My BFF used to just drive around and have these weird, crazy chats about stuff and we’d always finalize the drive by saying something like, “I’m so glad there’s no hidden cameras in here”. I thought about that today, as I was driving doing errands. I thought that it was a really bad idea if anyone was to hear some of the things I say inside my head.
We all do that, right? We all say some crazy stuff to ourselves. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad but most of my conversations are of me arguing with myself. Ok, now that makes me sound a bit insane but it seems to work.
I also learned in therapy that if a negative thought or image comes in your mind then you should try to imagine yourself “blowing it away”. I use a double barrel shotgun to chase my negative thoughts away but they always seem to come back. It’s a trick I was taught to use during meditation but that always seemed counter-productive to me. If I’m supposed to be sitting quietly and having happy thoughts why am I blowing crap away?
And these are the things I write about after having a shitty week. It’s tax season. Working is killing me, slowly and I’ve been having issues with other things. The “other things” are the most important that I need to work out but I’ve broken my pattern about asking the stars for help, especially since they always pointed me in the wrong direction. This time, I actually am trying to be an adult.
The one thing that’s been helping me the most is the comical situations that I share with m ex at work. I constantly look at him and wonder why we ever dated but we have become good friends and can read each other pretty well. He talks me down from the ledge when I’m about to snap and I put him in his place when it’s needed. I guess that relationship taught me that you can share some sort of friendly connection to someone and still think they’re stupid or wonder why you ever got together in the first place.
I like that that relationship taught me something. I think they all do. Some, you see how strong it is and some you see how weak it is. Either way, there’s a lessen in there somewhere. I struggle to find it sometimes but I working on that too. There’s a lot I need to work on but I think my anger is finally subsiding. I guess it does help to get things out.
Hope you’re having a great week.