My weekend was good, for the most part. I’m looking on the bright side of things. This doesn’t mean that I can’t acknowledge the things that went wrong it just means that I choose to still see it as a good weekend with things to work on or just to get off my chest.
Friday was spa day, which I needed so bad. Mani, Pedi and massage. The owner of the spa is a client so he tries to shove champagne down my throat when I go in there to no avail. Pretty sure he only does that so I’ll tip well but I do anyway so that is just a waste. After that was dinner with friends which was nice; however, one of the friends I was with was having a remembrance day. It had been five years to the day that her daughter had been murdered. I’m not even sure I knew what to say half the time but we were able to enjoy the evening anyway.
Saturday was a bit slow until an appointment around 3 and then to a movie, dinner and grocery shopping for Super Bowl Sunday. The movie was better than expected. The dinner was good. The shopping was a bit boring but it’s grocery shopping. I guess nothing has to be fun all the time. After that I came home and watch The Martian till almost 4 am while texting with my ex. I’m not even sure why I keep doing that but I’m sure some of it has to do with the fact that he’s interested so I indulge. I still think he’s crazy though.
Last, there was today. Bland day with some exercise thrown in then to THE friends for dinner and football. The food was great. He’d meticulously planned out the menu from appetizer to drinks and everything in between. There’s not a whole lot of men out there that pay attention to detail like that. It’s a nice quality. But with all the cooking, mixing and planning I felt like I watched the game by myself most of the time and then when he finally had a chance to sit down and relax, he was on his phone the whole time.
He’d asked me to stay and watch a movie after the game but if I’d felt that I was slightly more entertaining that facebook I might have. Not to mention the fact that if someone tells you to “eff off” because you’re leaving while having their face in their phone it just doesn’t come off right. But we’ve had that conversation many times before so instead of getting pissy I just said my good nights and left. There’s no use in beating a dead social media. I get tired of hearing myself talk or complain about the same things and I get tired of those things making me feel like my company isn’t enough.
We’re supposed to have “Sundays” as our day to do something but I’m sure that he’ll bail out of next Sunday since it’s Valentine’s Day and he wouldn’t want me to get the wrong idea. However, it’s just another day to me. So, with that being said I’m not too sure when we’ll see each other again. I have a feeling that our current 2-3 times a week won’t last for much longer.
Blah, I’m so over caring or wondering why “I’m not good enough”. It sucks. I wish it didn’t bother me. I wish none of it bothered me. I also wish that THE friend could be duplicated into someone that was interested because then I’d be done with this whole stupid waiting shit. I’d let all the current “interested parties” go away and I’d finally be happy.
Could someone somewhere explain to me why I still care about any of this? I don’t know what to do anymore…. :-\ I suppose it doesn’t really matter what I want anymore anyway. The universe is apparently angry at me for something. I WAS going to have a drink with someone tonight whom I know wants to converse with me but now I’m just a bit sad and tired so it’s off to bed, sometime soon.
I still had a good weekend and I realize that most of my emotions stem from not getting something that I need from someone who has no responsibility to give it to me so I’m not mad with him, more at myself. This shall, hopefully, be something that sleeping and dreaming will cure.
Off to bed. Hope you all had a nice weekend. My week is about to get serious. I have three gym classes to go to. I’m on full paleo detox all week as well. I’m going to get effing healthy this year. Maybe I’ll train for when I’m truly ready to run away from everything.
Hope you all have a great week.