Apparently, I am so missed in having a great mood all day that yesterday my boss kept asking me if I’d gotten laid over the weekend. (We have a strange relationship.) I finally had to tell him that if my mood was predicted by orgasms then I’d be happy 99% of the time. That shut him up, which was the point and the happiness carried out all through out the day. It’s still here too, even though I wasn’t feeling well enough to go to work, I wasn’t unhappy.
While attempting to sleep my pain away today, I was talking with an ex in hopes that he would make me sleepy. Instead, he was just annoying me and he found out very quickly that, even if I’m no longer speaking to someone that I care for, no one has the right to say anything negative about that person. That’s something that’s always annoyed me. When someone else feels like trashing another person in hopes that they look better. It doesn’t work that way, at least, not with me. Speaking negatively about someone else just makes you look like trash and it’s a waste of energy. Sadly, there’s not a whole lot of people that have those same feelings.
It didn’t make me that sad to “let go” of my ex, that I was speaking with and realize that there’s a reason he’s not in my life any longer. It was a strange reason why we were chatting today anyway. He’s from a past, long ago and someone that could never really hold my attention much anyway. He was a touch boring. I don’t do well with boring or easy. Neither is a way to get me although sometimes boredom in repetition is the only way I get things done, it doesn’t make me happy.
I’ve often had this problem when it came to men in my life. A lot of them came easy. That sounds bad but there was never much passion and certainly not enough “John Hughes 80’s movie moments” as I call them. People say that women don’t live their lives by time, it’s by moments and I completely agree. I also agree that if somethings too easy and there’s no fight, or passion then it’s not really worth having.
It’s like the boredom of the “normal date”. I hate dinner and a movie and it’s been probably years since I’ve succumbed to a fate of a date like that. If you can’t think outside the box then maybe you should be trying to get into someone else’s box. This is why I’m swearing off dating for now. I’m looking for something else, something different. My lease is up in about six months and I’ve got a few options. I’ve found a person who is willing to fund me on a business venture that I really want to do but it will involve me moving, which I’m not too bummed about. I’ve always wanted to run my own business, hire who I want and make my own hours and I’ve had enough experience to be able to do this. I’ve been “saying” that I want to do something else for far too long and the truth is, at my age, if you’re not married and thinking about or having kids then you should have a nice career. I have the nice career which I like but I’d like to do something else and I could have the husband and the kids but there are currently no prospects that I would even entertain the idea of.
If these last few weeks have taught me anything, they’ve taught me that spending time worrying about what others think of you, still “playing around with peoples emotions, souls or bodies” past the age of 30 or filling your karma bank with bad karma isn’t the way to live. God didn’t put us on this earth to win at the game of sleeping around from human to human or wasting life with the skills he’s given you. It’s about love, kindness and helping people. John Wooden said “You can’t live a perfect day until you do something for someone who will never be able to repay you”. I plan on fulfilling this quote as much as possible.
You can’t expect things to change if you don’t change things.
I know this post is filled with quotes and cliches but a lot of them ring true. They are keeping me happy and content. Not to mention that regardless how silly they sound they all makes sense. I’m done living in the past, dwelling on things that didn’t work out and negative things. I’m in a good place because I choose to be, not because anyone or anything has put me here. I still pray every night for all the things I’ve been praying for over the last couple years and I have no idea if they are reaching those people or not but I’d like to believe that they are and I no longer concern myself with the question, “What do they pray for?” Because it’s none of my business and I’m not living a tit for tat life. All things happen the way they are supposed to. I do truly believe that.
So, that’s my rambling for today. I hope you are having a great week. 🙂