A week or two ago I realized that my business credit card, with my bosses name on it, had been stolen, or the number had been. I let the bank know to cancel the card, charge back any transactions and to send me over the affidavit for my boss to sign. A side-note to know about him is that my boss has the capacity to be a very generous, giving individual at times but when someone’s done him wrong, even in the slightest he has a vindictive personality like no one I’ve ever seen. I was moderately pissed at the situation but he was livid. One of the perks of being in the business I’m in is that we have a lot of friends/Customers that are in law enforcement. So after getting all the things done with the bank my boss then decided to send it all over to his friends and they, not only figured out who it was but will be issuing a warrant and possibly an arrest this week. I think he’d finally reached his capacity of sitting by and watching people break the law to get something they should have worked for. When asked if I wanted to see who this a-hole was, I declined. I said I’m not that curious and don’t really care. I know that, eventually, karma takes over and that person gets what they deserve. Nothing is owed to anyone unless it’s earned, so by taking something that doesn’t belong to you gives you some bad effing karma. The cop said that he’d give us one last chance tomorrow or Thursday to see if we still wanted to prosecute whoever it was but I’m pretty sure that he’s not going to change his mind unless there’s some major convincing.
All this comes back to my spirituality. I’ve been asked many times what religion I am and my response is this, “While I believe in God, I am not religious. I pray. I believe that religion is like a buffet and that you should take all the best pieces of each set of beliefs and hold those to be true. Some of those basic principles are these: be honest, treat everyone with kindness, payback all your karmic debts, don’t break another ones heart or hurt their feelings (intentionally), don’t take what isn’t yours, don’t do things out of malice, don’t use people and finally don’t take people for granted. Those, to me, are simple principles and if you follow those rules then your “karma bank” will be full and plenty but don’t do those things if and ONLY if that is your soul purpose. I am grateful to live by these rules and I firmly believe that this is why I do have some great luck or should I say Karma, in my life.
My life isn’t perfect, by any means but sometimes I don’t mind. I have some great friends that show great kindness to me. I have a job that I like (maybe not the people all the time), I have a roof over my head and money in the bank. I’ve had some great loves in my life, whether I realized it at the time or later, I am still grateful for them. I’ve had some great experiences in life and I don’t need to share them with the tweet-insta-snap world. Even on the simplistic nights where there’s just a great song playing in a car with a good friend and we’re being silly it’s enough to capture a memory that we’ll smile about for years.
I suppose it’s a bit hypocritical for me to hate social media when that’s exactly what this blog is. I’ve always felt that if there’s something important to say or to share then do it with the people that matter. Plus reading about all the issues that come up because of social media about how people become more depressed, or feel more lonely being more socially connected to the world than ever before. It’s making relationships, sex and connections feel like fleeting things from the past. If you’re lonely or need some sort of recognition then pick up your phone and call someone. That’s all it takes. I think I’d realized that I was done with it all when my Dad joined Facebook. So I got off. I was on twitter but got off that. I was on instagram and got off that. After a very long sabbatical from Facebook I’d gotten a notification one too many times that I had messages and decided that I’d log on one last time. There were a few dates or boys that were trying to get in touch with me, for one reason only. There were men that I didn’t know that had messaged me. Lastly, some of my family and friends had messaged me about really stupid shit. I was done and after one glance at all the people that were listed as “friends” on my account there two things I’d realized. First, none of the most successful people that I know are on any type of social media and by successful I also mean happiest. Second, I realized that I had one last purge to do for something that I’d been dreading for a while.
Since the beginning of this year I’d been getting rid of past memories or mistakes by way of burning letters or deleting emails, texts, voicemails and other things from the past that I didn’t care to remember. So, when I logged in to my account I’d seen some really personal and really girl brained messages that I’d sent to one person. It’s only ever been one person but I realized that I hated every last bit of honesty that I’d ever show through my emotions and have vowed to never do that again with him. Not only was I more vulnerable than I’d ever been by saying some of these words but I was putting him in a position to use them against me later, if he chooses to. My heart comes and goes where he’s concerned and eventually I believe that any kindness I offer will dry up because of his lack of reciprocation, not of feelings, I’ve never expected that but of kindness. This has always been something in the back of my mind, while I love giving and giving I’ve never been around someone that didn’t do this back equally. I don’t expect the same to be delivered back to me and certainly not by way of monetary value but the simplicity of a note, card or even something as simple as a cooked dinner. He did this a few times but has become complacent with my kindness and I’ve had it. I’ve reached the break. These feelings have come up before and they usually go away but this is different. There’s not as much left in my heart to forgive as fully when someone consistently uses their flaws to be magnified as their excuses. Eventually, we all have to grow up. We all have to be accountable for ourselves and pay back other people and again, I don’t mean monetarily. It’s not his fault fully. It’s mine. I do wish though that this realization had come way before now but I let it all go and focus on people that aren’t as selfish. Remember, if you take the kindest people for granted you will lose them and one day you’ll really need them in your life. So don’t and pay back kindness in any way possible. I’m as easily distracted as the next person when something new and shiny comes along but I will never do something for someone new that I haven’t done to payback a friend first. It’s simple logic and by way of a mutual friend, I’m not the only one this has happened to, although I didn’t share my experience, the mutual friend just offered up his secrets freely. Pretty sure he shouldn’t have done that. It amazes me that while I have kept our issues secret that so many others feel it their responsibility to share their thoughts. I find it tacky and useless and it makes them look shitty. I don’t pay any attention to them and tell them to shut up most of the time. He’s not a bad person but he does have blinders on, the worst I’ve ever seen.
None of this matters now though because this is a new chapter for me and he’s no longer a recurring person in it. It’s too bad because things are getting pretty interesting for me and by interesting I mean exciting. I’ve had a good day today and I’m looking at better days to come, much better. Hope you all had a great day. Good night. x
Karma Police By: Radiohead