SSB and strange addictions…

Sex and the City coined the phrase “SSB” or secret single behavior. What do you do when no ones looking? So one of my strange SSBs is that I am addicted to reading the “Missed Connections” in Craigslist. Yes, I am completely aware that the majority of these are fake or just plain stupid but that’s my secret social network addiction.

For years now, there’s been one guy that’s quoted music lyrics. He doesn’t do it often and I’m not even sure he’s putting them out to anyone specific but he always chooses great songs. But as far as the rest of the missed connections go, I’m not really sure why I like to read those. I guess it’s always nice to see others putting themselves out there and searching for something.

I guess we are all searching for something right? Even when we think our lives are great, there’s always something else out there and sometimes it might be a missed connection, or a better job, or a better “other half”. We are never satisfied which what we have which is good and bad. On one hand, never being satisfied is what challenges us to do better; however, on the other hand, always assuming there’s something better out there is why people get cheated on, don’t realize what they have until it’s gone or just plainly eff up crap in their life. This would be because they’re always look ahead instead of right next to them.

I’m guilty of the same. I think we all are. As humans we are flawed. We screw things up and we make mistakes. Sometimes, a lot of them. But lately, I’ve been really searching and talking to people about their beliefs and they feel they need to work on in themselves. One thing I’ve heard a lot is empathy, forgiveness and guilt. People tell me that they wish they could forgive people easier. They wish they could feel a bit more empathetic towards others and that they could forgive others. These happen to all be what I’ve been working on as well.

There are a lot of people that I need to forgive and I’ve worked out a lot of that lately. Some of these people are no longer on this earth so writing things out and burning those thoughts seems to help with those things. The people that are still here and that I still see are easier because their goodness now shows that they can change. The ones that I don’t see any longer, those I just pray for and wish them well.

The empathy part of me, well, as much as I’m a cold person on the outside, I’m very almost overly empathetic. That’s also an Aquarius trait. We seem cold and distant but we feel everything. I was told that as a child I would look after my teddy bears as they were people and if one fell was stepped on or thrown then I would cry. I don’t remember this but I believe it. I feel more than I should and especially lately. Which is why I’m becoming masterful at meditation.

The guilt, something we all feel about something. I feel guilty about things that I have no control over. I feel guilty about situations from my past that I can’t change. The only thing I can do now is make up for my guilt by being a good human.

What does my version of being a good human consist of these days? I’ve kind of made a mantra for myself lately that I’ve been living by and it’s been helping. Here it is:

I will donate my time and personal items to the needy.
I will not turn my back on a friend in need.
I will meditate each day and pray for those around me and myself.
I will write to help me through my confused mind.
I will try to change the things that are not healthy in me and help the good things about me grow.

Those are just a few things that I’m working on. Myself, I’m a work in progress. Change, exactly how much change is needed to being a good human? And is it acceptable to ask someone else to change as well? Well, this depends on what the person is doing. If they are doing something that is harming themselves or others then yes, this is acceptable to ask but if this is part of their makeup and it doesn’t cause harm to someone else then no. No one should be asked to change who they are and it is all part of acceptance. You have to take the good and the bad with people.

There is no one that I am changing for. I just know that I need to better myself. We are never perfect and I’m happy with who I am and if someone else isn’t that is none of my business. If someone chooses to take you for who you are, no exceptions than they are a true friend. There are lots of selfish, narcissistic and fake humans out there and a lot of times they are disguised as someone they are not. Be careful for those humans. These are the ones that continue to make mistakes, use people or don’t give themselves as they should to others but then go in and ask for forgiveness, knowing that they’ll do it all again.

I’ve known a few of these people and some have come through business channels. I used to sit back and hope that karma would come quickly but now I realize that what happens to them or how they handle their situation is none of business. In fact, I’m learning that there’s a lot of things that I really shouldn’t and don’t care to know. If people choose to tell me their stories then I will be more than happy to listen but others wise, it’s of no importance to me.

You know of my allergy to social media. It’s not just an allergy but an aversion and I get bored easily. But my real, true friends don’t even use it much anyway so it’s nice to actually catch up with people that don’t say “Didn’t you see? I posted it.” I was talking with my friend in the northeast the other day and not once did we discuss anything about what someone posted. It was all new information and catching up. We’ve been talking about him moving back to Austin next year and it might be about the same time that I do. Hopefully, we’ll be able to work full time together.

Houston has become a stagnant wasteland for me. Most of my real relationships are in Austin anyway and I think it’s just about time to move. Austin is healthier and will bring much needed change. I think this town has become toxic to me but my move is at least six months away so this still gives me time to do all the growing and changing I need to do here. Although, I can’t say that moving away to a deserted island still doesn’t have its perks.

Today is good. It might not stay that way all day but for right now, it’s good. I’m in a good place and I have purposely kept my weekend free so that I can, hopefully, not do a darn thing. I want to enjoy the thunderstorm tomorrow and not have any place that I actually HAVE to be. Hopefully, this plan will not change.

Hope you are all having a great day. 🙂
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