What does one do after a breakup? Get completely wasted? No. Get “over” someone by getting “under” someone else? No. Snort a white line from here to California? No. Not only are none of those things on the agenda but aside from coming up with those analogies just now, I’ve not even thought about any of that. It’s not as if this was some ground breaking, earth shattering love breakup anyway but my “go to” for all bad things lately is to literally work my ass off. Working out has become more of a passion that it’s ever been before. I used to be very active, volleyball, tennis, cheer-leading and even track at one point but all that went away when I found a whole lot of bad stuff to keep me occupied. It’s only been over the last few years that I’ve really found my love for it again. That’s another thing that was on my “ideal man” list is that he had to be into fitness. We didn’t have to do it together but if it’s not something you work for you never really know what it’s like to have it. The ex was just naturally in shape. I’d try to get him to go on even short walks and he just kept saying, “No, lets just cuddle on the couch”. Blah… But he was also very complimentary and always did have nice things to say so that might be even.
Throwing myself, full force, into my workouts, healthy eating and getting back on to some of the websites that I use for all of that brought up an image board I’d made, probably a year ago or so. These are some of the positive affirmations:
I will do new things
I will be healthy in all things
Form better habits
Do all this for me
Run and finish a 5k
So instead of being bummed that I hadn’t reached all my goals I decided to take it one day at a time. First, this means changing a few things. I’m a socialite, a social butterfly. I’m out most nights of the week. Whether I’m going to a charity dinner, drinks with a client or just doing silly things with friends, it’s a lot of nothing. Well, the charity functions aren’t nothing but you understand my point. Very rarely has any of this been for me. I’m going over this and realizing that all my week, my entire week has been mapped out and planned. Monday dinner, Tuesday a spa afternoon, Wednesday dinner and drinks, Thursday drinks, Friday a club opening, Saturday an appointment and then dinner again. And I wonder why I feel like I have no “me time”. As I’m dodging texts and messages I’m thinking about how to change these habits that bring very little good to life. Considering that I, now have, five clients for work on the side and a full time job I just have to cut back. While I like getting dressed up in the fancy dresses, with fancy shoes and putting on the false lashes and the deep red lipstick it’s also nice to just do it once in a while and appreciate it a bit more.
I canceled some plans this week so start all over, again, on myself. I started with an hour of jogging, followed by an hour of weights and then decided to have dinner, at home, by myself. After dinner it was out for another hour of walking around the neighborhood. Probably not the best idea after dark but afterward, coming in and staring at myself, red faced in the mirror I realized that I love the way that feels. I love the “almost a runners high”. I love the sweat dripping down the back of my neck (there’s only two good reasons to sweat and they both burn calories (-: ). Each and every single time I get off track I always come back to the faithful calling of working out. It’s a beautiful thing. With my fridge 95% healthy, my mind where it needs to be and a heart that wants to beat fast I’ve found my zen again. If I was to hashtag anything (which I don’t) I’d #mustlovefitness for any future men in my life.
My goals might not come true this year but I will work for them and I’ll be doing it for only me. That’s a great feeling, to not really care what anyone else thinks. It’s pretty freeing. What I will do though is accomplish some other things that I’m passionate about. I loved to paint. I used to all the time and every time I visit my brothers home I realize that I didn’t suck at it, as told by a beautifully framed piece that I did for him years ago. The piece is less beautiful than the frame but I was just beginning back then. I also have a passion for writing and creating. I want to take cooking classes, a painting class, even if it’s one that you get drunk on wine at. I want to do a lot of things. The problem here is that my friends aren’t really into that stuff. A lot of them are more the “let’s go to a bar and get drunk” types or club openings or stuff like that. I like out of the box thinking but I need to not be the only one who’s out of the box thinking. I really do love my friends but some of them are very boring. So here’s what’s on my passion to do list:
Take salsa lessons
Take cooking classes
Go to the trampoline park
Take a painting, wine class
Go to at least three sporting events before the end of the year
Go to at least one bucket list concert
Wear my “goal dress” to a nice evening out at a nice restaurant before the end of the year
Watch three old movies, classics, that I’ve never seen before
Finally get rid of all the crap in my life that’s not helping be a better person.
And those are my thoughts tonight. I’m going to go drink a gallon of water, rest my feet and make more lists. Hope you all have a great night. x
Here is my song for the evening.
Start Over By: The New Division