Mood Music… And Another Discussion About Expectations.

I flip flop about the way I listen to music. Some days I let my iTunes library be my guide, other days I like to listen to the mood playlists on Spotify. I usually don’t agree with their playlists but it gives me the opportunity to listen to new stuff or stuff I’ve missed.

Today, I was thinking about my mood music and what I listen to when I’m “moody” so here’s what I came up with:

Angry: Pennywise, Distrubred, Korn, Nine Inch Nails.

Sad: Tim McGraw’s Don’t Take The Girl (that’s my go to cry song if I feel like I need to cry), Blue October.

Spiritual: Plumb, Enation.

Sexy: The Golden Palominos, Poe, The Weeknd, Fiona Apple, Heather Nova.

Happy: Bastille, The Lumineers, Of Monsters and Men, Ellie Goulding.

On sunny afternoon drive: Ray LaMontagne, Leonard Cohen, Hozier.

When I feel like I wanna dance: Marc Anthony, Sia.

When it’s a rainy day: Jessie Ware, David Grey, Nina Simone, or any jazz.

When I want to dream: Instrumental or Lindsey Stirling.

Of course this list changes by the day according to the mood I have already verses the mood I want to be in. That’s one expectation that’s always met. Music has the ability to change my mood in a heartbeat.

Expectations are a funny thing. What’s the saying, “Hope for the best and expect the worst?!” Blah horrible yet true phrase. The thing is, I’m not sure that my expectations are that high to begin with.

These are the things in life that I expect…
When I get an amazing blowout I expect it to rain soon.
I expect my GBF to always send me a “Good morning” text with some cute meme.
I can always count on not hearing back from my brother for about three days after I text him.
I know that my boss will always be late, except on Fridays when I have his check ready.
I expect to never have feelings as deeply as I do for THE friend for anyone else.
I expect those feelings to never be reciprocated.
I expect that I will always get tired of my natural hair color and always go back to blonde.
I expect that almost all calls after midnight are usually either booty calls or bad news.
I expect that the feeling of running away will come soon, again.
I expect that the dishes in my sink will stay there until I either don’t have any dishes left to use or I get seriously bored one day.

Those are the things that I can usually count on in life. No surprises there. However, while chatting with my GBF earlier we were joking about finding “husbands” somewhere. He said that I need to lower my expectations. This I won’t do. First, because I tried and it didn’t work and second what the hell is wrong with having an expectation that I want to date someone who I feel connected with. Since when was that a bad idea?

To some girls, settling means that they find a guy less attractive or with less money or with a lessor job than they planned. To me, settling is to find someone that I don’t connect with. It’s that simple. I don’t have strong connections to many people. I have a crapload of friends or acquaintances but few strong connections. These are the people that I’d spend my last dime on, ones that I’d let live in my space, ones that I give more of myself to than I’ve done with anyone else. These people are the ones that know my secrets, almost all my secrets.

So, no. I’m not going to settle in that area. I guess if that means it’s just me, my BFF and a lot of dogs when we grow old and are pulling our insignificant social security check at the end of the month then so be it. I suppose I should start expecting that as well then.

Things aren’t always as simple as changing a mindset. Some days maybe I wish things were that easy. I’d do the whole “Poof” and now I actually want to marry any one of the last few guys that have asked. But no, I’m stuck in a perpetual cycle of expectations that are so low in my daily life that there’s not much room for error.

I think this solar eclipse (singing Total Eclipse of the Heart each time I say that) has me feeling strange. A bit anxious, maybe a little sad and something that I’m not quite sure of. I’m sure that the horror movie I just watched didn’t really help that mood much. It’s now time for a run I guess and then bed I guess. I’ll just go about my expected routine tonight.

Hope you’re having a great week. What’s your mood music?

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