And The Award Goes To…

Yep, I watched the Oscars and as I said the other night this will be the year that I’ve watched a lot of the movies that had been nominated. I was happy about that although there’s a few others that I want to see now. Ah, the movies. Life’s little pleasure that takes us out of our own life for just a moment and makes us become voyeurs to another. Sometimes these other lives are better and sometimes not.

That was also a “million dollar question”. What movie would you want to be in instead of your own life? I’m sure my answer back then was probably some Zalman King movie and catch me on a good day and it still would be but as far as a regular movie? I have no idea. I think, right now I’m stuck in between ‘Just Friends’ and the ‘Sweetest Thing’.

Now, speaking of ‘Just Friends’, I watched the award show with THE Friend and shockingly, don’t really have much to complain about. In fact, it reminded me a bit of the times that I’d been missing with the fun and playfulness. He even stayed over but not in that way. He slept on the couch which would not have been my first choice but it’s the only choice in his mind I suppose. If we can stay that way, not get into any ruts, big arguments and he can just be a bit less obvious with his blatant attempts to keep us in the friend-zone forever then I’ll be fine. I’ve always said that I know what we are, well, as far as “that” is concerned.

I liked the fact that while I was sleeping he was going about his morning very comfortably. I like that he feels that he can call this a second home if needed and I won’t even harp on the not picking up after himself. Truth is, I don’t actually mind that much as it’s kind of training for when I actually live with someone.

See, that’s a difference between he and I. He’s lived with a crapload of people, dating or roommates but I haven’t. My space is sacred and has always been until him. I like that I can come home, take my pants off before the front door is shut, kick off my shoes wherever I want and don’t have to make excuses for a mess or unclean dishes or whatever. I’m sure he’s taken sanctuary in many different homes with many different people but I’m good that this is new to me. See, he’s my first there…

I did wake in the middle of the morning sometimes in excruciating pain and reached for a pain pill that was left on my bedside table as a foreshadowing. Then, I seemed to have passed out again and woke sometime late morning. I made my coffee, ate a bowl of granola and worked from home for a bit. But in the interim of my pill coma I seem to remember having a dream about something strange. THE friend and I were camping and we were sitting around this camp fire and he was just talking about his life and I was so ensconced in his stories, his words that I didn’t realize that we were surrounded by shooting stars. It was just the two of us, with his words and shooting stars… WTH does that mean?

That is one thing that I like. I like listening to him when he talks about his family, or history or things he knows. Unfortunately, this communication is always salted with mean comments or shitty things he says but once I get past those things I actually hear not just listen to him. Most of the conversations I have with people are me staring at them intently while making a list of groceries to buy in my head. I’ve learned the subtle art of “Oh Wow!” or “Oh, my God!” intricately placed within someone’s sentences to give the appearance of my attention being paid to them. I suppose that sounds bad but I’ve already said that I don’t have much of an attention span so there’s that.

I know I said that I wouldn’t talk much about him anymore but I feel like I need to paint a better picture than the one I’ve given already and that means touching on the good points of him too. Some days those overwhelm the bad points and on those days I’m happy about our “ship”. He’s strangely been “my first” for a lot of things so he’s important. I do worry that we’ll grow into a rut and I still worry that he’ll take this for granted again and worst of all I’ll worry that he’ll find another, or better second home but until then I can still enjoy him, in (sadly) a none sexual way 🙂

Lastly, on another good note, even though I felt like roadkill today I still got my run in and my exercise. In the past, it’s been easy for me to neglect my exercise and fall off the wagon because I didn’t feel well. That’s how I know this is sticking this time because I need it for my sanity and because it helps in all things. I think I’ll amp things up tomorrow by adding something else.

In closing, I suppose the award goes to THE friend last night. Maybe that’s what he was saying in my dream. Maybe it was his acceptance speech 🙂 or maybe it was my subconscious just having him say nice things to me for an hour. Who the hell knows.

Hope you are all having a great week so far.

dreams-orlando-espinosa

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