Here are the things that I know today:
I know that I can’t wait for it to get cold and I’ve still never had a fire in my fireplace… Maybe this year.
I know that this is a new month and I’m starting over… Again.
I know that this holiday season will be different because I will make it different as in better.
I know that I miss a home cooked meal, as I stare at the pizza box that was ordered for tonight.
I know that in over a decade of living in this place I’ve never had any issues with insects and now I have damn ants… Does anyone know how the hell to get rid of these suckers? The maintenance guy says they’re coming from upstairs.
I know that I’m not missing the guy I’m supposed to be missing right now but I’ll never tell him that.
I know that my horoscope for November is enticing me to believe in things that are not so possible right now.
I know that it’s been way too long since I’ve looked forward to something great.
I know that my parents, who just got iPhones for the first time ever are driving me crazy. They think the call button is the send message button… I’m not kidding.
I know that it’s been way too long since I’ve found something that holds my attention longer than about five minutes.
I know that after the week I’ve already had I deserve a home cooked meal, a hot bath and a foot rub but I’d settle for just a glass of wine right now.
I know that when I came outside today and it was raining I was smiling because apparently, I’m only happy when it rains.
I know that tomorrow night is my night in this week and I don’t plan on doing a thing except taking that long hot bath and maybe the glass of wine.
I know that I have spent way too many nights in my routine and my comfort zone and I’m ready to escape if only for a moment.
I know that some questions will never be answered and some problems will never be solved. As much as that saddens me, it’s just time to realize that.
I realize that every single day that goes by I want a new puppy more and more and I’m so inclined to just go get one but I know that I need help with it and it will make me miss my old dog. His name was Cosmo, after the drink and he hated clothes except his soccer hoodie which he’s actually bring to me.
I realize that working with only men has made me pretty immune to the disgusting things they do. I don’t feel it’s ever appropriate to do any business with the door open unless you’re married and even then it’s a slippery slope.
I know that I ordered workout equipment to be sent to work today so that the next time I want to throat punch a co-worker I’ll have another outlet instead.
I know that it’s been a couple weeks full of fun, friends and good times but I can’t stop thinking about the one really broken thing in my life and wondering why it’s not so easy to just throw it away.
I know that another promise was broken but it matters less to me than the actually ship that’s broken. But I also know that that is a huge part of why it is.
I know that I have a dry erase picture frame that I like to write things that make me feel something and I’ve not been able to come up with anything for it lately.
I know that I need to take a road trip somewhere soon. I’m feeling antsy.
I know that my dreams could not be any stranger than they are right now. Not nightmares but they are trying to tell me really weird things.
I know that I need different people in my life. I need ones that hold me up not down. I need ones that praise me and not ruin me. I need kindness. I need ones that aren’t afraid. I need different.