SSB and strange addictions…

Sex and the City coined the phrase “SSB” or secret single behavior. What do you do when no ones looking? So one of my strange SSBs is that I am addicted to reading the “Missed Connections” in Craigslist. Yes, I am completely aware that the majority of these are fake or just plain stupid but that’s my secret social network addiction.

For years now, there’s been one guy that’s quoted music lyrics. He doesn’t do it often and I’m not even sure he’s putting them out to anyone specific but he always chooses great songs. But as far as the rest of the missed connections go, I’m not really sure why I like to read those. I guess it’s always nice to see others putting themselves out there and searching for something.

I guess we are all searching for something right? Even when we think our lives are great, there’s always something else out there and sometimes it might be a missed connection, or a better job, or a better “other half”. We are never satisfied which what we have which is good and bad. On one hand, never being satisfied is what challenges us to do better; however, on the other hand, always assuming there’s something better out there is why people get cheated on, don’t realize what they have until it’s gone or just plainly eff up crap in their life. This would be because they’re always look ahead instead of right next to them.

I’m guilty of the same. I think we all are. As humans we are flawed. We screw things up and we make mistakes. Sometimes, a lot of them. But lately, I’ve been really searching and talking to people about their beliefs and they feel they need to work on in themselves. One thing I’ve heard a lot is empathy, forgiveness and guilt. People tell me that they wish they could forgive people easier. They wish they could feel a bit more empathetic towards others and that they could forgive others. These happen to all be what I’ve been working on as well.

There are a lot of people that I need to forgive and I’ve worked out a lot of that lately. Some of these people are no longer on this earth so writing things out and burning those thoughts seems to help with those things. The people that are still here and that I still see are easier because their goodness now shows that they can change. The ones that I don’t see any longer, those I just pray for and wish them well.

The empathy part of me, well, as much as I’m a cold person on the outside, I’m very almost overly empathetic. That’s also an Aquarius trait. We seem cold and distant but we feel everything. I was told that as a child I would look after my teddy bears as they were people and if one fell was stepped on or thrown then I would cry. I don’t remember this but I believe it. I feel more than I should and especially lately. Which is why I’m becoming masterful at meditation.

The guilt, something we all feel about something. I feel guilty about things that I have no control over. I feel guilty about situations from my past that I can’t change. The only thing I can do now is make up for my guilt by being a good human.

What does my version of being a good human consist of these days? I’ve kind of made a mantra for myself lately that I’ve been living by and it’s been helping. Here it is:

I will donate my time and personal items to the needy.
I will not turn my back on a friend in need.
I will meditate each day and pray for those around me and myself.
I will write to help me through my confused mind.
I will try to change the things that are not healthy in me and help the good things about me grow.

Those are just a few things that I’m working on. Myself, I’m a work in progress. Change, exactly how much change is needed to being a good human? And is it acceptable to ask someone else to change as well? Well, this depends on what the person is doing. If they are doing something that is harming themselves or others then yes, this is acceptable to ask but if this is part of their makeup and it doesn’t cause harm to someone else then no. No one should be asked to change who they are and it is all part of acceptance. You have to take the good and the bad with people.

There is no one that I am changing for. I just know that I need to better myself. We are never perfect and I’m happy with who I am and if someone else isn’t that is none of my business. If someone chooses to take you for who you are, no exceptions than they are a true friend. There are lots of selfish, narcissistic and fake humans out there and a lot of times they are disguised as someone they are not. Be careful for those humans. These are the ones that continue to make mistakes, use people or don’t give themselves as they should to others but then go in and ask for forgiveness, knowing that they’ll do it all again.

I’ve known a few of these people and some have come through business channels. I used to sit back and hope that karma would come quickly but now I realize that what happens to them or how they handle their situation is none of business. In fact, I’m learning that there’s a lot of things that I really shouldn’t and don’t care to know. If people choose to tell me their stories then I will be more than happy to listen but others wise, it’s of no importance to me.

You know of my allergy to social media. It’s not just an allergy but an aversion and I get bored easily. But my real, true friends don’t even use it much anyway so it’s nice to actually catch up with people that don’t say “Didn’t you see? I posted it.” I was talking with my friend in the northeast the other day and not once did we discuss anything about what someone posted. It was all new information and catching up. We’ve been talking about him moving back to Austin next year and it might be about the same time that I do. Hopefully, we’ll be able to work full time together.

