Yep, still feels like crap. Forgotten again. I wish I didn’t give a shit any more. I’m officially giving up my Wednesday night to some other girl. Maybe that girl won’t be forgotten. I honestly don’t remember doing anything in my past that would equate to this sort of punishment.
No one forgets plans this much with someone that they actually want to spend time with. That’s the final answer. No lifeline needed. How is it possible to ask someone for a favor, they do that favor and you still treat them like yesterdays newspaper. I guess it’s a good thing that the weather is matching my mood right now. Baring some natural disaster that stopped all communication, notifications and just plain being respectful I honestly can’t keep doing this to myself.
I’ve learned a long time ago that the feelings are no where close to mine, not even on the same planet but to not even be nice enough to be considerate to a friend is shitty. There I go feeling shitty again. No one needs to tell me that this isn’t fair. I am very aware of that. I really thought this time was going to be different though. There I go being wrong again. I sincerely hope that he doesn’t treat anyone else like this.
This makes me want to throw the “favor” away so it’s in the same place his respect for me is. I hate this feeling. Today was a good day until now. I was hoping it would have been a fun night as well. Apparently, my expectations weren’t low enough. I really didn’t think he’d do this to me twice. I’m so tired of this.
Tomorrow will be a better day. After today things feel different. Maybe that was all in the grand scheme of things. Maybe that was supposed to be this way. Eventually, I won’t care at all. I miss those days of me not caring at all. Hope he has a nice night with whoever doing whatever was more important. I’m sick of this effing shit. Tomorrow’s the day I’m no longer a masochist. My head is screaming that I’m an effing idiot to keep doing this to myself.
Maybe I’ll write later but for now those are my feelings that I had to get out… I hate emotions.