I’m a useless human tonight…

My intent was to go have a nice dinner and wine but my reality was that I fell asleep, straight through it all. I woke up unrested, frustrated and annoyed. Today has been yet another day that humans have disappointed me with their lack of good surprises. So it’s basically been a shitty week for me. When I finally got out of bed I decided to take a bath and meditate. I’ve been feeling really anxious too which is weird so I took a pill for that. Now, I’m bored, so bored and won’t be tired for a long time. Tomorrows plans got canceled so it’s quite possible I’m going to be binge watching something from now until Monday morning. Haven’t decided what yet.

I posted my resume just to see what else is out there, although I just had my 16 year anniversary at work. I tried to find an old friend and mentor from when I was about eighteen or so but didn’t have much luck. Then I tried looking for volunteer work, so I could start that again. I even started looking for homes to purchase. I really am ALL OVER THE PLACE right now. Sadly, I’m not sure I have any reason to stay here anymore, in this city. My love life is non-existent right now. The only guy I could see myself with long term is off ravishing women somewhere and since that’s unrequited that’s not a reason to stay. My BFF is probably my rock right now and we haven’t even had a real conversation since we went to Vegas at the end of May I think. Maybe I’ll go move into my brothers guess house, grow a garden and live off the earth while making candles or jewelry and selling them at markets. Or maybe I’ll take an extra pill, have a glass of wine and go drown myself in the bath… I HATE BEING BORED.

I’m kidding of course, about the drowning. I need something real, something exciting. Maybe I just need sex. I don’t even know anymore. I swear these posts make me sound bi-polar at times but I am not. I think I just woke up cranky and went to look for something and can’t find it. I’m almost out of sustainable food and toilet paper so I’ll have to venture out at some point and my stomach is still in pain from all my stress and worry which is useless because none of it matters to the party that it’s about.

I think I will take another pill and drink some wine, someone might want to check on me in the morning… Kidding again, kind of. Actually, I’d forgotten about my favorite of all time movie that I haven’t seen in a while. Stealing Beauty. I think I’ll watch that and try to find something fun to take up my time. Good Night.

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