Making Myself Better Challenge… Day 4 and today’s events.

1. No complaining. Think of one good thing that happened.
2. No spending money on unnecessary things
3. Exercise, exercise, exercise. I’ve been so focused on every single day that I’ve changed it to five days a week.
4. Eat healthy five days a week
5. Follow a strict routine during the work week

Today’s outcome:

1. No complaining – I’m not going to give this to myself because my thoughts of today will probably be tied with a few complaints. We’ll see
2. No spending – Check. I do have to get my mom something for mother’s day and her birthday but that’s not really unnecessary.
3. Exercise – Check. I did 42 minutes which is more than yesterday but I think I’m still pushing myself more than I should.
4. Eat healthy – Check. Even, again, with lunch bought for me I chose wisely.
5. Follow a strict routine – half check. I’m taking a point away because I didn’t finish my routine last night which left me without breakfast this morning. Luckily I keep healthy snacks there.

My day started off busy. I mean, the company is going through some drastic changes and there’s so much that I have to do so I am power ready for all those things. I wasn’t ready for the rest of what today threw at me though. My boss came in this morning and was just upset and angry and he’d been bombarded by angry text messages from his girlfriend. You remember? The one I befriended so that I could help both of them out? So he hands me his phone and wants me to read every single text message that was sent back and forth. If you thought that the new Superman movie was long, you’d have almost wished for it after reading every single one of those texts.

By the end of it all though, and I hate to say this, he did nothing wrong. She kind of went batshit crazy on him. So, this lead to three phone calls through out the day from him asking my opinion, several emails, and even more text messages. At one point all I could think was, “You do know that each time I have to respond to you I’m not really focused on my own job right?” But instead I just placated him because he was in serious need of someone to do that for him. Even now, being at home, he’s still asking for my opinion. I appreciate the friendship that he and I have but he is going to drive himself crazy… Pot calling the kettle black there huh?

During all of this I received a request from one of my employees asking for his pay-stubs. I told him that I was just being noisy and he absolutely didn’t have to tell me what they were for but I did ask why. He’d said he was about to get a loan because he and his wife were in some financial difficulties. Pretty typical thing these days except he’s about to be let go. For the sake of business and what I’m “allowed” to say, I hold absolutely no responsibility to advise him of this what-so-ever. But since I’m not entirely a heartless bitch I gave him my opinion without telling him why and asked that the owner talk to him tomorrow before he goes through with it. Legally, I’m not supposed to have said anything but our company really has been a different set of “family” for years now and I am a compassionate person. This was hard for me.

So, in between work being crazy, the boss going through emotional turmoil and the employee about to make a mistake I received a text message from THE friend with some great news. He got this job that could turn out to be something really special. My first reaction was to tell him that I am proud of him but I’m not sure how he’d take that. I am seriously happy for him though. Of course, my mind slowly wandered to a negative space about this. I started thinking things like, “Well, we’re about to see each other a whole lot less now”, “I wonder how far down the list of people he told that I was”  and “I guess he won’t need me for things now”. It even went to, “Well, now there will be a whole new dating pool that just opened up for him and I’m sure I’ll be replaceable”.

Soon after all those thoughts rushed in my head though, I stopped. I literally said in my head, “Stop thinking about everything but what’s happening right now. Right now you are so happy for him and that’s it. All the rest will turn out like it’s supposed to.” And you know what? I stopped. I realize that I don’t have the gift of fortune telling, I don’t know what’s going to happen and it doesn’t matter right now in this very moment. In this very moment I am proud of him and it was a highlight to my day.

The lowest point, however, was when I realized that I couldn’t drive to see my family this weekend and that I would have to text my brother and let him know. Why is that stressful? Well, seeing my family is stressful first-off. They have no plans. They make no plans what-so-ever and half the time, even when I say I’ll be arriving at a certain time, they’re not there. But also it would have been a 24 hour trip which most of that time would be spent in a car driving there or sleeping. Anyway, I just realized that with all this stuff I’ve had to do lately and how stressed everything is right now I can’t do that to myself as well.

There’s also another part of this too. My parents come to my town once a month for doctors visits for my dad. I have not seen them since December. They don’t let me know they’re in town. We don’t communicate and I’m not sure that I feel the need to stress myself out when the return has not been done for me. I suppose that’s a bit spiteful and I realize that I should be more mature than that but with all that piled on of everything else, I just made the best decision for me. I’ve said this more than once, my friends are my family and there’s a saying out there that goes, “Friends are God’s apology for family”. I’ve been able to make a great family through the years and I’m happy with that.

So, there’s a ton of work to be done after I finish this post up and once I put on my spectacles I will check out of all other issues in my life or that’s around me and just focus on the task at hand. I can’t wait for some breathing room this weekend. What I’d like to do is just sit in a pool for hours until I get prune like and not think about a thing for a day or two. That really sounds like a plan so far.

Now, off to work.


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