June Challenge Day 3

1. Exercise – Yes! Even though I came right home and proceeded to take my very long nap, then go shopping, I still made it home in time to do 46 minutes. Sometimes I even surprise myself. In a good way.

2. Water – Yes. Still feeling like I’m swimming but at least I’m getting it in.

3. Love Yourself Challenge – Write about one personality trait that you love about yourself and why: I know that it says “one” but I like a lot about my personality. I’m witty, sarcastic, fun, easy going, caring and quirky. Part of it’s in my sign but mostly I just make things up as I go. I also have this weird trait that allows most people to share things with me that they wouldn’t normally share. I’ve had so many strangers tell me the most intimate things. My secrets vault overflows a lot.

4. 30 Days of Gratitude – What color are you grateful for? Mostly I like blue. It’s my favorite color orchid (obviously). It’s the name of one of my favorite characters from a movie and it’s the color I find most sexy on a man.

5. 30 Day Random Challenge – What’s inside your purse? That’s a scary question. I have lots of lighters, cigarette packs (I’m going to quit I just need the right motivation), pens, stamps, lots of lipsticks, a bottle of water or two, medication… that’s about all I can remember right now but I’m sure there’s much much more.

So, our Friday’s at work are like Monday’s times two. They’re insane in the mornings and tend to taper off a bit but with the rain almost all day I was feeling so lethargic. By the time I got home all I wanted to do was bury myself in my bed and sleep, which I did. But when I woke up hours later I had gotten six texts all asking the question, “Hey what are you doing right now?” My first thought too all of them, coming out of my nap induced coma, was “it’s none of your business eff off”.

I’d decided I’d give myself a few moments to wake up first before replying. Mostly, my replies where, “sorry busy” but the ex had texted and wanted to get together tomorrow. I immediately got this twinge of annoyance. (I know I’m supposed to spend time with him this month) Instead of actually making a plan I said that I was out of town with family. I assumed this give him an explanation that he needed to be scarce for a couple days at least. However, the next text I got was “Can I meet you there?”

In my mind I’m thinking, “Um, WHAT?” So I replied and said no and this back and forth lasted a while longer but it ended when he dropped the “L word”. I quickly shut that conversation down. I’m not sure it’s enough to keep him away for a while but we shall see.

The truth is, part of me is in disbelief that this sweet, sexy, “got it together” guy does have as much love for me as he does AND the fact that he’s not scared to show me or tell me that either is a huge bonus. But it’s a tell tale sign that the moment I see his name pop up on my phone my eyes automatically start to roll. That’s not a good sign. And even though I’ve been completely honest with all my feelings or lack there of but truth is it’s nice to know that someone out there has those feelings whether it be the one I want them from or not.

I like the sexual banter and the flirtation but I know that if there was a good enough reason for me to stop it all completely then I would but until then I just keep avoiding this. I’m not even sure, at this point, if I’m scared of what it COULD lead to or what.

So it’s 2 am and I’m contemplating the dating life, yet again, for an ex that doesn’t give me chills, goose bumps or even make me excited to be around him. He doesn’t offer comfort, safety or passion. What he does offer is predictability, security and possibly the most boring life ever.

I read this article today that when you open up and say you love someone you are also saying that you love their flaws or faults as well. The ex’s flaws or faults annoy me already. There’s nothing to love there. And yet again it leads me back to the fact that I have human A.D.D. and there’s only one person that I love his flaws and faults just as much as him. Well, maybe not AS MUCH as him but I love those things about him too. I’m a lost cause at this point, I think. Oh well… That is my life.

Hope you have a great weekend.

Blue orchid with buds on a black background

Blue orchid with buds on a black background

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