Mental stagnation and random bitchiness…

First, I’ll get through my bitchiness rant. It’s become painfully obvious to me that I can not stand people that act like sheep. Stand on your own two feet, let your freak flag fly and stop liking everything because someone else has. Stop thinking or speaking the way your do because you can’t speak for yourself or because you can’t have a new thought all on your own. Stop being sheep. It’s that simple. If you don’t like something then speak up. If you don’t understand something, learn it. Stop regurgitating the rhetoric of others because you’re not smart enough to take a stand. Here’s a start… Guess what? Just because I have female DNA doesn’t mean that I have to follow along what most women think. I can’t stand romantic crap movies. I’m not afraid to admit this. I’ve never seen Legends of the Fall, I don’t own the Notebook and no I don’t think that Ryan Gosling is dreamy. You can burn all the romantic movies.

That was just my single rant for the day because I’ve been watching this shit all day long. People morphing into the people around them for sheer acknowledgement yet all they do is blend in. Maybe some of this is a bit in my “sign” because I’m an Aquarius and we’re supposed to be individuals, quirky and different but seriously… Put down the pumpkins spiced shit, stop listening to the latest top 40 pop crap and go be something different. Speak your mind. Just find yourself and not mirror someone else. That is all for that.

Now that’s out of my system I’ll tell you something that I’ve been doing lately. I absolutely can’t stand mental stagnation so when I’m feeling like my mind is about to move backwards I like to take random classes online, for all different things. This particular one is a bit more of an emotional workshop type of thing but the first thing it asked me to do was to write three short letters to people you have something to say to. I figured I’d do that here since it’s my journal anyway so here goes.

_____

1.) To my BFF: If I could somehow take away all your pain, stress and just fill you with love and happiness I would walk to the ends of the world to do this for you. Until then, all I can offer you is support, my love and kindness and laughter. After all it is only laughter that can bring us from the brink of devastating tears to uncontrollable, unbreathable laughter. You are my first priority but last resort 🙂 This too shall pass, for both of us.

2.) To my niece: I have already watched you grow up so fast and your laughter and intelligence has astonished me so much. I wish I could save you from all the pain this world will offer you but at the very least I can be there for support and to hold you if you need it. I can’t wait to see the perfect adult you’ll become one day and I hope to bring you a cousin one day that can grow up with you like family should. I love you little monkey.

3.) To my friend: No matter what comes between us, I still love you. I think I will always love for no other reason than because of you. I wish things were different but understand that this is just what you do. I hope that you’re happy and I hope that you’re being cared for. I’ve never wanted anything less than the best for you and still pray for you every night. You might be the greatest love of my life no matter how hard I try to make this not true. You have not always been kind to me, you’ve thrown me away when you wanted to and you’ve found me when you needed to but I still can’t lie that you’re the only person I can truly say, I’ve loved unconditionally and without cause or reason. Be kind to the person who takes care of you now and know that I am always here.

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I’m not really sure that those letters are supposed to make me feel better, worse or just feel something. Stupid, effing emotions can go suck it. Never been a fan of those things, emotions, and never really had a problem with them before. I’ve never assumed that my lack of emotions was a strength but now they certainly feel like a weakness.

Those are my ramblings tonight… Sleep well.

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