Making myself better challenge… Day 29 (Monday)

1. Good thing about today – Hanging with THE friend. Everything about it and him. Still the same as yesterday 🙂

2. Spending – Nothing.

3. Exercise – Not even a little bit.

4.  Eating health – Not really.

5.  Routine – Only half my routine.

 

This has been a strange long weekend. And because I’m not too good at writing every day there’s probably things I’ll forget or write about later. The truth is plans on Friday and Saturday changed so many times it was crazy. By the time that Sunday came around I was going a bit stir-crazy.

I’d woken up Sunday, painted my face and drove to start my errands. After a few hours being out I went down a street close to my home and it was closed off. There were police cars, helicopters and chaos everywhere. I’d texted my boss because we share a zip code and he’d said that there was shooting. Come to find out later it was a bit more scary than just a shooting.

If you watch the news or have internet access these days you’ll probably have read about it. And while many people are going to blame Texas’s open carry law, I don’t. While I don’t think it’s a good idea, I actually blame this country’s lack of assistance with Veterans. This was a Veteran with PTSD. His actions are NOT excusable but it is a testament to the lack of support that our soldiers receive.

This was a huge topic of texting conversation Sunday  and Monday. While first receiving the obligatory, “Hey you ok? I heard about your neighborhood” texts from people then they would share their two cents worth as to who, what, why, where, how… That’s the part that usually drives people crazy after a tragedy though. It’s the why? Hopefully, with the why will come some sort of semblance of a solution to these far too many situations.

After that happened I’d felt a bit anxious and not because I was truly scared but because I’ve drive that exact path every day. I’d driven that path moments after. Bystanders were shot or killed and that could have been anyone. That could have been me. But in my normal fashion I just pushed my feelings away and focused on the task at hand. By the time THE friend had finally shown up I was ignoring my emotions by chatting on the phone but felt such a sense of relief the moment he walked in the door. He’s a bit like my Xanax. Just don’t tell him that I said that.

So, after a really nice dinner that he prepared in his meticulous way we sat and watched our shows. But, just before Game of Thrones he did something that shocked the crap out of me. He gave me a gift. A perfect, amazing gift. He’d spent time, put thought into it and it was… perfect. That moment might have been one of the top 10 best moments for me.

After that we just had a nice evening, and a very relaxing nice Monday. It’s nice to spend the day with him just joking and smiling stupidly at each other for no reason. On our good days, I realize that we get each other. We are comfortable with each other. We understand and get passed each others flaws. We still have some issues that need to work out on their own at some point but we are the perfect couple. Except we’re not a couple. Oh and we’re not intimate… which drives me crazy a bit but apparently I’m used to that at this point. Which I wish I wasn’t used to it. At least I can go let out some of my sexual tension during lunch at the gym.

I have a lot more to write, however, work is actually calling my name right now. Hopefully I’ll write about my day today and prepare for my June challenge. Hope you all had a great weekend.

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Three day flooded weekend. 

It seems as though my three day weekend plans are getting flooded out by the minute. I’m all about SOME rain but this shit is crazy. At least I am home early in my three day break though. 

This weeks been strange both work and personal. When I get all my thoughts together about things I’ll write more but there is certainly change in the air. What a difference a day makes. Depending on what I decide this blog might start to be a whole lot different. 

Until then though you’ll just have to bare with my May challenge which is almost over so then on to my June challenge. It’s time a movie and a nap before I decide anything else though. 

Hope you have a great weekend. 

Making myself better challenge… Day 24 (Wednesday)

1. One good thing: My workout tonight was the best part of my day.

2. Spending: No spending on useless things today.

3. Exercise: Yes, at an hour and 1 minute and you bet you ass I’m going to count that 1 minute.

4. Eat healthy: Yes.

5. Routine: Yes. This is a preemptive yes right now.

I’m already thinking of my next “Challenge” for June. I’m thinking of maybe volunteering somewhere new, taking a new class or doing one thing that I’ve never done before. I’m not sure yet. If you have any ideas please send them to me. I’ll probably keep the healthy stuff around but I’ve been able to accumulate some extra cash and therefore want to focus on something fun.

Maybe finding something enjoyable is what I need to distract me from the things that aren’t going to right in my life. You remember my five pillars of life? Family, finance, friends, career and love. Well lets take some stock… Family is mediocre. Finance is good. Friends are great. Career is good. Love is non-existent. 😦 It doesn’t have to be but it is.

I could, like so many others get back on Tinder but I really only used it to pass the time. I’d get these guys that were just into hooking up and I’d practice my dirty talk then when they got too stalker-ish I’d block them. It was entertaining for about five minutes but it’s a desperation app for the classless people, in my opinion.

Meh, instead I will just continue to focus on myself and offer to everyone else great dating or relationships advice because, well, I don’t need it. Yes, I’m sounding a bit negative about the situation and it’s mainly just because I’m exhausted. Wondering what I should do, how I should be, who should I be with. I should just stop looking or caring but that seems impossible at times. I just don’t want it to be so exhausting anymore. That’s all.

This whole time I’ve been texting with my BFF some really great advice. I guess those who don’t date teach right? It’s not that I can’t date it’s that it’s just not that appealing to go out and find someone new who I don’t feel an automatic connection too and waste their time. So my options at this very moment are, date the ex, date a new guy, bitch and moan because the only one I WANT to be with is too interested in flirting with the rest of the city or just do me for a while and say screw everyone else? Right now, my BFF and I are talking about moving to another country because neither of us really have a reason to stay here. Maybe it is time for a total change of everything. I’m keeping that thought in the back of my mind to use when I really need it which feels like it might come very soon.

I haven’t really had a bad day but it has been very thought provoking. Maybe it’s time to consult the stars again… Just kidding they have lied so much to me about what my future is supposed to hold that it’s become a joke. I think I’m gonna go for another walk now to clear my head, maybe wish upon a star and get lost in some music instead of my own thoughts.

Nite x

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