Making plans and smashing them all at once…

You know how I feel about scheduled fun. It’s usually not that fun. So over the last couple days I had plans but by the time I really thought about them I didn’t want to do any of them. My mood is probably better than it should be though and I’m not sure why. Truth is right now I’m looking forward to some cooler weather because it’ll give me a chance to one with a blanket on my couch. Heat up some crock pot chili or something and not really expect much out of life.

Do I think that’s how life will go this weekend? I have no idea but I’d be happy if it did. Meeting someone new is great. I like the “getting to know you” stuff. I like the excitement of everything but it’s also exhausting. There’s something to be said about relationships that you don’t have to think much about but they just happen and you know each other and your comfortable. I’m not complaining, just stating a fact that seems to ring true right now.

I actually do have stuff that I actually do need to do but none of that seems really appealing right now. I don’t really have the energy to get all painted and pretty to see the new guy but that doesn’t mean that his appeal is any less. I just want a few carefree few days of not trying to impress someone else. Does that make sense?

My BFF and I got to chat a little bit more than normal tonight which hasn’t happened in a while. It was mainly about work and family. She doesn’t know about the new guy yet because, as you all know, I like to keep my relationships secret until they serious. Like walking down the isle serious. She doesn’t think that’s right but she also knows that I probably won’t change much about that. It’s only life right?

I guess I’m in a happy funk, if that makes sense. I’m not entirely sad but I’m not perfectly happy. Maybe waiting for the other shoe to drop, as they say. Works been crazy. I miss the days when I was just an office assistant when I was 17 or so. Course even then I did way more than my job title suggested and now that I own a bit of something it’s an entirely different ball game.

I’m kind of all over the place tonight and I know that. I just can’t seem to think in a straight line right now or get a decent nights sleep. The other day my GBF’s sister tried to help me out by giving me something to help me sleep. I took it and the next thing I knew I’d woken up at 2 pm the next day. Whoops but I made a crap-load of money for the company the day before so I didn’t feel that bad about it. I’d even missed a phone call from one of our investors who’s wanted to do business with me on my non-profit idea but just haven’t found the energy to call him back.

This is probably the time in my life that I need a life coach. I need someone to tell me to wake up early, exercise, get to work, go home, exercise more, eat dinner, take a long hot bath, go to bed early… But no. I have no little voices inside my head telling me what to do. That could either be a good thing for a bad thing. I’m not sure which is better right now.

Is it weird that I actually want someone to tell me what to do? I mean I’ve never really had that so I guess I’m craving that in some weird way. I guess I can understand that logic. So maybe if I write it then it shall happen… That seems to be the way things are going these days. We shall see.

That’s all I got for now. I thought if I wrote out something tonight I’d be more inclined to sleep but I have a feeling that might not work like that. I think I might actually be a bit sadder than when I started this. And this is why I don’t share things with friends much, because I sound like a crazy person.

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