It appears that between yesterday and today my decision has been made a lot easier. Just because you love and respect someone doesn’t mean that goes both ways all the time. I’m pretty disgusted with the deceet. I’m sick of the lies and I’m so tired of the time and money spent on the wrong things by someone else.
I have spent two days sad because I might choose to no longer have my friend in my life anymore because he is so important to me but never wanting to admit that the same isn’t true in reverse. The lies… Oh I hate the lies and especially since it’s so easy for him and apparently I’m not even worth the truth. Well, fuck that. I’m done with favors, monetary or otherwise. I will not be used as a placeholder for something better to come along so that he can ditch me in that moment. I’m angry. I’m angry because he thinks I’m too stupid to figure this out. I’m angry because he thinks he has a right to treat me poorly.
I do believe everything happens for a reason and I do believe in karma so with those two things in balance I will hold no grudges. I will not speak ill of him and I’ll still wish him the best but I will no longer, EVER, be here for him. Bottom line here is, you just DON’T lie to me about anything.
I asked God today to show me what I should do and the answer came to me just a few moments ago. Because of this glimps of what I already knew, I know that I need to try with my ex. I need to distance myself completely from my “friend” and I pray for the strength to never fall pray to someone who has become a born manipulator.
I swear that one day he’ll look back and realize that he treated someone who loved him, more than any one ever could, like absolute utter crap. I’ll be out of this home, out of this town and starting a new chapter soon enough and just at the moment when he realizes that he needs something, it’ll be the first time in almost two years that I won’t be there.
There’s nothing else to be said or done now. It’s on to my next chapter. I’m burning the last one. By the time the anger is gone is when the apathy sets in and that’s when I really don’t give a shit anymore.