Weird dreams and moving all over the place last night made is so I had a restless sleep which is just typical these days, and therefore I’m feeling restless today. I don’t expect anything other these days.
Expectations… I think I used to be much more of a positive soul until I continually got disappointed with other people. Having too many expectations on others, assuming that people are better than they are, well that’s my fault right? I’ve been warned so many times, “Don’t expect anything OR expect the worst”. But isn’t that theory against the positive thought process of the universe? Aren’t you supposed to expect the best to bring the best into your world? Well, I’ve tried it every way and each time I seem to be more and more disappointed.
This brings me to surprises. There are certainly not enough good surprises out there. When you assume the outcome of something and you assume the worst and your barely ever surprised this kinda brings you down. I think between this, that and others things I wish my daily view on things was brighter but it seems to be darkening with each passing moment.
I just want something to happen that’s great, unexpected and deserved. I’m tired of getting the bad luck, which I do not deserve. I have a hard time thinking about what would truly even shock me for the better these days. Life is boring. It’s expected and disappointing. People are expected and disappointing. I’m in a strange mood today. I need a shock to my system, a soul-jump, an unexpected great surprise. I want to get back to the stage where I love my life again. I hope to find that space soon so until then, I will just glide by invisible to the outside world and I’ll just become a fly on the wall until the appropriate time comes.
I’m off to go be unsurprised by humans. Hope you’re having a great day.
Black Flies By: Ben Howard