I think this sounds selfish to ask for because there’s so many more deserving people out there who need a miracle but I feel like it might be the only way I get out of this funk. I think, at this point, I have tried everything. I am just not ok right now.
I would be going out of town this weekend except I need new tires and wouldn’t make it on the one’s I have right now and don’t have the time to drop my car off. Plus, I don’t ask for help so, there’s that. I think my mind is “Set adrift on memory bliss”, as they say in that song.
I’m swirling around a drain that leads to no where and can’t find the strength to pull myself out, still. If anyone has any suggestions please feel free to information me what’s next. I think I’ll try anything. While this is an accumulation of a lot of things, some which I can change and some which I can’t, I really think this is so much more in my head. I need a way to get out of my head.
I feel like every smile or every laugh is just fake. They said fake it till you make it? I really am trying to do that. I have two appointments that should help tomorrow and a blank slate for the weekend along with a new netflix queue. Haven’t spoken to the ex in a while now and that actually helps. Haven’t talked to the “friend” in a while. I don’t know how I feel about that.
I did finally talk to my BFF. I just kind of blasted her with everything that’s been going on for the last few months. I apologized for keeping secrets and she said, “It’s ok. I expect it”. I really just can’t be one of those people that puts all their shit out there for everyone to see. I hate other people talking about other people especially disclosing their secrets. I guess that’s partly why I don’t do it and mostly why I hate social media, but right now I hate it for a different reason.
This is my first break today that I’ve been able to write down my thoughts, which always helps me feel better, maybe more later.
One of these pictures is more appropriate right now…