Houston has become a stagnant wasteland for me. Most of my real relationships are in Austin anyway and I think it’s just about time to move. Austin is healthier and will bring much needed change. I think this town has become toxic to me but my move is at least six months away so this still gives me time to do all the growing and changing I need to do here. Although, I can’t say that moving away to a deserted island still doesn’t have its perks.

Today is good. It might not stay that way all day but for right now, it’s good. I’m in a good place and I have purposely kept my weekend free so that I can, hopefully, not do a darn thing. I want to enjoy the thunderstorm tomorrow and not have any place that I actually HAVE to be. Hopefully, this plan will not change.

Hope you are all having a great day. ๐Ÿ™‚
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Rambling thoughts from a darkened mind tonight…

For someone with such a strange and social life, I’ve turned into boring. More boring than I care to remember. There’s been a lot going on and none of it seems to be fun nor meaningful. I’ve barely had a chance to just sit and actually watch TV or at least remember what I’ve just watched. I want to have a relaxing night and enjoy and embrace the coolness that’s entered the night.

There’s things going on all around me. Most are not that pleasant. As I said before, I’ve been to too many hospitals and been through some strange events over the last few weeks I can’t seem to quiet my mind either. It’s racing to no where or to somewhere that I don’t want it to be. I wish I could write about all the fun I’ve had or the awesomely memorable moments but I’m stressed and even the fun moments seem like they take too much energy which I’m not full of these days.

I can’t even put my thoughts together enough to write here which is where my solace seems to be. I don’t come here much these days because these are not times I want to remember days, weeks, months or years from now. I’m tired, so tired. I’m lost and somewhere between sad and catatonic but at least catatonic is closer to numb than I’ve been in a while.

I just want to do something different than what I’ve been doing. I want a different mindset and a different set of emotions. I want a different place or a different space. My dishes are piled as high as my unwanted thoughts. My trash is overflowing like my head. I should just lock myself in and fix my space before I do anything but home is the last place I want to be. The moment I’m here I’m reminded that it’s too quiet and that I don’t like quiet these days even though I could do with some empty space inside my mind.

I’m jumbled, possibly in trouble but can’t open my mouth to say anything to anyone that’s of any importance. My words are unimportant not the people. I’ve spoken to so many people lately and still nothing is exciting me. There’s no spark or thrill or life line that’s helping me pull myself out. I’m still tired and cracked. People around me are broken and cracked and I can’t fix them. I need to know that I’ve helped. I need to know that they’re different but I won’t ask. I hear their words but forget everything moments later.

Work is a paradox of boredom and busy that takes my mind off happenings for at least 40 hours a week but that’s all monotony. There’s nothing out there that’s reigniting a single solitary ash that’s been left burning in hopes that someone will set fire to it soon. There’s faint smoke but nothing enough to signal for help. I’ve turned off all honest, emotional communication and now it’s all sarcasm and filler. I wasn’t programmed for a life less ordinary and I’m failing myself.

The light is bright from the outside world chiming in with messages of simplicity. I ignore most until I’m requested for something that, at the very least, gets me out of my fortress of solitude. Everyone seems filled with their own sense of dysfunction and my peace is helping them, not me. If I wasn’t proud, too proud, I’d scream “Let me out of here”. But I’ve placed myself in my own paradox.

Ripping intellectual and spiritual advice to others which I pay no attention to myself. I don’t listen to my own words. That’s our own curse isn’t it? We don’t listen to ourselves? We don’t take our own advice? We are our own worst enemies? I can be a strengthening pillar to everyone else but, yet again, I scream, “Where’s my pillar of strength? Where’s my pillar of hope?” I thought it was in a book, that’s kept by a night table that’s supposed to bring me solace. I thought it was in a picture of the past that reminded me what I need. I thought in was in the simple task of dropping to my knees with clasped hands and asking for something that I don’t deserve but want more than anything. I think I thought wrong because that line of communication seems to have been severed on His end, not mine.

But, I will continue to follow the direction of so many and continue my nightly ritual of asking for help from something that’s voice full of answers hasn’t been heard yet. There’s so many things that are being asked of him. I’m just in line. This is what asking for patience and understand gets me but I continue to ask as well as so much more than I need more than I’ve ever wanted.

These are not sad thoughts tonight, only ones of confusion and maybe guilt which is why my next journey starts with the forgiveness of everyone, including myself. There’s a path I need to be one but I’m just not sure that this street of memories will get me there.

That is all for tonight. I feel better.

