Last night I had a dream. I was sitting on the floor next to a fireplace and I was wrapping my In-laws gifts. My other half was sitting on the couch halfway watching TV and we were making jokes, laughing and sharing stories of our past Christmases. This is weird to me because I’ve never done that with any man I’ve dated. I, kind of, made it a point to check out a few days before the holidays so I wouldn’t have to deal with the holiday as a couple. Ironic, since this years it’s all that’s been on my mind.
I spent the evening packing, cleaning up a bit and doing a mental inventory of what I needed to remember tomorrow. I was taking care to wrap my skin care and makeup so it doesn’t leak everywhere and being bombarded with texts. Everyone with the question, “Hey, what are you doing? Do you have time to get together?” I guess I needed some alone time. But I’ll have plenty to do when I get back.
I’ve been inundated with “peaceful and meditative” gifts. Lots of art items, coloring books & pencils, essential oils and a diffuser, book and other things. In theory, when I get back, I have all the elements to be a zen master. We shall see. I’ve got the board games, the Christmas coffee cake and a few surprise items that I ONLY have because I will be entertaining my niece. That, I am happy about.
I realized that this will be the first year in a couple that I won’t have a surprise guest at my home upon my return. I kind of thought that might have become some sort of a tradition. I suppose that wish has expired. I wish I could say that something more substantial and more meaningful has replaced that but it has not. This is the time of year to make amends, to be thankful or to right the wrongs but all I can do is just state that I miss what I’ve had for the last two years and it’s hard to not have it this year. Again, this must be where “Everything happens, happens for a reason”. Sometimes I want to throat-punch the person who came up with that phrase, other times I just nod my head and say, “Yep, of course it does”.
I will say that I am still in the holiday spirit, even though it might not sound like it. I have my Snoopy and Elf Christmas shirts packed with my red chuck all stars. I have all things ready to be moved into my car and hopefully a decent start off in the morning. Before I leave though I wanted to say Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to you all. I wanted to thank you for reading these weird, boring, sometimes comical parts of my life.
I hope that you are all surrounded by loved ones, happy and content. Be grateful for what you have, right now, today. One day it might not be there and you’ll wish it was taken care of better. Hugs to you all (and I’m not even a hugger). More later. Good night.