I’ve talked about this before but there’s things that people do when no one is around, when no one is looking. Some eat the ice cream by the pint right out of the box, some stair at their pores for hours (Sex and The City reference) but what I do I’ve actually told you all about before.
A perfect night of SSB would be no pants, hair in a headband and watching weird stuff on TV. During the summer my TV addiction is Big Brother. I never actually cared about this show but my ex that I work with wouldn’t shut up about it. So now, we watch separately then discuss what happened the next day. If I’m not watching that I’m watching some weird TV shows or movies that I wouldn’t actually admit to anyone like The Girlfriend experience or some other naughty smut 🙂
Tonight, after a bit of shopping, I found myself lounging pantless, watching Big Brother and realizing that sometimes, a few nights a week I actually like the solitude. I like the peace and quiet and I like having control over everything. Of course I could totally feel differently tomorrow but right now I’m enjoying where I am, doing what I’m doing.
One thing I bought today was this dry erase board that I hung in my bedroom to remind me to do things. Add this to the fifty other dry erase boards that have come here to die but this one is different. It’s going to remind me of things that help or will help in the future and double as a vision board. Who knows if I’ll actually keep up on it but worst case scenario then I’ll just write cute little notes to myself or something on it.
You see, I have all these creative ideas then they end up falling flat because I either (A.D.D.) lose interest in them, something shiny passes by or I just don’t “feel it” by the time I think about it. That’s probably the worst part of having a bunch of acronymed ‘things’.
Now, of course, all these things are really just meant to take my mind off work, or relationships or other shit. They all work for a little while but then something will remind me of something and I’ll end up thinking about what I shouldn’t be.
This is probably the reason that I don’t like guys to leave stuff at my place. I don’t like to be reminded of a feelings or a moment. For instance, I keep looking at the flowers that THE friend gave me, then my mind starts to think about things that I shouldn’t be thinking about so I have to mentally slap myself back into reality. Or I’ll hear or read something on the news that either made me sad or depressed me then I have to watch something that will at least take my mind off things for that moment.
None of this is a fool proof plan but it’s what I have to do. Writing about things here help get them out of my head for the moment but then when I go back and read stuff I just keep thinking, “Damn, so maybe you don’t write about that or him so much. Maybe that will help.” So, that’s what I’ve been trying to do for my “July challenge” is to not dwell on things so much, to take all things at face-value and to just move on. I can’t tell you if it’s actually working or not but it’s my plan of attack right now. If anyone knows a better way please let me in on your secret!
So there’s a few moments left in my night before I sleep and I am actually going to follow my own advice and do what I’ve written for myself to do. This should help, at least until I fall asleep and start having weird dreams. Such is my life…