Crazy Mind

What is love and setting things free…

Speaking in the eloquent words of Haddaway (from the 90’s) “What is love?”. Is it the desperation of two dim witted brothers from Night at the Roxbury attempting to act cool? Is it a person, place or thing? Animal, mineral or vegetable? The next words in the song are, “Baby don’t hurt me!” and there’s a reason for that.

Love is something that means something different to everyone. To some, they see an item, remember a song or watch a movie and that’s a reminder of a certain kind of love to them. But moving to another song, “Love don’t cost a thing” or at least it shouldn’t right? But from the moment we all “love” something, anything, it’s possible it could cost us everything.

There are times when you let love go for either the reason that it’s not the healthiest kind of love or to see if it returns. There are times when you put love on hold so you can pursue other things in life. Then there are times when love is just forgotten or buried deep within so you can let someone else have their joy.

Not everyone is meant to have everything they want nor need. That’s the story of life, love included. If we always got what we wanted wouldn’t we just want more? Do we ever actually appreciate the things when we have them? Or are we such a society where instant gratification is a standard that no one really knows what the hell we want or need anymore anyway?

Why am I being so introspective today? For many reasons. First, you all know the struggles I’ve had with a “friend” in my life. It’s now been a month and a half or so since we’ve seen each other and I have a fear or a deep down knowledge that it’ll be a lot longer than that, if we ever actually do, see each other again.

When our sabbatical from each other first started I knew that it was because he’d found someone to replace his time with. My initial reaction was one of hope for him. He wants a family and regardless of the feelings that I have for him and knowing that he’d never have those wants with me, I had a glimmer of hope that maybe this was someone that he would be happy to finally have that with. My second reaction, albeit a close second, was that I knew this would be another longer interim of him not “needing” me and therefore no need to want to see me. I hated that I was right.

So a long silence from both of us occurred. His end was because he was busy forgetting the people that had helped him over the last few years and he was enjoying life with a new person. My end was two fold. One, I suppose it was a bit of a test to see what would happen and when he’d reach out, if he did. The second was to let him have his space to be happy. We’d been fighting a lot. It started to seem daunting for him to make time for us so there’s nothing left to do at that point but to let someone go and not to bother them at all.

The next thing was the “coming back”. If this was to happen what would be the reason? That sounds silly right? Why should there be any other reason to see a friend other than because you miss them? Obvious right? Wrong! In his attempt to meet up again, there was nothing about “miss you”, “can’t wait to see you” or “I want to spend time together”. Nope, none of that.

Let me interject a story here. I’ve taken lots of classes for different things because of my job. One of my first jobs was a customer service roll which I had to take a customer service class and the first thing they teach you is that, no matter what good things you have to say to someone the only focus will be on the worst thing. Basically if I was to say to you, “Your hair looks amazing but your clothes look like shit.” You soon forget that I had anything nice to say to you at all.

Back to the “lets hang out” conversation. There was a whole lot of empty filler and then the actual reason or request for why he had chosen to reach out to me after a long sabbatical. If this was the first, second or even third time this had happened it might be ok because, where he’s concerned, I’ve learn to have a fuck-load of patience but it’s been too many times to count. It would be different if I’d never brought up this concern to him before but I have. Numerous times. In fact, my exact words were this, “You make me feel like a loyal trusty dog”. This was obviously due to the fact that I have always been here for him.

I’ve put in time, love and money into a one sided friendship that was so easy for him to cast away, all while saying things like “You’re my BFF.” “I love and care about you more than most”. When you immediately follow all those things up with silence until you need something you’ve completely voided any goodness those things once offered and yet again, made someone feel like a loyal trusty dog.

The issues that I have are these: First, I promised to ALWAYS be there but at what cost? There’s truly nothing I can do about these feelings I have for him and I’ve tried everything. I’ve never, in my life, been a pushover nor a doormat. I’ve never thought twice about letting go of people that weren’t healthy but I’ve also never felt like I only had a friend when then needed me for something or when they were bored with life and I was a last resort. So, I have no clue what to do.

Here is where my head and my heart are at odds with each other and apparently God as well. My heart says, “He’ll always hold a special place in here whether he wants to or not but he’ll always break your heart”. My head says, “What the fuck are you doing? You are so much better than feeling less than amazing. If he missed you, he’d see you. Period. If he missed you he’d say it. Period. If you weren’t “replaceable” you’d never have been replace nor lied to about it”. God, on the other hand, is still sending me emails in my dreams WITH HIS MOTHER AND SISTER. This is so unfair.

