Answered Prayers and Altered Realities…

Why is it that when I pray about or for someone else God seems to hear me but when I pray about myself, nothing seems to change? Now that I’ve asked that I’ll ask this. Who do you pray for and what do you pray about? This is a strange topic for me, being that I’m not religious but I’ll answer those latter questions that I’ve asked of you. I pray for world peace. Just kidding. Beauty contestants do that enough for all of us. I pray for my BFF, that she stay well, be happy and make the right decisions in her life. I pray for my niece, that she be healthy, happy and safe. I pray for my friend that seems to always be on the wrong path of life. I pray that he finds peace, happiness and that he finds acceptance with his state of mind and that he lives a great life. That being said, I prayed for a few different things for him last night and at least one of them appears to have come to fruition today. Not sure I had anything to do with it but still. I always wonder what they all pray for. It’s always seemed a bit strange that right before you go into bed, you kneel, clasp your hands together and talk to someone that you can only have faith is listening to you. I suppose it brings comfort and some sort of clarity once the words pass your lips but it’s still strange none-the-less.

Today has been strange in all parts. My ex was being a bit of a brat today. We watched John Wick over the weekend and there’s a scene in there with a puppy. If you’ve seen it then you know what I’m talking about but it had me crying like a broken water faucet. Here’s the thing, I don’t cry. Very few people have witnessed this and I didn’t think I would have but it came out and he’s not let me forget it since. Any normal human should have cried over that. But regardless, he’s annoyed me and we were supposed to watch the meteor shower Thursday but I told him I couldn’t because I had to work. That seems to be my “go-to” excuse these days when I’m just not feeling it. Instead, I’d still like to watch it but I’m in need of having something let me sleep a few hours, wake me at 3 in the morning so we can watch for a few hours then go back to sleep for a while and wake me back up with a lot of coffee. I need to be rich so I can afford to pay someone to do that. I don’t usually stay mad for long so he might get to take me out Sunday, to the movies, like we’d planned. We shall see.

Even before all that annoyance though I was woken up by my “brother from another mother” who lives in the east coast, DC, New York, I don’t even know anymore but he was asking when I was coming to visit him. He’s offered an expense paid vacation and I really need to go see him. It’s a business expense for him so that’s a bonus but I need to get the hell outta here for a while. Go somewhere. Do something new. This town and these people are boring me so much right now. I’m not looking forward to anything and that’s a problem. When that happens I tend to get antsy and start looking for homes and jobs in random cities. One day I’ll actually do it. I don’t think there’s anything left here for me. It would be different if some of the extremely vivid dreams I’ve been having would come true but they are not and my mind feels heavy. I feel the need to have someone perform a trepanation on me. As they say, this too shall pass, I hope.

After that this morning, I found out my ex FWB went to save a friend of his that was getting beaten her boyfriend and they got into this fight where he (the ex FWB) actually didn’t hit back. His daughter was in the room and he didn’t want her to see that side of him. He’s a tall, buff guy. Back in the day he used to be a fighter and could probably take on anyone but he’s grown up and realized that he never wanted his daughter to meet that side of him. I have much respect for him for so many things that happened last night and now the poor guy is staying in a hotel because he’s new third wife is insane and he’s probably going to get a divorce, again. What a weird set of events that occurred for him. He’s a really sweet guy, never was too terribly smart though but he seems to have grown up a lot from the guy I met years ago. Good for him.

There’s a bunch of other stuff that happened that brings the scale of weird way past where it should be but the truth is, I’m so tired tonight I don’t even want to rehash it all. I guess you could say that I’m in a weird mood tonight. I will say this though, after seeing the temperature earlier and the “feels like” at 115 it’s nice to hear the pitter-patter of the rain drops tonight. It’s a bit comforting. Apparently comfort is what I’ve been searching for lately as I’m not getting it anywhere. I’m not sure I’ve ever really had it much. I’ve also never really confided in anyone. Well, not the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Who actually wants one person to know that much about you though? It seems like such a weapon that you hand over, freely. Maybe that’s the wrong approach. I don’t know anymore. I told you I was in a weird mood today, tonight. This blog is my outlet and hopefully it won’t use any of my truth against me at a later time.

I’m going to, hopefully, go to sleep soon as my dreams are much better than my reality right now. Hope you all had a great day. Maybe I’ll bathe this mood off me. Good Night.

Sleep To Dream By: Fiona Apple

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