Today has been an exceptionally horrible day. In all ways. My only solace was my tiny little workout that I got in but I am determined to do this every day. It’s a good thing that my challenge this month wasn’t to find a happy thing for today because I could not. Actually that’s not true. A last minute invite to a weekend festival last weekend which I declined actually prompted two tickets to the Voodoo fest in October so I can look forward to that. It’s nice to have friend in the music business, or entertainment or whatever.
I still really haven’t gotten a chance to tell you about my meeting with my Shaman psychic friend. Just that it was more of the same stuff that she told me before all of which came true except for one thing. The BIG thing. She wants to meet up again soon for another “reading” and also to discuss a non-profit idea. That’s also something to look forward too, well the non-profit idea is. But I will just finish up my days post and relax until I, hopefully, pass out.
1. Exercise – Yes, however not high intensity. Maybe in a day or two.
2. Water – yes.
3. Love Yourself Challenge – Write about something that motivates or inspires you: Well, I guess if I didn’t mention THE friend then I’d be lying. He certainly motivates me in many ways that he doesn’t even try to, good ways. He also inspires me to write, get out of my comfort zone and be healthier. I’m sure that’s not reciprocated either but it doesn’t matter. Maybe, one day, he’ll actually articulate what all this was about for him and I’ll finally know that it wasn’t just a pit stop to somewhere, or someone else. That wouldn’t really be fair, for me.
Sadly, that’s the only thing that inspires or motivates me right now. With work as crazy as it is I don’t really have time to do a lot of other things. My ex inspires me to turn my phone on airplane mode a lot but that’s probably not a good thing so I’ll leave things at that right now.
4. 30 Days of Gratitude – What book are you most grateful for? So, my all time favorite book is The Greatest Salesman in the World and it’s not what you think. It’s more about spirituality and humanity. It’s probably the most worn book on my shelf. I am truly grateful for that book and should probably reread it soon.
5. 30 Day Challenge – Write about something that makes you laugh? My niece’s laugh makes me laugh and the blooper real from Friends makes me laugh. All the inside jokes that my BFF have make me laugh which includes every single time the song Pony comes on. THE friend makes me laugh when he does this “Hey, hey, hey” thing but don’t tell him that. He actually makes me laugh more than I probably care to admit when he’s not being cranky or disinterested. Olan Rogers makes me laugh A LOT. If you’ve never watched his youtube you should. Also, John Oliver makes me laugh and it’s a Sunday thing that THE friend and I do so it’s a warm and fuzzy laugh. Providing he didn’t find some other place to see it this week while I was going through some rough shit.
So, that’s my day’s challenge today. I think I say this a lot but I do realize that I write WAY TOO MUCH about someone that doesn’t reciprocate any feelings for me what-so-ever. Sometimes I even reread some of these things and think that I’m a bit too bat-shit-crazy but for me, he’s a big part of my life. I don’t see him as much as I see others but he’s got a big place in my life. There’s been so many “firsts” with him, you don’t even know and even though I would be so content with him being so many lasts in my life too I also realize that these will just become memories one day, that he’ll be gone or I’ll be gone and none of this will amount to anything other than years of future therapy that my future husband will have to pay for. The truth though is that the more I write about it here, the less I act upon and possible do something crazy, stupid or embarrassing.
I’m not sure I’ll ever find a muse that’s worth as many words as he’s been but I am open to finding that person who fills something that he doesn’t want to fill. I’ll just have to get to the psychic on board with that because “moving on” is NOT what she wants to hear and quite honestly it’s NOT what I WANT to do but it’s what I HAVE to do. There is only so much self-induced emotional abuse I can take from myself. I’m sure my quota has been met for a while now.
Hope you’re all having a great week. Is it Friday yet? Couldn’t come fast enough right now.