This seems like it should be such an easy task to accomplish but having self respect, I know that I have to listen to my head right? Or is the problem that I’ve never listen to my heart before and it’s about time? Or do I listen to God, and his Mother and Sister?

The last thing I’ll ask about this topic, as it’s obviously been weighing on me, is this…

โ€œIf you love something set it free. If it comes back itโ€™s yours. If not, it was never meant to be.โ€

But if it comes back with an asterisk and it’s not yours and never has been does any of that even apply?

There was once a time, in our friendship, that there wasn’t any asterisks and there was never any question. There was actually a time when I knew or thought I knew that he was fighting for a friendship here that had surpassed over two decades and would last forever but now, I just feel like he’s forgotten the friendship completely. There was once a time when I believe his words, “I look forward to repaying your kindness” and now I feel like he’s just using my kindness.

Last night I prayed that God ask him to show me that he actually cares about the person behind the kindness. I have a feeling that I will be waiting for a very long time for that, if I ever see any fight left in him. I have always tried to look at our situation through both our eyes and I wish that he would, just once, do the same for me.

I’ve at least gathered my thoughts up enough to write it all down here in hopes that it all gets out of my head. I really want life to prove me wrong, just once. Just… Once…

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Space, time and the final frontier…

One of the few things that I love is space, the stars, astrology and science. One of the first things we, as a family, did when we first came over from England was go to NASA and it was fascinating. While my attention has passed more to astrology and the stars, I will always remember our autographed photos of Buzz Aldrin. They hung on our walls till the day my parents moved. Since I’m a bit moved over to the stars, when I’ve had a rough or shitty day I love to take a walk at night, look up at the stars and sometimes (in a cheesy Disney sort-a way) I wonder who’s doing the same thing somewhere else.

There’s not much of a reason that I’m telling you this now. It’s just that I did that last night. I was trying to process things and found the only solace being outside in the night sky and now it’s perfect weather to just enjoy it whether you’re contemplating anything or not.

One thing I was thinking about is that it might be possible that I give people too much space. Let me back-track. I was watching one of my friends the other day who’s got a new girlfriend. We were trying to catch up and have a nice meal but his gf would not stop texting him. She called a few times. It was annoying for me and I could tell that he was getting more than annoyed. This prompted the “space” conversation. Whenever I’ve dated someone, I can’t just be one of those people that jumps in and combines everything. The idea that, all of a sudden, we’re linked through 20 different types of social media, there’s a texting conversation that can’t be ignored for more than 10 minutes or they just become immersed in all parts of my life, scares and annoys the shit out of me.

People should have their own space. I’ve never believed that all things should be bound together once you start a relationship. I don’t and have never changed my “status”, don’t really care that someone I went to school with 20 years ago knows I’m dating someone or not and I don’t need constant validation that they are everywhere, whether I need it or not.

You all know this. I’m a huge advocate on space and personal time. I know that this is not always the case with everyone else though but two people should not morph into one, once they become a couple. They should still have time out with their own friends, have days that they don’t HAVE to speak or text and have time to themselves. Doesn’t all of that make it better when they do spend time together?

Now, on the exact opposite end of the spectrum, I’ve been guilty of doing the extreme opposite. I give people too much time and space. I don’t reach out (we all know that’s a flaw for me) and my thought process is usually, “When they’re ready, I’ll hear from them”. My closest friends know that this is who I am. It might take a great man to change that in me but my thoughts on two people becoming one once they date will never change. I don’t think that’s what should happen. I don’t believe that one person should (to quote a stupid movie) “complete” another person. I believe that a person should compliment another and this is the same as friends or lovers. We, as ourselves, are complete as one.

But, after all that being said, my feelings on the situation are not entire correct and neither is the extreme. There is a happy medium in between. But until I reach that, the people closes to me are all aware that if they want to see me, talk to me or hang out then it’s usually them who need to reach out, either because I’ll make time for them as soon as I can or it might be the one thing that pulls me out of my own head, especially when there’s been too much craziness around me. I tend to fall into a sort of solitary confinement that’s hard to pull myself out at times. Sometimes, I wish I had a superhero beacon when I fall into my black holes. The things we wish we had…. ๐Ÿ™‚ I suppose my final frontier will be to find a man that’s strong enough to pull me outta my own head.

Those are my thoughts this morning. Hope you all have a great day.

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Happy Monday… zzzzzzzzzzzz.

