Saturday slump…

I’m continuing my boredom from yesterday, or relaxing. I haven’t figured out which yet. I did make it out of the home for a sweat class and made it to the doctor. Apparently, there’s something wrong with my spleen… What the hell does that do anyway? I wasn’t up to par today anyway because I fell asleep all wonky on the couch last night and then came home today and did it again.

I had a drunk visitor last night, a girl, who’s a bit deeply disturbed but she brought over this disgusting food. I will be throwing that out tomorrow. I still never made it to the grocery store which I should really do. As I said yesterday, I’m running out of sustainable food. For me, lately, that means a breakfast bar, a shake for lunch and some kind of decent dinner. I’m still in a funk, all around and for some reason my fridge won’t stop making this noise like a dying animal.

On to the other topic that I can’t seem to get off my mind. My friend, still haven’t seen him. It’s been two weeks. My fear is that since his parents will be down here soon for probably two months, I’ll never see him then either. I guess, in my current states it’s probably best that I don’t anyway. I’ve explained before that I really only seem to have all these issues come up when he’s not around, so when he’s here I don’t have much clarity. My thought process is, since there’s no future for us, maybe it’s best we don’t continue doing this dance. You can’t fall out of love with someone when they come around and be all cute and shit. He has been reaching out a lot more than I’m used to and I do like that. Although it all seems to be bad news but at least he’s communicating.

One complaint that I hear from every person in my life is my lack of reaching out. Boyfriends have always commented that if they didn’t call or text then they’d never see me. I am someone who believes in space. I believe that you should do whatever you want. I’ve never been a needy girl that has to hear from my bf’s every single day. I’m a huge advocate for “boy’s night” and I don’t even care if it’s at a strip club. If you trust someone then you trust them completely so what’s the point. But, the reason I bring this up is that I’ve had friends and bfs in the past ask me to communicate more. I’ve attempted and then gone back to my simple ways. But if the friend ever said that he wanted me to communicate more then I would. As it is right now, I never know where he is or what he’s doing, or who he’s with so I’d rather just not send a message that gets no reply for days, especially if I know your phone is right next to you the whole day. So I just don’t.

Blah, this has been a bad weekend. I hate being as bored as I am but don’t want to do anything that anyone else suggests. My GBF went to the beach this morning with a friends from out of town and he invited me to go. I love the beach and just didn’t feel it at all. I also got a text from an old friend today that he went to Vegas and had a quickie marriage and that’s another one who’s been lost to the wedding vows, oh how envious am I. Actually I’m not, I’m very happy for him. But I do wish that I didn’t have to continue checking the “single” box on everything. And yes, I know that I don’t HAVE to but I don’t WANT what was given to me by my ex. I’m very much done with him.

Another thing that “people” say you should do if you’re trying to get over someone is to write down all their bad flaws and faults. I tried that. It just made me sad because none of the flaws or faults make me not want to have my friend in my life. I’m such a contradiction lately, or forever. WHY DO I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF HIM SO MUCH? It’s perplexing to me.

My friend’s and my mutual friend sent me some working info the other day and signed it with “Behave”. I found that lately, this is the last thing I need to worry about, is behaving. I’m being the most boring, predictable, not social girl ever. Well, for me. My brothers been asking me to go see them for a while now. I really should. I don’t think I’ve actually seen my family since February or March I think. I really should go but each time I’ve gone there over the last few years my brother tries to convince me to sign up on match or some other dating site. Nope, I won’t do that again.

It’s way past my bedtime right now. I’m going to try not to fall asleep again on the couch while watching crap TV. Good Night.


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