above I understand that some people choose to believe that the higher power is up there with open arms to embrace them at a moments notice. They feel less alone and always taken care of. I’m not saying that I don’t believe because there are times that I’ve cried to a higher power to take away my pain and suffering. I’ve blessed people that I didn’t know going through a hard time. I’ve thanked a higher power for getting me through something. There is a comfort in this. But I can not unequivocally say one way or another whether this is a fictitious image or whether it’s real. Truth is, I just don’t know. But I will always try to find ways to educate myself in all things because you can’t fight for something if you don’t know why you’re fighting for something.
I recently had a conversation with someone that had entirely different thoughts than I’ve had. He has different versions of what I’ve been taught to believe. His entire mindset seems like the opposite end of the spectrum. After he was done talking he’d asked if I, now, thought he was crazy. I replied, “No, I think you’re fascinating. I might not agree with everything you say BUT I will always listen.”. Since then I keep thinking of these things he’s said and done some research about this realized even more than no one should just be complacent to what they’ve been taught. Always keep an open mind and heart.
But, if you believe in nothing else, believe than kindness to all is never a bad idea. Even if you go back to the thoughts, or ideas that you’ve always had to believe in you’ve made an educated decision to do so. Believe in your convictions not because you have been told to but because you know, unequivocally that they are the truth that you’ve seeked.
Just my words tonight… Be kind. xXx