So freakin tired this morning. Apparently, I’m back to having my insane dreams. My night started with a horrible nightmare then it was followed by a weird but kinda cool dream. This all was probably due to my crazy weekend. If I see another hospital ever, it’ll be too soon.

I have been going crazy over the last few weeks and just need a vacation, so desperately bad. Of course I’ve been saying that for a very long time. But, for those of you that have read my stuff for years you’ll understand it best when I say this… “I’ve had so little time for myself that I’ve barely listen to any music.” Even in the car, it’s usually these long exacerbated phone calls.

What I’d like to do is take a week vacation to somewhere exotic, then come back home and take a week of from my vacation… Is that too much to ask? And to top everything off, I’ve been doing so many fitness challenges that my butt is soar. Literally, I feel like I could crack a walnut. I’m sure that was a charming image. ๐Ÿ™‚

In the interim of all this ‘drama filled time’ I’ve also been organizing a baby shower, a move and trying to write and work at home. I’m just so tired. Soon, I’ll be needing to start buying useless crap for Christmas, which if yesterday’s shopping was any indicator of what I’m in store for, everything I buy will be on the internet.

It’s not that I dislike all humans. I general like to be a social butterfly; however, I do dislike stupidity and that seemed vast yesterday. Everywhere I turned it was it was just rude, stupidity which is double exhausting.

I know it appears that I’m not in a good mood today but I am, for the most part. Mostly, because I think I’ve finally gotten a lot better at meditation. It’s still pretty hard to me to stay completely clear minded through the process but at least it’s easier to blow those unwanted thoughts out of my mind during it. Maybe that’s why my dreams are so screwed up… hmmm.

So what’s on the agenda for this week? Sleep, sleep, coffee, coffee and sleep… Well, we all know that things will not work out like that for me at all. In fact, the only thing that is certain will most likely be the coffee and more of a soar butt ๐Ÿ™‚ Those, I can accept. I am fully ok with those.

As I’ve been attempting to write here for a while now, my phone has not stopped going off. This shall be one of those days that I get home and turn that sucker off. I need my quiet time. Someone ground me!

Hopefully, I’ll be fully awake by the time 5 o’clock hits… That’s usually how my Monday’s work. Hell, that’s how everyday works for me. I need a fruity cocktail, a foot massage and a good movie right now. Who knows when I’ll get any of those ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

So, yeah, my usual Monday is currently going on so I shall drink my coffee and expect the worst and hope for the best.

Hope you all had a great weekend and just go you know, the entire time I’ve been writing this, I’ve been doing butt exercises ๐Ÿ™‚

Twin Peaks Coffee

Mental stagnation and random bitchiness…

First, I’ll get through my bitchiness rant. It’s become painfully obvious to me that I can not stand people that act like sheep. Stand on your own two feet, let your freak flag fly and stop liking everything because someone else has. Stop thinking or speaking the way your do because you can’t speak for yourself or because you can’t have a new thought all on your own. Stop being sheep. It’s that simple. If you don’t like something then speak up. If you don’t understand something, learn it. Stop regurgitating the rhetoric of others because you’re not smart enough to take a stand. Here’s a start… Guess what? Just because I have female DNA doesn’t mean that I have to follow along what most women think. I can’t stand romantic crap movies. I’m not afraid to admit this. I’ve never seen Legends of the Fall, I don’t own the Notebook and no I don’t think that Ryan Gosling is dreamy. You can burn all the romantic movies.

That was just my single rant for the day because I’ve been watching this shit all day long. People morphing into the people around them for sheer acknowledgement yet all they do is blend in. Maybe some of this is a bit in my “sign” because I’m an Aquarius and we’re supposed to be individuals, quirky and different but seriously… Put down the pumpkins spiced shit, stop listening to the latest top 40 pop crap and go be something different. Speak your mind. Just find yourself and not mirror someone else. That is all for that.

Now that’s out of my system I’ll tell you something that I’ve been doing lately. I absolutely can’t stand mental stagnation so when I’m feeling like my mind is about to move backwards I like to take random classes online, for all different things. This particular one is a bit more of an emotional workshop type of thing but the first thing it asked me to do was to write three short letters to people you have something to say to. I figured I’d do that here since it’s my journal anyway so here goes.

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1.) To my BFF: If I could somehow take away all your pain, stress and just fill you with love and happiness I would walk to the ends of the world to do this for you. Until then, all I can offer you is support, my love and kindness and laughter. After all it is only laughter that can bring us from the brink of devastating tears to uncontrollable, unbreathable laughter. You are my first priority but last resort ๐Ÿ™‚ This too shall pass, for both of us.

