Baby steps…

I just got back from seeing my friends new baby today. There was this perfect, tiny package of her posterity. She did it all by herself. There he laid, asleep, in my arms without a care or concern in the world. Aside from a few smacks on the butt, he’d never been hurt, never been lied to and never seen pain. He was a pure blank slate. I have to be honest here and say I think my uterus cried a few tears of joy in that moment. He was just so new.

Isn’t that what life is truly about though? Isn’t it about finding someone who you can tolerate to co-parent a child for at least eighteen years with. Finding someone who’s faults and flaws can counter act yours and who can highlight the blessings and positive energy that you both share? Otherwise, what’s the point in this whole dating business?

This is why I find it so hard to continue to have patience or let someone court me who I know is someone that is so inferior to my end game. I am not and have never looked for perfection. I search for a connection, a truth, a bond that can’t be overwritten by someone flaws. This is where I find myself biting myself in my own ass because that bond or connection is so hard to come by. It’s usually somewhere half way between a first date where I find myself already picking out what’s wrong with this person. I’ve tried to “wait for the connection” or “wait for the spark” but I feel if it’s not there in the first few moments, it’ll never come.

If someone’s too young, too old, too crazy or not crazy enough, what’s the point? Why waste either of your time? Just so the other side of the bed isn’t too cold on a chilly night? That sounds selfish and stupid to me. There’s just no reason for that. I know that if I can finally find someone that I’ll let take care of me then I know he’s the one. I know that if I still care to hear the words coming out of his mouth by the time the main course comes then he’s the one. I know that when the room is quite and there’s no uncomfortable silence, there’s no “trying to impress”, when everything becomes easy… I’ll just know.

It’s an exciting proposition to know that this is still out there to experience. There’s a sort of found hope about something so new coming into this world. So tonight I am thankful for tiny, little, miracles. I’m in a happy and hopeful place right now and I’ll try to hold on to this as long as possible. It’s kind of a beautiful peaceful place.

Hope you found a little bit of perfect today.


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