Happy Halloween… with my rambling.

First, Happy Halloween. There was no party tonight only dinner out with friends. Halloween on a Monday kinda stinks. Not sure I would have been in the partying mood anyway. I think I’ve just had some sort of emotional hungover kind of day.

Luckily, I was the only one at work so I came and went as I pleased while listen to my music very loud. I feel like there was an appropriate mix of Rage Against the Machine and Social Distortion that I got to listen out my anger a bit. Music is my saving grace and my happy place. That’s probably why I’m not sure I want to make the new guy part of that just yet.

But speaking of the new guy, since I was at work alone today we talked on the phone for a while. He’s still in California and his stay just got extended for another week because of some crisis as his company. He told me all about it but my attention span was about 15 seconds which is longer than usual but not long enough to actually retain what he’d said.

I feel like the moment I said, in my head, “Okay, lets do this thing” with the new guy something happens so that we can’t get there. It would be different if there was another option and then the signs would make sense but there’s not so I don’t really know what’s going on here. I think I might have just found out that he doesn’t really want kids. It’s possible that if that is the case then it might not be a deal breaker but really?

This is what fate does to me… Give me a sexy, nice, smart guy with a hairless chest but he doesn’t want kids. Or give me someone that I can truly love completely and he doesn’t love me at all… You can understand why I get angry a lot about fate or at fate. Or I find a guy who likes kids but doesn’t really enjoy music. I really can’t win EVER! So, instead of a boyfriend, a kid or a dog… Right now I have a tiny little plant named blue.

So basically from this point on forward for the next two months it’s “holiday season”. I’m not so much a grinch as I am someone who just thinks that the whole point of the season is lost now. Not to mention that it’s usually done best with big families and I don’t have that.

I remember growing up I always wanted a big family that I could spend the holidays with but it was always just four of us. As we grew older it became the four of us and my brother and my closest friends. So I don’t have any family close to me, well 2 hour drive I guess is close but when our holiday comes it’s usually my drive to someone’s house to stay as little as I possibly can so I can be back home with my friends. Truth is it sucks that everyone’s coupled. So I just feel like I should be sitting at the kids table. It sucks to be single during the holidays…

I guess that’s my point which is another reason why I’m not so keen on starting something with the new guy. I’ve only ever asked one person if they’d like to come with me during my holiday chaos and that was… wait for it… THE friend and of course he said no but I was asking as a friend and nothing more. As I said our family’s holidays have always had our friends included and my brother likes him. He thinks he’s a good guy and wanted to hang out with him. What stupid ideas I have.

Well, I’ve got a little bit of time left for some cardio and then I’m off to bed. I’m going to leave you with my favorite Halloween song though… Enjoy.

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