It seems as though I’ve fallen further down the rabbit hole than ever before. It’s strangely nice, dark and quiet in here. I’ve been spending time with people I don’t care much about, therefore not offending when I sit quietly and smile. I really don’t know why this time is so dark but I need to get out of this hole quickly as I’ll soon be spending time with people that matter. I need to be in the moment soon and it’s going to be a busy week.
It feels like I’ve not had enough time to come up for air and between all the crazy, bad shit that’s happened over the last few months, the least of all that being my iCloud account being hacked and losing all my contacts, I’d also gotten into a car wreck. It wasn’t my car but still battered my body enough to where it hurt to breath for a few days. Again, these are the best of the bads that have happened.
On another note, I had to break down and get a new car. I wasn’t sure I was ready or wanted to but my friend explained this to me in a new way which was, “I was getting into new energy”. I hadn’t really thought about that till she said it. I do need to energy. I need calm and clean energy around me. I don’t know why I’ve been seeking refuge with crazy, narcissistic energy lately. I suppose so I don’t get attached. That’s the best way to explain it. But now, all I want to do is climb out of this black hole with more zest than ever.
My friend is having her baby tomorrow and that’s absolutely new energy. I finally get two real (not sick) days off work on Thursday and Friday which will make a four day weekend just the thing the doctor ordered. I’ll be traveling and also, hopefully, seeing my friend from the northeast soon as well. Plus I get to spend time with my BFF and my niece which will bring in some good vibes. After I get back, hopefully Friday, maybe I’ll muster some great energy of my own somehow by going through the rest of my belongings and getting rid of all the crap I no longer need.
I need to start writing again. It’s usually when I’m at my darkest that I don’t or when I’m getting into some trouble. I’m looking to get out of trouble now and as my weekly horoscope says, “bring about my quirkiness”. I am still finding my way back through some dark, prickly and dangerous terrain but with help of those close to me, even without their knowledge, they are helping me. I do need one, final pull though and I think I’ll be above ground for the first time in a long time.
It’s almost the end of yet another year. I feel like I’ve done so much this year but never left the same spot. Still single, still not entirely fixed but at least on the right track at this very moment to move ahead a bit more. There’s still going to be days that I don’t want to get out of bed or that I’d rather be with pointless people to avoid the silence in my home but if those days are fewer and farther in between then it means things are getting better right?
I able to breath a bit better tonight and not feel so suffocated. There’s a sense of lightness that had come over me since yesterday. I have no idea where that’s come from but can’t be thankful enough for it. I am preparing for a busy week but a brighter week. Trying to put all the past crap behind me and only looking forward. We shall see how this works.
I hope you are all having a great weekend and a peaceful one as well. Here’s to better days.