Missing things and feeling like a kid…

My neighbors that just moved in next door are so cute. They argue like siblings but they are obviously completely in love with each other. Their relationship makes me miss that type of relationships. The one where you can argue, wrestle, scream and then laugh and hug and kiss. It’s been way too long since I’ve had a fun, bonding relationship like that. That makes me miss it way too much. They are enviably too cute. I can almost not remember the days when I had fun like that. Most of the men I’ve been around and dated just wouldn’t understand that type of “thing”. Obviously I’ve spent too much time with the wrong ones.

I’ve put myself on a sabbatical again to try to get away from the negative crap and that comes from others. The men and their need to dominate in all things and chase dreams of money and power is just something I’m not into and find so terribly unappealing. If I have to have another dinner with someone talking about their stocks and 3rd quarter earnings I’m going to just go throat punch them all. I’m also so tired of trying to have a discussion about good music and then they bring up something so mainstream you assume that the first song that plays on their music playlist is Adele’s Hello. It’s a great song but come on people there’s so much more music out there and if I hear that song one more time I’m going to just scream. When someone says they’re a “music lover” or their library must have something other than top 40, the Weeknd and Adele… Just staying an annoyance here. But moving on…

I’m not really sure what I’m going to replace that time with, since it was a lot of my free time but something healthy. Obviously travel is in the near future for the holidays but I really do want just one weekend to be free, a kid again and my craving for unpredictability is overwhelming. I’m a slave to routine but am needing to have something shock me. People don’t shock me, especially men. Sometimes, on these dates, I felt like I could have been one of those pull string toys that have about 10 preset responses. Pull my string and any one of my replies would be acceptable because NOTHING shocks me anymore.

That’s why it’s nice to have a carefree, feeling like a kid again weekend. Al though it seems like every time I’m around my family, which is a lot lately, I resort back to this teenager. I’m the youngest one there who’s still single and I feel like everyone has to check to make sure I’m eating properly, if my school work is getting done or if I need a few extra bucks allowance. I almost want to eat at the kids table during the holidays just so it feels right.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate it all but it’s a contrast of not having much of a childhood and now feeling like I’ve never left it. Strange place to be and even harder to explain. I’m pretty sure that if I’m not in some sort of a relationship where I don’t mind bringing my date to the family next year, I’m going to just take a two month cruise or trip somewhere else instead.

That’s a strange thought. I’ve never actually taken anyone to my holidays, not intentionally anyway. There’s only one guy I would have ever brought and I think I asked him once but other than that my family never usually gets to meet my dates. That’s not true, they usually get to meet them accidentally. That’s a whole other story but for another night.

I’ve actually completed my adult tasks for the day, dishes, work and I’ll be finishing up my exercise soon then it’s meditation and some sort of TV that will be on in the background as I play around on my computer not paying any attention to it what-so-ever. I don’t actually remember the last thing I watched and actually paid attention to.

It was an early post for me tonight in hopes of doing something predictably important later. Hope you’re all having a wonderful week.



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