2.) To my niece: I have already watched you grow up so fast and your laughter and intelligence has astonished me so much. I wish I could save you from all the pain this world will offer you but at the very least I can be there for support and to hold you if you need it. I can’t wait to see the perfect adult you’ll become one day and I hope to bring you a cousin one day that can grow up with you like family should. I love you little monkey.

3.) To my friend: No matter what comes between us, I still love you. I think I will always love for no other reason than because of you. I wish things were different but understand that this is just what you do. I hope that you’re happy and I hope that you’re being cared for. I’ve never wanted anything less than the best for you and still pray for you every night. You might be the greatest love of my life no matter how hard I try to make this not true. You have not always been kind to me, you’ve thrown me away when you wanted to and you’ve found me when you needed to but I still can’t lie that you’re the only person I can truly say, I’ve loved unconditionally and without cause or reason. Be kind to the person who takes care of you now and know that I am always here.

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I’m not really sure that those letters are supposed to make me feel better, worse or just feel something. Stupid, effing emotions can go suck it. Never been a fan of those things, emotions, and never really had a problem with them before. I’ve never assumed that my lack of emotions was a strength but now they certainly feel like a weakness.

Those are my ramblings tonight… Sleep well.

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Awkwardly horrible yet still smiling day…ย 

So today has had a lot of highs and lows, mostly lows, however I am not going to let any of that get me down. Someone, yet again, tried to salt my world with their lonely bitterness this morning and it made me do something that I really didn’t want to do but had too. This goes back to my post about people trying to push their shitty agendas on others because their world sucks. Blah. Some people are just assholes and I have no idea why I’ve become the recipient of their negativity.

I have been a more than kind person to a few close people in my life. This has never exhausted me nor made me regret anything I’ve done out of care but for some reason something I’ve done for one friend has obviously upset someone who had feelings for him. I think I’m pissing them off more because I’m not responding to their level of immaturity rather than engaging in it. See, I’m not a bitch but you also don’t fuck with people I care about, regardless of where we are with each other.

I really don’t understand why people choose to infect their bad moods, self-loathing or shitty disposition on other humans. When I’m in a bad mood, I’d rather shut myself away and not pass that on to anyone else. Unless I’m at work, then I usually take it out on my boss. I’d never say this to anyone but this asshole’s words affected me to the point of tears, for a third time and so I’m pretty sure I’ve made things so they can’t anymore. I teared. I fixed it. I moved on. After having two workout sessions today, seeing my friend’s beautiful baby girl and writing a bit, I feel so much better.

I think I want to start packing my stuff this weekend. My move date will come way too quickly and I have lots of stuff. The good thing is if I start now then I might be done in time ๐Ÿ™‚ Plus I’d like to sell some stuff for extra cash, stuff I never use anyway. Then I have very early plans all weekend which is weird because I don’t do early but it’ll give me time to get a good nights rest? Who am I kidding, I’ll probably got to bed late all weekend. This is the time of year when all the concerts, charity events and parties are many. It’ll be the time to dress up, look pretty and have fun. I’m actually looking forward to them this year.

I spoke to my friend who lives in the northeast this week and he’s planning on coming here for Thanksgiving. I miss his face so that should be fun as well. Aside from all of that today ended with a cash bonus somehow and tickets to a new winter festival in town. I will miss the perks of this job for sure although I’m pretty sure I’ll still be able to get them when I’m gone. Sixteen years is a long time to work somewhere and knowing the owner for almost 20 years will help as well.

On my last note of today, I finally went to my mailbox (which I never do) and found a letter. I have no idea who the letter was from but it was very sweet and you all know how I feel about getting a hand written letter. This would be out of my normal “strange” but it’s not. I’ve said before that weird things happen to me all the time. For years I’ve gotten an anonymous gift on Valentine’s Day. No clue who those were from. I’d been given all the 50 shades of shit books left, gift wrapped on my door step, teddy bears, flowers… It’s all been a strange mystery but I’m not that inquisitive. I might actually be one of the lease noisy people ever. My thought was, “If I’m supposed to know, then I will. If not, then it’s none of my business”. You all know how much of a private person I am already so this just goes with the flow.

I’m going to go do one final workout, get ready for bed and watch a scary movie before sleeping. Have a great night.

patience-everything-happens-for-a-reason

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